Happy and Autistic

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Some of you may wonder how any one of us can be happy with autism like I am. A lot of it has something to do with how you are brought up. My parents always made me feel loved as I was. They gave me self-esteem. My Autism has given me abilities beyond most of those who don't have it. I like my abilities. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am now smart enough to know how to stop other people's opinion's from ruining it for me.

If any of you understand this, please, let me know!

I was raised by a family with autism and other disability going back generations on both sides, with an autistic father and an autistic older brother. So I wasn't seen as that weird by them, and never treated as different from anyone else. But I don't think that's why I'm okay with being autistic, nor is it why I'm happy. My childhood was actually incredibly unhappy. I was abused sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally by various people. (Genuine abuse, not exaggeration of being unhappy with how people treated me.) I often wished I'd never been born, and I attempted suicide several times (one of which was how I got diagnosed). I had all kinds of emotional problems and barely understood what happiness was.

(I should also note that happiness isn't everything. I'm saying that because I know some people who basically say they cannot be happy (or not in a lasting way), and yet they find great meaning in their lives nonetheless, and resent the idea that happiness is a necessary component of a good life. These are people of great integrity and I respect them a great deal. And they find that hearing all about happiness as if it's the only way to live a good life, makes them feel inadequate. And I know them and they are wonderful people, not inadequate in the least, so I want to say this here on their behalf.)

I really only began to be happy in adulthood. I got a lot of support from people in various parts of the disability community. I had friends for the first time. Real ones, I mean. (I'd had false friends before that, both bullies described as friends, and people who just... didn't treat me well but called themselves friends, but weren't quite bullies or anything, just people with problems.) I didn't really understand being autistic or any of my other conditions until then either. I didn't understand a lot of things as a kid. And I mean a lot of things. Like far more than most people would guess, and far more than most people can imagine not understanding even if they try. Adulthood is a wonderful thing. I also got help moving away from my parents, which helped a lot. I love my family but I cannot live with them.

And I met people who taught me how to remove a lot of the distorted thinking I picked up from having a lot of emotional problems, and that removed a lot of my emotional problems. So did having to deal with some really hard situations. I know that sounds really weird. But sometimes adversity will jiggle loose patterns in the way you have related to the world, that weren't good. And then suddenly you feel a lot better. The last thing that really did that for me was a health crisis a few years ago. It made me give up most of my need for certainty about my own future. And... I can honestly say that I've never felt more alive since then.

So the kind of happiness I have isn't the kind that you get from having had parents with the right attitude. It's the kind that you learn in spite of, and yet sometimes because of, going to hell and back. It's a kind that doesn't come about by denying or hiding from what is awful in the world, but rather from learning not to let the awfulness that happened to you dictate who you are or how you feel. It's a kind that can go right hand in hand with suffering somehow. Quite hard to describe to someone who doesn't know this kind. Its source seems to be some deep part of the world that shows itself more the more you get out of its way.

As far as being fine with being autistic, I reached that point before I reached any particular form of happiness in general.

I can say that the reason I'm fine with being autistic is not because autism gives me no trouble. As I've just described on another thread, autism makes a lot of very basic skills very difficult for me. I really struggle to do most of the things that I can do. And I have a lot more trouble with day to day life than most people here do. (Including a lot of people who are quite unhappy with being autistic in spite of finding things easy that I can't do whatsoever.) I really resent it when people equate happiness with being autistic, with level of difficulties that autism causes you. The reality is... for every possible kind of autistic person, there are people who are happy being autistic, unhappy being autistic, and every combination in between. It is not about abilities or lack of abilities. Not at all. The first people who really came out as being happy with who they were as autistic people, were people with quite a lot of autism-related difficulties. (Such as Jim Sinclair, who has the same autism-related movement disorder as I do, and therefore a lot of the same difficulties. Xe also has a lot of the same severe sensory processing issues I do.) And there are many autistic people who are quite successful in typical terms, but who wish with all their heart that they were nonautistic. It's nothing to do with abilities or lack thereof at all. (And no, it's not because I'd have to work. I wouldn't be able to work even if I wasn't autistic, so that's totally a moot point, and rather laughable. Plus, I loved the little amount of work I could do, so I'd absolutely do it if I could. I'm quite the workaholic even without a job.)

I'm okay with being autistic because I'm comfortable in my skin in general. Difficulties and all. It forms such a fundamental part of the way I perceive the world, that I would not want to give it up for anything. These exact same ways that I perceive the world that I value so much, are unbreakably tied to many of my difficulties. This is something many people have trouble understanding. The skills and the difficulties are usually two sides of a single coin, they're not separate and can't be separated. In my case, the highly sensory way that I interact with the world, is tied tightly for my difficulties with conceptualization, with connecting to my body, with understanding language (my comprehension lags far behind my expressive abilities at the best of times), with a lot of other things. But it also means I am able to totally get lost in resonance with sensation with no ideas to separate me from it. I can perceive things in ways I don't even have words for. And these experiences are important to me, even as they're tied to my struggle with other things.

