Diagnose yourself here

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WARNING: THIS IS AN IMAGINARY THREAD. NO ONE'S ACTING AS A REAL PROFESSIONAL

Just for this thread, please forget about all you've been diagnosed with by professionals. I'm asking you to diagnose yourself, give yourself sub-diagnoses if it fits, classify yourself according to (imaginary) sub-groups, create categories and ailments, disorders, whatever. The idea is to play with it without constraints and see what we come up with or would come up with if we had more of a saying about what we are.

Just for this thread, you are the professional diagnosing you, you're both the professional and the patient. And you have your own (imaginary) DSM, which coincides totally or not totally or not at all with the official DSM, doesn't matter. You are diseased, disordered, different, whatever fits your own (imaginary) professional formation. You can note down your (imaginary) professional specialization if you want. You can even be a 40th century professional coming to the 21st century invited to diagnose you.

I'll go first to demonstrate what I mean:

I'm a [imaginary] Neurologist and this is my diagnosis:
Patient: Ms. Greentea
Type of neurological configuration: Asperger's
Sub-type: NLD
Complaints: lack of social acceptance
Severity: acute
Unusual strengths: 1. linguistic 2. systematic analysis
Significant malfunctioning or impairment areas: Theory of Mind
Medicine prescribed: none
Treatment suggested: guidance in adaptation to Neurotypical world
Duration of treatment: lifelong

lol, going to be rough, but I'll give it a try:

Patient: Ms. Anxiety

Type of Neurological Configuration: Asperger's

Other noted issues: SAD (seasonal depression), and high anxiety

Complaints: no friends, no work... would like to get involved in the community, but finds it unsettling and difficult

Severity: disabling (not sure that is a level of severity, but hey)

Strengths: self-aware much of the time (regardless whether or not it's "after the fact"), can express herself fairly well (with use of coaxing at times)

Weaknesses: being unable to talk to strangers, lacking confidence of decisions, lacking confidence in social settings, eye contact seems to be minimum-if any, sees things too literally

Treatment suggested: therapy and possibly a personal aide at times (as silly as it sounds) to assist Ms. anxiety in making it through everyday situations, and to teach her the skills needed to be able to complete her goals

Duration of Treatment: lifetime

I loved it, anxiety!

Just note everyone, you can choose any format you like, I chose that one for me because I liked it.

*Daniel doesn't look at or talk to the physician*

Diagnosed.

Imaginary? cooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I'm an autism expert and this is my diagnosis: N O R M A L
Patient: Kaleido
Type of neurological configuration: Normal and perfectly formed
Sub-type: optimist
Complaints: not enough chocolate to eat
Severity: acute
Unusual strengths: none
Significant malfunctioning or impairment areas: not tall enough for my liking and memory is getting worse
Medicine prescribed: chocolate
Treatment suggested: Chef to serve medicine on silver platter or even a paper plate, just give me the CHOCOLATE!
Duration of treatment: lifelong and make the bars extra large

LOL Daniel - what's your diagnosis, then doctor?

After receiving detailed history of the patient's development from his parent, I must give him a straight diagnosis of Autistic Disorder by his current behaviour in my presence, and also with his failure to attain age-appropriate milestones. Requested to see patient again, in the hopes of him becoming more comfortable in my presence so he can communicate adequately to me*. Ruled out Schizophrenia due to absence of delusions and hallucinations.

Various symptoms displayed in my practice:

Failure to return greetings; failure to respond to questions asked most times--seems as if lost in thought; when does answer, poverty of speech evident, with single word replies being the most prevalent; rigid posture, sitting and walking; flat affect; no eye contact; a voice lacking in inflection; eyes lit up when mentioned a topic that "D" is obsessed over (mother supplied this information), but failed to respond to my queries in regards to said topic--appeared as if he wanted to share information due to a shift in posture and lightened features (need to rule out Asperger's with delayed speech if anxiety is the cause of his communicative difficulties now); spoke to his mother in a quiet and close voice when in waiting room to leave.

*Need to determine if communicative difficulties are due to primary anxiety or are routine orientated. If the former, treatment options are available.

