I might be in the wrong place, but today it's like a lightbulb went on after many, many years.
My question to people here is how would you suggest family members deal with a sibling who might have Asperger's (no, there is no diagnosis)?
I have an adult sister who we all described as difficult growing up. She had an outrageous temper, she seemed very frustrated most of the time and seemed to lack empathy (for example, when family pets died, she would make inappropriate remarks if she would remark at all). Our mother said she used to bang her head on the wall when she was little (and angry). There was an awkwardness about her that I could never put my finger on.
She is very bright and has a master's degree, but she has had difficulty holding a job. She has been fired twice and now works for herself, but will not or cannot work more than 20 - 30 hours a week, so she is always complaining about money problems. She has also always had relationship problems. She has difficulty making and then keeping friends. She has been divorced twice. She has one adult daughter who has nothing to do with her.
Aside from her temper, the main thing people in our family would identify as a strange trait of hers is that through the years she has taken turns obsessing on various subjects. She doesn't seem to understand that dominating a conversation and obsessively talking about the same topic for years on end is inappropriate. When some of us have confronted her about this, she completely denies doing it. I think she believes she does not do this.
Her demeanor is not friendly. She generally has a rather blank look on her face and she has a very monotone voice. I have found that most people (who I am aware of) who first meet her say they do not like her, that she "gives off bad vibes." She socializes only through organized singles groups, and seems to float from one group (e.g. seems to wear out her welcome) to another. She has always had issues with control. That is probably the one thing that would throw her into a temper tantrum or get her to attacking people -- when she felt she lost control of you or the situation.
I have thought she had a mental health issue (or issues) all these years, and considered her a narcissist. I have suggested medication to her for what seems to be obsessive compulsive disorder. She also seems to be a hypochondriac (health issues make up her latest going-on-ten-years obsession).
She has not only alienated herself from most relatives, but most people in her town and, now, closer family members. What struck me recently -- after all these years -- is how she has never recognized social cues. She doesn't recognize when she's talking too much (she has cornered near strangers at parties and talked them to death about her latest obsession), and if you express displeasure and ask her not to do something, it's like she has etch-a-sketch brain and turns around and compulsively does the same behavior less than 24 hours later. It is this missing of cues and apparent lack of empathy for what others are feeling that led me to looking into autism spectrum disorders.
Of course I am not a doctor. But what would you suggest a family member do if you think an adult sibling might have something like asperger's? Isn't there something she can do now, later in life, to make life and relationships easier?
03 Oct 2012, 3:03 pm
