I've always enjoyed teasing and being teased by friends (as long as they didn't swear, until I got over it), because I know if they said something that hurt my feelings, they would probably realize it immediately and apologize before the expression on my face had even started to change. I mean, if they were cruel people, I would be able to see that and wouldn't be friends with them. I guess we do try to shock each other though, to the point that if we actually spoke that way in public, we would probably be arrested and sent to a mental hospital for the surreal heights we take our obscene insults. I'm remembering when we challenged each other to see who could write the least sexy piece of erotic fiction. Mine won, though I realize now even the title is too obscene to post, and also could trigger panic attacks in victims of certain kinds of crimes. One way I used to like teasing them that we don't do much anymore is I'll act like I have something private to say to them, and when they lean in I put my mouth right by their ear and start reciting the "Ok, the name of the scene was also too obscene" scene from my (admittedly dubious) prize winning story. They'd run away like I was holding a knife to their bellies, but they would always be laughing hysterically. They do humorously cruel stuff like that to me too, so don't worry that I crossed a line, since crossing lines about what's ok to say is basically a hobby of ours. It's good to have people who you know no matter what you said to them, even if you told them you didn't want to see them anymore, they will still always consider you their best friend.
Honestly, I used to hate profanity, I thought when a person swore it sounded like they were about to hit someone that seemed vulnerable. Eventually, when I was 15, I decided to get over my aversion to profanity, as I was becoming a bit of a film buff and I was getting tired of getting taken out of it mentally when I would watch films I otherwise loved but that contained "bad" words. I started by reading books of dirty jokes I borrowed from one of the best friends I mentioned who stole them from his dad (they both still respected that I didn't care for swearing at this point so they wouldn't do it around me, so the books I borrowed really surprised them) , and I would try my best to memorize them and figure out what was funny about them. It turns out most of them were only funny if you were a stupid jerk, according to my dad when he caught me reading the books.
I assumed he'd confiscate them but I forgot that it was normal for a 15 year old to use or read profanity, and that he didn't believe in controlling what I read or watched anyways, as long as I didn't use his credit card to rent pornography on pay-per-view (which didn't bother me at all for some reason, but I'll spare you more information about that subject)
I decided I didn't like the books, returned them, and started watching Richard Pryor specials that I'd been recommended when I told the guy at blockbuster I was interested in foul-mouthed comedy. I thought they were actually funny, the first time words like that didn't seem gross to me. Plus it had great social commentary about race relations in the 1970's, as well as insights into both African-American and White society. They ended up really overdue, and my dad started yelling at me when I asked him for the overdue fee, since I had promised I would return them early. This made me angry, and I responded "F*** you, dad!" and ran off to my room. An hour later I came downstairs and said to him "Dad, I'm sorry I said f*** you, I was really mad, but that doesn't make it ok for me to say f*** you to my father. I mean, we f****** care about each other. So I just wanted to apologize over that."
He said he forgave me and that he was sorry for yelling. Then he said "I'm glad you finally got over your f****** 'f-word complex', s***, I was worried you wouldn't ever get over your weird little phobia", I hadn't heard him speak that way before, but I realized he wasn't being hostile, and because of that, it didn't bother me. It was getting late, so we decided to watch one of the Richard Pryor concerts before he went to sleep that night, we'd return it tomorrow. We talk pretty much the same way now except with more of him insulting Obama and more of me defending Obama.
It might sound stupid, but it helped teach me about my sense of humor, embracing profanity, because I was now able to enjoy certain more mature comedies without any emotional baggage (and a lot that were just dirtier), and from there I started coming up with my own funny stories to tell people, though I found out most people find me funnier when I improvise. It feels good having your story or joke or improvised anecdote laughed at in a way that you can just tell, they're not ridiculing you, they think you have a good sense of humor. I love hearing "You should totally be a comedian, you're hilarious" from strangers (ok it only happened twice but it made me feel pretty funny), even if I'm not sure about that. I think swearing and teasing are similar in some autistic mind sin that some people will just decide they're both universally bad and no one should ever use them, instead of the reality that what is considered appropriate and what is not are both highly context sensitive. I found learning that context to be very worthwhile, personally.
22 Sep 2012, 8:06 am
