Trouble coping with parenting

Post Reply New Topic

I'm finding that most of the people in the parenting section are not on the spectrum, so I was wondering if anyone hanging out in this section is a parent on the spectrum?

I'm having a tremendously difficult time dealing with my sons temper-tantrums (he's a year old). They cause me to have a melt-down, and this has been happening constantly. I'm suspecting that his own temper-tantrums are actually melt-downs, and his doctor is setting him up for an early evaluation appointment. Anyway...I'm finding it impossible to find any help with this. I cannot find any resources for parents on the spectrum, and generally speaking it seems as though Adults with Autism are completely on their own, especially when they're so high functioning. But the thing is, I really really feel like I need help here...and I can't find any. I feel like I'm a horrible parent, because I need a lot of time to "zone out" and I just can't have it being alone for 50+ hours a week with a difficult baby. I can mostly control my melt downs to the point of putting my son in his crib and leaving the room so he doesn't have to see it, but even then I just feel completely awful. My husband has Aspergers as well and he's not much of a help with any of this. If anything, he just makes my life more difficult most of the time.

Can anyone point me in the direction of some resources or help? Thank you.

*hugs*

I'm on the spectrum and I have had the same thing happen to me. My boys would cry and cause my brain to just shut down, and then they got mobile and had full-fledged meltdowns which triggered my own.

My therapist recommended in-home help and respite.

I think parenting classes are important not just to someone who has Aspergers but almost anyone. I have 4 children and very often I find myself exhausted or frustrated by there noise. Knowing when my meltdowns are coming is helpful as I can take a break or come up with an activity for my kids to do in order to calm the noise level down is helpful.

I think parents are very hard on themselves and expect perfection out of themselves instead of coming up with plans of actions so that they can try to avoid some of the meltdowns. I actually teach marriage classes and parenting classes and have found some of what I do as someone who has aspergers helps lots of couples.

I actually make a list of things that might cause children to have temper tantrums. Unless necessary I work on ways to avoid them or have a plan to alleveiate the temper tantrum as quickly as possible.

example: My almost 2 year old throws tantrums quite easily but I know he loves stacking duplo. I keep a box filled with duplo away so that way when he starts getting really upset I pull that out and it distracts him from what he was originally upset about.

Another thing that kids need is schedules which is something people which usually helps people with aspergers, My children wake up at the same time every morning and they know are schedule. We than go over the day schedule. Obviously you can't do that for 1 year olds but you can follow a schedule and that helps keep tantrums down.

Even though I may teach these things there are days where I fail and have to take breaks. I will call a babysitter and go out to a movie with my wife. I will also put my children in there rooms and give myself a timeout. There are days that I end up completely worn out due to my sensory issues as well. The only thing I can suggest for that is too take breaks for yourself if possible and talk to your husband. You can't be expected to do it all on your own and come up with a plan on parenting together so that you both know what is expected and can attempt to follow that plan.

i have one kid i havent gone for second kid and probably never will.
i cant deal with kids
its way beyond anything

some months back i broke the glass tepoy due to my sons tantrums
my hubby had to rebuild the tepoy he had to buy new glass for it
it was so much hard work

i avoid my son and his confrontations i will end up harming him more
if i am around when he is throwing tantrums

I have used ear plugs when my son get me overwhelmed. I have put him in his room and closed the door so I can calm down and have a break. I feel I shut down when he has tantrums and I don't know what he wants. Other times I can deal with them just fine.

Definitely hugs to you....


Is it possible for you to hang on for just enough time to put your child down, in the crib, in a play pen, and then go have a quick time out? I did this with my son a few times when he'd freak out (age 1 and under) and I'd freak out. One time he starting having a meltdown, I was by myself, no mommy, and I started yelling at him while he was in my arms, I only had enough control to put him in his crib, and take a breather.... I think I started crying and punched the washing machine lol.

My doc explained that he lost control so I lost control, and that we were both in same place in a way. From a psychological standpoint, (if you believe in this stuff which I do) we were both looking for mommy..... It put it in a different perspective. One of us had to be in control. It happened a few more times, I freaked out but got him to his crib.

You're dealing with something that's amazingly difficult, it's honorable that you come here for help. I guess I would repeat that there's nothing wrong with mommy taking a time out too.

Don't feel like a bad parent for it. Being around a toddler having a tantrum is difficult for anyone, and it's not your fault that he has them: it's part of the age. I have four kids, two probably NT, two possibly mild AS, but they all had tantrums at that age. They are very much like meltdowns, of course - it seems to me my meltdowns are just a grown woman having a tantrum - and, as with meltdowns, sometimes the best thing to do is to let the child be until they calm down. Distraction might work too, if you're quick enough that they don't have time to get really worked up. But don't feel guilty - guilt just increases your stress - and try to work some time into your routine where you can unwind in peace and quiet. When my kids were that age I often found taking them for a walk in the stroller let me relax: they'd just watch the scenery or sleep and I could think my own thoughts and be calm. Often you can see a tantrum coming and head it off with distraction, by changing the plans a bit, or simply by how you approach the situation (my oldest hated getting dressed as a toddler but I found that if I did it quickly enough while talking about the steps in the process, she'd tolerate it - stuff like that).

Choose your battles. I'm not saying give him what he wants to stop a tantrum - that just reinforces them - but distinguish manipulation from simply not being able to handle things, and, in the latter case, things that can be avoided and things that can't. When in doubt, giving him and yourself a little space to calm down when a tantrum happens is actually a good way to deal with it.

I stay so stressed out with my kiddoes and they have a meltdown or get loud and yelling at each other, and I have gone into meltdown mode because of it. I felt like I was going to have one tonight, but my husband did step in and help. When my son was little, only a few weeks old, he had Pyloric Stenosis <---clickable if you want to read about it. He was constantly crying and I shut down right along with him. I feel that parenting classes would help me.

I dont want kids for 2 reasons. 1: I dont like kids and 2: fear that it would end up like me.