How to talk about Autism to the unbeliever

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I have a strong feeling that eventually this topic will re-surface at home with my gf and I fear that once again it can and will get very ugly. She is under a lot of stress herself and I do not wish for things to spiral downwards when the time comes to talk about this.

I fear to show her documentation because she will argue it at every turn and insist that I do not show consistent traits of autism. Her biggest arguments are how sometimes I am fine and sometimes I am not in the exact same conditions. If my behavior does not replicate every time, it must be a choice, not a problem.

The other problem I have is that I am not very good at making my points across and I do not wish to seem pushy or like I am making excuses.

Another problem is my communication. I used to be an avid writer, I love to read and I have what she calls creativity. She insists that my ability to say what I think (albeit rudely at times and without consideration from my part in her opinion) there is nothing wrong with me socially.

Overall she thinks i may have problems (stress, anxiety and even paranoia a bit, not nothing disabling), but I am not disabled and there is nothing autistic about me. We do suspect I hd a minor stroke a few years back and thus she thinks it is possible I have a few cognition problems NOW, but not autism, not aspergers. No way.

I am positive that I will need assistance in this arena. I would love to find autism resources where I live. The diagnosis process is going to be really hard and harder if I pursue it alone, because I will not have the dedication it takes to get it. I need her support and I am not sure how to get it from her.

Sorry if I am going to sound stupid here but your profile say you have Asperger's Diagnosed and you say in your OP about a diagnoses process?

If you have reason to believe you have autism, then it makes sense to get an evaluation. Tell her--if the professionals rule it out, she'll turn out to be right; if they do diagnose you, then at least you'll both have an answer. Wouldn't she support you whether you had autism or not? The best thing you can do is get the evaluation, find out for sure, and get access to any treatment/therapy/accommodations you may need. It won't do much good to leave the question hanging in the air like that.

By the way, it's normal for autistic people to be able to do things some of the time that they cannot do all of the time. That includes extreme examples, like people who can speak sometimes, but not always. It depends on your energy level, your surroundings, and the particular nature of the task and your own abilities. It is quite common for autistic people to have higher-level skills that they can access only sometimes.

That your girlfriend is also having a hard time in life means that you should be sure that you take care of her needs as well as her taking care of yours. It's an awkward place to be in, when both people in a relationship are dealing with their own personal troubles and can't be there for each other as much as they could be if their own lives were simpler. Just make sure both of you take it into account, and not get angry at each other for not being able to give time or energy that's not there to give. It would be nice if she weren't stressed out or you weren't going through an evaluation for autism, but that's the hand life has dealt the both of you, and it's probably going to be rough for a while.

When you explain things to her, try to put it in specific terms. List the problems you have, and explain why you need help for them. That's what a diagnosis is for; it's to get help, not to label yourself for no reason.

I infer from your post that you have told her that you believe you have aspergers and she doesn't agree. I have found that when 2 people have talked out a situation and cannot agree, there is no profit in going over it again and again. Repeated conversation on the topic tends to cement opinion.

When I have presented something true to my rational, caring friends and they simply do not believe it after hearing my arguments in support of my belief, I leave the topic alone. Even if they bring it up, I try to say little or nothing about it. I allow them to sit with the idea. Whether or not I or they realize it, they are testing my idea against circumstances as they arise. It has not been unusual, in my experience, for them to eventually come close to seeing the truth in what I said. Also I have often had the same experience in reverse; I have tested others' assertions that I do not agree with and learned that they were right.

Give it time. She may come around. I have seen this exact scenario play out within a couple with whom I am close friends. The husband came to believe that he has AS (his son is diagnosed with AS). His wife (and myself) believed that he was simply excusing lazy behavior. Through time, she (and I) came to the realization that his behavior and life trajectory is quite indicative of AS.

first off. There is not a specific way to be and have aspergers it affects everyone differently.

Everyone in my family has it.
father, four uncles, Grandfather's, two Brother's, and my Son and Daughter.

Sure, we absolutely have similar interests, and the fighting is unreal, no lack of drama here.
But we all show differing traits.

My youngest uncle can not feel or understand why he hurts people.
Most of us are very talented in something or everything with our hands.
My Brother runs away from any confrontation, but plays team sports like a superstar???
Some social anxiety, some paranoid, some just plain weird.

My Father's side has very high PIQ
My Mothers side has High VIQ
all to differing degree's
My brother and I have both, and that makes things more interesting.

Get a neuro-Psychological evaluation preformed. So You Know.
Do Not Press The issue anymore it will upset you more than her.
Then have the Psychologist explain it to your family for you.
Embracing it will help you cope with life, helping navigate and avoid the pitfalls.

The strangest part will be she will believe the Psychologist telling her the same thing you are just because the Psychologist has a degree and is an uninterested third party. So the Psychologist words will carry greater weight. . Even though she is saying the same things you are.

Why does the possibility that you are autistic bother her so much? If this is something you are pursuing, then obviously it is important to you. I don't think she is being a good partner. Whatever her opinion on the matter, she should be supportive of you seeking professional counselling.

I had a childhood diagnosis,but I am from Puerto Rico and the doctor retired. I have no contact and my mother refuses to give me or find, DX papers. She has a penchant for "ignoring" flaws. I need to be diagnosed again to have actual papers.

Ok here is an update: I did not bring it up. She did!

We where talking and I got kind of angry and told her "We are wired differently"! She was not mad the entire conversation. We talked about a lot of things. How I can show responsiveness and seem to care about what some people say and not what others. How I can be superfically social and yet be totally lost. She said, you show so much emotion! So I actually proceeded to mimic her (to her surprice it was amazingly close to her own manerisms and speech cadence) and showed her how I have mimiqued people all my life. How I do NOT understand certain things. Even admitted to laugh in groups when everyone laughs and have no idea what the joke was.

She looked at me, blinked asked me about childhood things like habbits. I told her how much I liked to rock, how I like to choose my food, the things I did growing up like organizing my grandmother's figurines by size and type and admitted to a long-lasting obsession with certain toys I have greatly outgrown.

It got deeper than that but I can't really remember all the details.

Anyways she looked at me and said "You may be an aspie".

I was like "I DID try to tell you"

She told me "You never told me or showed me THIS much before"

I told her I had not known how.

All this time she thought it was ridiculous to try to make me talk to her, like pulling teeth, she called it.

She is wondering if there are resources I could access for a new DX here where we live, I am looking into it.

However she said that as aside or not, I need to try and work on things better,such as looking at the direction of whom I am speaking, for example, to try not to be rude as I usually come across.

We actually have not had arguments in a while, though I am feeling very self-conscious.

It is of course possible to have AS and still be a lazy so-and-so...

wrong thread!

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