sensory overload (bizarre)

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so i started my new job today. it should be better because i have an office with a door that i can shut. sure, the place is awful in all sorts of sensory ways, but i am a creative guy with no shame so i will come up with some workable solutions and anyway, theres always the old headphones, sunglasses and same clothes every day.

so a staff member came into my office and sat down across from me and started sharing things about my new place of work (generally being helpful). it was pretty bright in there and i was trying not to bend too much to social pressures and make eye contact that was too consistent (because i want to be authentic and not have the staff come to expect certain behaviors that i wont be able to maintain).

anyway, there is a metal radiator on the wall behind her in my office and it has hundreds of little holes in it. the executive assistant mentioned it, so i know it is a pattern that might drive an NT a little crazy given time. so during a longer eye contact stretch of time, i noticed that she was merging with the pattern. like it all became wallpaper. like i just could not focus on her eyes any longer or distinguish one from the other. it became (quite literally) disordered. im pretty good these days at detaching myself from fear, so when it happened, i just let it happen and was actually able to still listen to what she was talking about. ive practiced this out in the field when i lose my hearing because of too many noise sources: simply not fighting it and thus remain able to navigate myself into a fewer noises environment. this seems to take care of the anxiety that comes from any thoughts im having about the difficulty in functioning.

anyway...i almost didnt post this, but i have no one else to talk to about these things. i mean no one.

p.s. (long explanation) but psychosis is not a consideration.

if anyone has any ideas about how to improve functionality in an office, i would greatly appreciate it. i am in no hurry, but it is my first priority there. i cannot turn off the lights in my office as all of the cubes are connected. do they make a film you can put on the top of fluorescent lights? as in a film that would go over the plastic that covers them on a drop ceiling?

also, everyone in the office seems to be able to hear everyone else as the cubes dont go all the way to the ceiling so it is possible there will be a lot of noise sources. ive heard of these 'noise canceling' hearing aids, rather than sound enhancing hearing aids? does anyone have any of these?

really any ideas would be helpful.

I understand this is called a dissociative state, and am in some way relieved that it happens to other people.

I haven't discussed this with professionals, because I'm afraid to be drugged.

I have made peace with it, am not prone to harm myself or others.


I don't have any but would use your idea.