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SteelMaiden
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27 Oct 2012, 12:15 pm

I have a compulsive issue with talking. When I talk, I ramble and ramble, and I go off on tangents and talk far too much.

How can I talk less?

What techniques can I use to silence myself and keep myself brief?


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IrishTusk
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27 Oct 2012, 12:37 pm

Don't.

I ramble on like heck, I simply don't shut up when am with company but people have accepted it as a Characteristic of mine and enjoy it.

Don't silence yourself make it part of who you are.


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emimeni
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27 Oct 2012, 1:03 pm

Once you realize you're doing this, stop yourself and say "I've talked for a while. Do you have something to say?"


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SteelMaiden
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27 Oct 2012, 1:35 pm

emimeni wrote:
Once you realize you're doing this, stop yourself and say "I've talked for a while. Do you have something to say?"


Thanks.


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daydreamer84
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27 Oct 2012, 4:06 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:
emimeni wrote:
Once you realize you're doing this, stop yourself and say "I've talked for a while. Do you have something to say?"


Thanks.


I need to do this too.....I also have this problem with talking way too much and giving too much information-not knowing how to be concise.



kotshka
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27 Oct 2012, 4:17 pm

I had a big problem with this when I was younger and I still have problems with it sometimes now. For us, it's an issue of personal awareness and control. I've learned to ask myself - how long have I been talking? (I even resorted to discreetly timing myself and others for a while, just to get a sense of how long is appropriate.) Also, try to keep your focus on the other person. Look at them and watch for signs that they're no longer interested in listening, or have something of their own to say (avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, checking their watch, sighing, etc.). If you notice something like that, it's time to either pause for a few seconds to give them a chance to weigh in or change the subject, or else ask them a question to give them a chance to talk about themselves and their own interests.

Try to keep in mind: how long would you want to listen to someone talk about something that doesn't interest you before you would just walk away? Unfortunately we need to assume that what interests us does not interest other people, so more often than not this is a fair gauge. If you're having trouble, in all seriousness, pull up a video online of a person talking about something you don't care about. Watch it and pretend you're the other person in the conversation, and pretend you are interested. How long can you keep it up? However long that is, that's the longest you should be talking about something in a conversation without giving the other person a turn.

It's also a good exercise to practice writing concisely. Write out an essay or blog entry or what-have-you on your favorite topic. Then go back through it and summarize each paragraph in a single sentence. It forces you to choose the most important information and stay focused. With enough practice, it can help you with speaking as well.

It's easy to say "to hell with them, talk as long as you want and it's their problem." But in reality, it becomes your problem when no one wants to listen anymore and everyone avoids you as the person who talks too much. But it can be learned. I've managed it well enough that when I tell people I have AS they don't believe me at first. : ) But that's taken 4 years of practice and I still have work to do. Be patient with yourself. You can do it. Good luck!



Stoek
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27 Oct 2012, 4:37 pm

Try to make it a rule to never talk about something in more than one sentence at a time. If you can't tell whether or not what your saying fits into a single sentence your rambling and should spend more time thinking about what your saying.

Never try to lead conversations either always let the other person even if these means talking much less.



SteelMaiden
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28 Oct 2012, 1:48 am

Thank you for the advice. I will try that.

I will practice it with my Dad and my friend first.


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idratherbeatree
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28 Oct 2012, 2:07 am

I talk when I'm nervous. Talking makes me nervous.... it never ends.


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Jediyoda
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28 Oct 2012, 2:26 am

When I was young according to my Mum I used to talk under wet cement that was because I was nervous being around people and scared. Now that I am older nearly 40 I know when to not talk and listen to what people say and not interfer in the conversation. I do not ramble or just talk if I have something to say such as my neighbours bullying me which one of them do constantly everyday I do go out the back and let them know how I feel and that I want them to go away and leave me alone I then get accused of rambling or talking to myself which they full well know I am speaking to them and then they laugh at me saying I'm a crazy, weirdo, freak and nutter.



sisugirl
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28 Oct 2012, 9:59 pm

For me and for my son who is also an Aspie we have a compulsion to talk. If I tried to shut up when talking the urge would just build up. Later, I would be embarrassed that I dominated the conversation. I have started to tell my self that it is not worth the embarrassment and stress I feel afterwards to do alot of talking and then the compulsion becomes less.



Brock
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29 Oct 2012, 4:28 am

This is going to sound very stupid. But it is also coming from someone who kicked the rambling habit. A very bad rambling habit.

Pick a word that is really common, but not ultra common. Not a word like "the" or "she" but a word like "about" or "really".

Pick the word and then totally immerse your mind in it. Say it out loud to yourself, write it down a bunch of times, listen for it on tv shows, etc. The whole time you are beating this word into your mind. Also be thinking of it as a reminder to think about what you are saying. It may take a couple days or weeks, but stick with it. Make sure to say it out loud a great deal.

Soon enough, every time that word comes out of your mouth during conversation, you are reminded to quickly think about what you are saying. It does not take long to print the word in your brain and the reminder it gives you is really natural feeling. By that I mean its not like a note you dig for in your pocket or something like that.

It works. It's stupid but works.



SteelMaiden
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29 Oct 2012, 3:01 pm

Thanks everyone.

Brock - I will try that.


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I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.