Relying on others for social information

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Catharascotia
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 107
Location: USA

29 Dec 2012, 10:24 pm

One thing that's really stressful for me with failure to read social cues is that I have to rely on other people to tell me things, and more importantly, I have to trust that they're telling me the truth. For example, if I think someone is mad at me, I'll ask a friend, "Is he mad at me?" If they say no, I'll have to trust that they're reading the situation right and that what I perceive is actually not accurate, and that's really hard for me, especially because NTs have such a tendency to lie to be polite.
Does anyone else struggle with this?



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

29 Dec 2012, 10:31 pm

All the time.



Konstans
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2012
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 76

29 Dec 2012, 10:44 pm

Luckily, I have a wife who discreetly point out these things for me. I also do not recognise faces, so at social gatherings, she stands beside me like a presidents secretary and whispers everybodys name, social status and other, useful information.
An example: one couple enters a room in a party. My wife will then wisper to me: " That is mr. and mrs X who you know from Y's wedding party. You have met them twice before"
That helps me to avoid any embarrasment and I can meet others with more confidence and with well rehearsed chit-chat.

When my wife is not there, I am usually helpless, so I rarely attend social situations without her.



Catharascotia
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 107
Location: USA

29 Dec 2012, 10:50 pm

Konstans wrote:
Luckily, I have a wife who discreetly point out these things for me. I also do not recognise faces, so at social gatherings, she stands beside me like a presidents secretary and whispers everybodys name, social status and other, useful information.
An example: one couple enters a room in a party. My wife will then wisper to me: " That is mr. and mrs X who you know from Y's wedding party. You have met them twice before"
That helps me to avoid any embarrasment and I can meet others with more confidence and with well rehearsed chit-chat.

When my wife is not there, I am usually helpless, so I rarely attend social situations without her.


I wish I had someone like that! It happens so often that people come up and start chatting like I know them, and I have no idea who they are. The trouble is, when I'm with my dad, he often doesn't remember who they are either. Today at the store this guy came up who knew my dad and who apparently lives in our neighborhood, and then he started talking to me about how I'd seen his new dogs and how he'd seen me around the neighborhood. I was like, "Uhh...yeah." Then he left and my dad told me that he thought the guy was mistaken and that we hadn't actually ever met.



tjr1243
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 379

29 Dec 2012, 11:43 pm

Catharascotia wrote:
One thing that's really stressful for me with failure to read social cues is that I have to rely on other people to tell me things, and more importantly, I have to trust that they're telling me the truth. For example, if I think someone is mad at me, I'll ask a friend, "Is he mad at me?" If they say no, I'll have to trust that they're reading the situation right and that what I perceive is actually not accurate, and that's really hard for me, especially because NTs have such a tendency to lie to be polite.
Does anyone else struggle with this?


YES, yes and yes!! I sense pretty quickly if I may be putting someone off. On occasion, i've asked, only to be told the polite (yet possibly untrue) answer. But the actions don't change and the person continues to act miffed. At some point, it just spirals and I can't be comfortable around the person at all. The person must sense that and continues to act put off.

I don't know if they were originally put off by something or whether my disturbed worried reaction started it. Either way, it results in gradually alienating the person. Yet, throughout this drama, the person never gives an inkling that anything is wrong, except by their actions (and not by their polite words).



r84shi37
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 448

30 Dec 2012, 1:22 am

I frequently talk to my only friend and ask him how people perceive me. Frankly, I was shocked when he told me that I appear "creepy" to other people. In retrospect, it makes sense :roll: . I ask him for social advice all the time, I ask him what's ok and not ok for certain situations. He can be very helpful to me. I think I'll tell him about my suspected AS next time I see him in person... maybe not. I guess I'll find out.


_________________
Do I have HFA? Nope, I've never seen a psychiatrist in my life. I'm just here to talk to you crazies. ; - )