Okay, this is cool. I checked my college clinical psychology reader and copied the observation list they use ther:
Patient: Ms. ChangelingGirl
Complaint: chronic overload that may lead to meltdowns. Difficulty coping with stress.
Somatic: patient is blind from birth.
Duration: has felt chronically overwhelmed since around 2001, getting worse since 2004. Needed to be hospitalized in 2007.
Impression: somewhat nervous.
Motor/activity: fidgets pretty much constantly.
Speech: mostly normal, but has mild word-finding problems when stressed.
Alertness: lucid
Attention: no symptoms
Orientation: good
Perception: hypersensitive to noise.
Memory: no symptoms
Thinking:
* Formal: coherent
* Content: some repetitive thoughts/worries
Mood: usually okay, but may change
Affect: somewhat instable
Insight/judgment: patient isn't always aware of impact of own behavior (meltdowns) on others. Thinks others are unaware of impact of overload on self.
Stressors: long-term hospitalization (since 2007) following crisis while living on her own/going to college. Uncertainty about future housing situation.

Diagnosis: Asperger's

Maybe I could say other thigns, but I am not inspired.

Oh, of course this tis the real stuff. I could do a fun "not enough chocolate" type thing, too.

Depression with manic moments. Without some manic moments I couldn’t survive.
Friends: none. Never had any.
Lived always alone.
Lack of concentration.
Egocentrism, living in a bubble.
Very sensitive to noises and odors.

Dr. Ralou
Impatient: Ralou

Diagnosis: Social Outcast

Reasons: Talks too much, uses words nobody understands, talks too fast, talks only about subjects no one else cares about, or subjects bound to lead to disagreement (religion or politics).

Treatment: None. Can't get a word in edgewise to recommend a medication or a course of therapy.

Prognosis: Must get a muzzle on Impatient before she drives us all insane.

Is Impatient a danger to self or others?: Impatient may inspire others to murder her if she doesn't shut up. Whether this qualifies Impatient as a threat to herself or to the others is unclear. Perhaps it's both. I recomment Impatient withdraw into her room immediately and avoid human interaction at all costs.

Patient: Marshall
Type of neurological configuration: Autism Spectrum
Sub-type: not sure
Complaints: lack of ability to interact socially, perfectionism, anxiety, irritability
Severity: moderate
Other medical conditions: depression
Severity: moderate-severe
Unusual strengths: visual-spatial, intuition, analytical thinking
Significant malfunctioning or impairment areas: social anxiety + executive function
Medicine prescribed: need to experiment to determine proper course of treatment.
Treatment suggested: support network, personal advocate
Duration of treatment: lifelong

Patient: Silence, SingIn
Type of neurological configuration: Aspergian
Sub-type: Melancholy
Complaints: Problems with social interaction, voice inflection, facial expression, spatial/mathematical thinking, and motor skills
Severity: Moderate
Other medical conditions: Depression, asthma, myopia
Severity: Moderate
Unusual strengths: Excellent linguist, exceptional memory
Significant malfunctioning or impairment areas: Social, mathematical
Medicine prescribed: Equally awkward friends
Treatment suggested: Spending time with the awkward friends to alleviate social symptoms; a lifelong ban from sports to reduce injuries
Duration of treatment: Lifelong

Oh you guys are a hoot Must copy and save this thread!

Patient: Darby

Diagnosis: Happy Hermit

Treatment: Be quiet and leave her alone

complaints
anxiety: always >mild to moderate around people
visual: moderate agnosia ( object blindness)
Attention: very short
Perception: hypersensitive to noise.
Memory: very absent minded with short term memory problems ; ADD related ( I believe)
overall behaviour : moderately obsessive and a consummate perfectionist style

Strenghts are general cognitve abilities with no impairements other than short term memory.

Diagnosis : looks like aspergers to me

Darby, it's midnight here, don't make me laugh so hard or I'll wake up the neighbors!

Patient: Miss. Sophie H
Type of neurological configuration: Assburgers!! (sorry couldn't resist)
Other issues: acute nerdiness
Complaints: hates eye conatct, daydreams too much/zones out, crap motor skills, can't organise herself without being reminded loads, not knowing what to say infront of people, gullible and not good at reading people's intentions, never shutting up about the internet and other interests, stubborn to change things, know-all, opinionated, isn't fond of being hugged and picky about comfort of clothes, hardly keeps still and is always stimming like a mad woman, gets hyper alot, ADD style attention span, child-like behaviour, prone to tantrums
Severity: this is a pain in the arse-functioning
Strengths: long term memory, creativity, intelligence
Significant malfunctioning or impairment areas: organisation