Given up trying to be social!

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I have tried to hard over the years to fit in, getting depressed, trying to fit in and it was all a pretense. I was trying to be something I was not. So I don't care anymore as I've realised no one is interested in what I do and I certainly don't care what they do anymore. I've have been treated terribly over the years. Bullied, taken advantage of, abused, humiliated. I don't ask for much, just people to be pleasant and leave me alone. I'll be polite but I won't engage in smalltalk and I won't bother people anymore. My manager who used to treat me with contempt is now being very nice now that he realises I am actually mentally ill. I am at the point where I could sue for harassment at work. I doubt I will as I just want out of the place and to start a new chapter. I am on the best med combo ever and getting good support. Plus I have my own little world of science and music to keep me going. I may even write a few stories. But you can stick being social!

Did the same thing, since I stopped being social, and just doing my own thing life has never been so good

Maybe you are being too hard on yourself or just trying too hard. Lately, I just realized one good step to connect with the world is to read the newspaper.

O, another Bach fan! Me too, me too!

I avoid socializing as much as I can. I won't be unpleasant if it's unavoidable, but I'd rather not. 15 years ago I suffered a burnout for what was labeled 'social anxiety'. The therapies advised me *not* to avoid people, but that only made it worse. Once I was deemed unfit for work, I isolated myself, and little by little, got rid of people who proved to be only leeches. They couldn't care less that I felt sick and depressed and kept trying to get things from me (time, attention, looking after their dog and watering their plants, etc.). And you know what? Within a few years of doing what I loved to do, the anxiety disappeared.

Welcome to hermit hill. *waves from comfortable and safe distance*

I don't recall ever making a conscious decision to stop attempting to be social. I'm not sure that I ever wanted friends to begin with. When you're young, often your 'friends' are other children selected for you by your parents, the children of your parent's friends. I look back at my childhood and think about the handful of other children I was always around. It was always my parents setting up those times, rarely my own inclination. Growing older school became increasingly socially hostile. I neither understand nor had any interest in understanding my peers.

At some point in my teens I stopped listening to outside pressure. Stopped caring about whether or not it was normal to have no friends or relationships. I am now a recluse in so far as it is possible to be while still maintaining a job. The only social contact I have with other people outside of work is with immediate family. I am fine with this, although it is a point of contention between myself and my therapist. She has an annoying habit of prefacing her advice with, "I know you don't want help with social skills, but...".

Anyway. At some point you realize that you don't enjoy the company of others, you get no pleasure out of it, it's making you depressed trying and failing because you feel some level of pressure from the rest of society to be social. So if you aren't getting anything out of it, why bother? Why indeed? Screw it.

Good. No point in being social if you don't like being social. Lots of other stuff to do for fun.

I've pretty much given up being social, too. What's the point? It isn't like I can contribute much to a relationship if I have too many of them.

I have a friend, anyway. It can happen.

I've realized over the years that my attempts at being social were only attempted because I was told that this is how people should be. I am NOT naturally social, so I no longer try. If you have no need to be social, don't bother. Many NTs don't understand that there are some of us out there they don't feel constant loneliness. If, however, you do want to be social, try to find people that like you for who you are and don't care about your aspie quirks. No one else is worth your time, IMO.

I can relate to you guys. I have been trying very hard to fit in, but the harder I tried, the more the other people seemed to dislike me and laughed at me. Now that I know that my brain wiring is basically different from that of the majority of the people, I can understand that I will never really fit in and be social. So, there is no point in trying, though I feel deeply sad about it and envy those people who are easy socially. I often avoid social situations not because I don't want to mix with people, but because my past failed attempts at socializing are so embarrassing and hurt me very deeply and I don't want to repeat them. The fact that I'm socially isolated is very depressing. So I guess I am not a natural hermit. I simply don't have the ability to socialize. As someone said in his/her post, if I want to socialize with people, then I should find people who accept me as I am with all my quirks. Others are not worth it. I shouldn't have to "try". I do have a few people around who don't seem to mind spending some time with me. I guess I should be happy with that.

jk1, ditto word by word.

I can relate to you guys. Although I've pretty much always been an 'off-beat' kind of person, always standing at the periphery of the crowd, and usually only hanging out with other people who were also a bit eccentric, I have in recent years felt a desire emerge to mingle and socialise more... but I quickly learned that it's not for me. I heard many people encourage me to 'go out more, meet other people, join this or that club to find kindred spirits', so I tried those things, and mostly ended up feeling awkward. Yes, I tried to compensate for it, I tried to adapt, but I coudn't help but feel that I was not being myself.

My current mode is one where social interaction is kept to a minimum (work, classes, relatives), and apart from that I cherish my alone-time very much, and mostly just do the things I like by myself. I tried to hang out with people, who were very nice by the way, but I somehow just felt tied down during our activities, and found I was forcing myself to enjoy visiting them and spending time with them. That's not the way, so I just broke away from them with an 'I'm sorry, but I prefer to have fun by my lonesome'. So now I've accepted the 'loner' moniker with pride! It's just the way I am.

Peace, you guys.

I have been struggling with the social thing for yrs!....i have had no contact with any kind of friends since i was about 8yrs old i do have family but it's not the same ..also it does effect me as i cant work due to my lack of being able to interact on the same level as others..have never worked since i was 17...find it difficult to be in the same room with people never mind being social with them...OK i am like some of you guys i much prefer to now be on my own..but at the same time need to be able to respond to people in a work setting..other wise i will never be able to work..so i must say that although i am a bit of a loner i also would love to be able to overcome my problems with people in general.

I donno, my friends are all on the same kind of wavelength, were just tired of dealing with other people's drama. Were all mid twenties, so I suspect it's somewhat normal.

Also I think the issue is, people associate being social with social climbing/networking etc. As I believe even the most charismatic detest hanging out with people that aren't like them.

I'm trying to redefine what being social means. For me I love working with people, helping people etc. I just hate sitting there casually. I need to take a more active role in my social life, where I can things instead of talk.

I don't really social that much anyway as i don't really fit in the modern society and to be honest i like having my own personal space its much better that way.

I started visiting a mental health drop in centre a few months ago on the advice of my CPN. I thought it might be a place where I could meet people like myself, so I gave it a go. It was ok for a few weeks, the people very nice but I started to get irritated with the lack of progression. It got boring sitting round a table drinking decaff coffee in utter silence. So I don't go anymore and can tick off another avenue. I was hoping people would want to talk about stimulating subjects but it was just smalltalk all the time. This happens every time I try to interact my brain just tells me go back to your own world.