Do you find that there are situations were...

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knowing how to read or what someone is feeling doesn't help at all? Like is this what they refer to when they say people with AS lack social skills. Or could this be more social anxiety (even though I'm not really that anxious about what people think of me at all). Or something else...? This will be one of my last questions... I think I've decide to bring up my suspicions with my psych (I have the conversation rehearsed!).

For example... if you send me in to do something (need to get something from my school counselor for example) and don't give me instructions I'm clueless. Usually I freeze, what do I do?! !

Like take the school example. I need to talk to my counselor about something, there's a secretary (Or TWO!) in the front. I start to wonder... should I have made an appointment? How does one even make an appointment? Do I just ask to talk to the secretary? Which one? There's no signs... What do I say? My problem is complex and I don't want to explain it to the secretary where everyone can hear. Do I just walk by and wait for the counselor by her door? Should I knock on the door? And I wonder these things because I've done all of them, and sometimes they'll tell me it's wrong at this school, and not say anything at another (like let me ignore the secretary and just wait my turn). Which confuses me so I'll analyze the situation later a million times in my head even if it went right. If they tell me I'm doing something wrong they'll tell me like I'm supposed to know. I feel like everyone was told how to handle these situations but me. Where did they learn it all! Or when I don't know were such an office is and I get the courage to ask, they'll often say things like "but you've never seen/been there?" like kids go to this office every day...

I've had people tell me they have experienced the same thing, that nobody knows how to handle most things, but then they tell me to get over my fear and just do something and figure it out. But that's were I really get stuck. It's like when they're lost, they go ahead and formulate a plan, and I just freeze. I fear everything I say will be wrong because it has been wrong. Also I feel stupid, like I should have known.... but then I don't think being able to read people would help? These are like emotionally neutral situations...

It doesn't sound like social anxiety to me, based on what you have described, and the people who are minimizing your experiences just don't understand.

It was quite a revelation to me to learn that people don't have to think through all of these situations, every step along the way. I do all that wondering and reviewing, too.

Has anybody found a way to deal with this?

I did it by cowering behind my mom and following her lead... but she's getting annoyed at it now that I'm older.

Like... I really wish there was like a life manual. Or maybe there is some sort of self-help book. I feel it somebody else has written it, than that must be how to go about things... I considered buying a book on etiquette once but it's like things are too varied now, in the past usually there were really strict rules (move here, shake hand, wear this shirt, always great someone like this). Also, they usually only guide in more formal stuff (weddings, dinners, etc.), at least from what I remember seeing. Maybe there exists such a book geared towards AS? Even if I end up not being diagnosed with it, we share this problem, and it would really help. I'm going to scour google and see what I can find.

I'm also considering writing down scripts of events that went right, or how they went wrong, and how I could fix them (now that I'm calm and can think), because I spend a lot of time analyzing events and it's torture sometimes. My mind just won't let things go.

Yes, a psychologist told me this