Typical people are the same way by the way. Their skills are tied tightly to difficulties that either go unacknowledged, or are treated as universal human deficits even when they're not. But they don't have to justify wanting to remain how they are, because there's no stigma in the difficulties they have, and people do not define them by their difficulties. Their development even has "regressions" built in, but nobody calls them that because they're just considered normal losses.

And by the way I'm totally fine with people who aren't happy with being autistic. It doesn't bother me or threaten me in any way. I don't think they have to change to be more like me.

The only thing I mind is when only some of them do this, but some of them will insist that they just must have more trouble doing various things than I do, even when it's really obviously untrue. Some people really cannot comprehend that whether you like being autistic has nothing to do with which abilities you have or don't have. It's an individual choice, two identical-skilled people can choose two different ways. And I wish more people would respect that. Of course many people who are fine being autistic perpetuate that myth too. There's little I like less in these discussions than hearing a person who's fine with being autistic add a disclaimer like "But people who really struggle with their ability to ___________, really obviously aren't going to be okay with being autistic," or something like that. Nonsense. Whether you like being autistic or not depends on your personality, your understanding of autism, your understanding of disability, your understanding of the world in general, etc. It doesn't depend on what your abilities are. (The same is true of any kind of disabled people, there are always those who are fine how they are, and always those who have a problem with it. Autism is not unique here.)

I am a very happy person in general. Not because of Autism anymore than I am happy because my eyes are blue. I have a very high self-esteem and have never cared what other people thought of me. I am one of the very lucky ones.

I'm a happy autistic person. Like the OP, I have parents who make me feel very loved and encourage me in everything I do. They are my protectors, my friends and my biggest advocates. They have always been there for me when I needed them most, and I love them more than anything in the world.

However if given the choice, I would give up being autistic because of the ways it impairs my ability to function and causes me to lose my independence.

I enjoy having Asperger's, but I couldn't say I'm happy. I experience many conflicting emotions at the same time, so I could never tell you how I feel. One of the side effects of being insane.

I can say that since coming to terms with being autistic that I am happier than I have been in a very, very long time. I am not specifically happy to be autistic (although that doesn't make me unhappy), but rather happy to finally be able to know myself.

I'm in much better shape than I was a few years ago, when I still had that 400-pound gorilla strapped to my back and clouting me around the head without knowing why it was there.
Yeah, there are difficulties and embarrassments I'll never be free of but it's Ok. I'm happy.
I'm more me than I've ever been and that's very good.

I had a bad and abusive childhood. I never knew my father and my mother just wasn't there for me while I was growing up. But inspite of that and everything else that has happened in my life, I'm comfortable, happy and love who I am today, Aspergers included.

Like the OP, I too am a very happy person with my autism. My family was always supportive of me when I was growing up and allowed me to explore my special intense interests. Although they may not understand why I was so awkward acting around the other kids back then, they did not push me to do things socially I did not want to do. So...I was very happy...and am still very happy.

A lot of my happiness is from the special intense interests brought upon by Asperger's. Also due to Asperger's are two talent savant skills I have:

1. the ability to play musical instruments I am fascintated with in little time and without lessons or instruction---it's as if the instrument is a part of me and I instinctly know how to play it

2. the ability to memorize without trying topics (roller coasters for example) that are a special intense interest

But like everyone, I have challenges too. That is life. But my life with autism has been fun and enjoyable---and it is like my best friend.

If happiness is learned, I missed that class.

I've concluded that for me, happiness isn't some bubbly state of goo goo bliss. I am VERY slowly moving towards a place of acceptance and internal stability. For me I'm thinking serenity more than happiness. I'll let you know when I get there.

Happiness is one of those a bit like love, everyone uses it to mean slightly or radically different things.

I've had to work hard to learn to be happy.

I'm also happy to be on the spectrum. I'm happy to be on the spectrum, due to the fact that it's made me a free thinker. I've also explored various areas of many things that my peers haven't. I'm also happy to be on the spectrum, because I have a wild and wonderful imagination.

I'm pretty sure I've seen you post some stuff about God...

Anyways, I don't like having AS most of the time these days. The sensory problems are most of what I detest about it.

I'm pretty sure the existentialist thinkers must have made at least a few references to God.

What we think of God is not as important as what God thinks of us.


(oops. I guess that a bit of a hijack )

And you're correct.
My existential viewpoints aren't pertinent to the conversation, though.

I was meaning to say that I have seen CR make semi-spiritual posts, and talk about church, yet she says that her ASD has made her a 'free thinker' (assumed she meant freethinker; I'm pretty sure we all know what that means here, as far as religion and spirituality goes. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is the only context in which I have seen the word used.)