Is the word "retardation" offensive to you?

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Ok... so i have like 2 friends here... ><

and they somewhat know of my AS... as i've tried telling them it's the best explanation of why i am so weird... and they know i'm weird! they're really being nice about everything and they often have questions and such and give me good feedback on their observations of me...

but last night... one of them was trying to talk proffesionally on the topic of learning disabilities and ask questions about AS... and he called me ret*d to my face! he was giving some kind of speech cause his mom used to be a special education teacher and everytime he would even mention someone with a learning disability... he kept saying they were ret*d and actually reffered to them as ret*ds too!

i tried to tell him that many people might find that offensive! cause at least for me... "ret*d" seems to refer to a specific IQ issue and though i know it has a technical definition for anything that is impaired aka- slower... that it still carries an offensive connotation because of how it is used socially a lot. like the words "idiot" and "moron" are very valid scientific words with specific meanings... however, if i ever met an idiot or moron... i would never use this word (especially to their face) to describe them... as it carries negative connotations...

my point is... would you feel offended if someone called you ret*d? my friend apologized and said that he meant no offense... but he would not back down from asserting that "ret*d" is the official lingo that his mom used for the kids she worked with in the public schools she worked at. i personally can't see anyone of a proffesional nature calling their work subjects (we're talking kids here!) ret*ds... especially to their face. (i think he was putting words into his mom's mouth....)

i couldn't even get this guy to understand how people would possibly be offended by this...

so would you be offended by this?

would you say that "retardation" only applies to people with some sort of brain damage or would you feel ok with applying it to all people who have a learning disability?

i vote that it is offensive to me and i can see how it'd be offensive to others... even if it is accurate in describing someone... i'm sure there are other valid ways of discribing people's disabilities... and i don't feel that "retardation" should apply to all people with learning disabilities.

About a couple of weeks ago, I had a meltdown regarding what school to go to. I feel that my parents are trying to control every aspect of my life. And when I had a meltdown, my own mother told me "I'm starting to think you're ret*d."

It's like I am not allowed to have feelings of my own, and what my parents want from me is total submission. They try to control what kind of music I listen to, and they ridicule me for watching South Park and Adult Swim. They read my bank statements, and it's a miracle that they don't check my Internet history on my computer. If it wasn't for them, I could have gone off to college when I was 18, and had my degree when I was 22, and had a wonderful career as a geologist--and not limiting my girlfriend search to other Aspies.

Tim

I'd probably retaliate by calling them something offensive back. When they get offended, I'd just tell them that if they stop calling me a ret*d I'll stop using offensive terms to refer to them. If they won't give in when asked and told exactly why it's offensive, they are now no friends of mine.

And people in England wouldn't now use the word 'ret*d' to refer to someone unless they wanted to be offensive.

They use the word ignorantly. They have no idea what they are talking about, they are just talking to hear themselves talk. In my world, that is ret*d - claiming you know something when you don't.

I've never been called ret*d, haven't given people much reason, but I use the term a lot. If it was said to me with passion, I dont know how I'd react.

Ironically, I use the words IDIOT and MORON a LOT! To refer to people that seem to be INTENTIONALLY creating a problem because they don't care, etc... Most of them would probably consider themselves average or even smart! I don't think I have EVER used the word ret**d or any of its variants to refer to people like that.

ret**d comes from the french retardar(to slow down or limit). By that measure, it could apply to ANYONE!

As for your friend? He doesn't sound like much of a friend. And a LOT of the retardation created today is created by "teachers". The IQ, if it is low, is almost used as a COPOUT! Eventually, the biggest "problems" are handed off to a special area that is expected to do LESS, after all, the students ARE limited, RIGHT? And that area is known as "special ed"/Special Needs, etc...

In short, his mother may be part of the problem, and one of the worst. She has such a stupid son, and is so bad at teaching HIM, she must be the worst of the worst!

Happily, ret**d etc... haven't been used to refer to me. Genius and expert HAVE! ALSO, some people have called me an idiot or stupid about some particular case and usually out of anger. I consider ret**d and similar variants to be stupid, ignorant, and insulting. MOST people that I have heard saying the word about a particular person, outside of referring to one with obvious mental damage, are dumb themselves.

Steve

BTW what is this learning disability I keep hearing about? HECK, if I didn't already have SO much knowledge(people have called it encyclopedic), I would almost have doubted myself a few months ago. My memory seemed so bad. It turned out it was just nutrition, so I am back to my old self almost. I trust that isn't what YOU ar talking about. It would be TOO big of a coincidence.

The encyclopedic knowledge I have is a symptom of AS. People always asked me WHY! I always just smiled or truthfully said "I have no idea". NOW, I DO know. Anyway, I guess the average AS person doesn't have any problems when they are young!

Maybe if you guys let me know what problems you have, I can help. I am getting a LOT better at it. Trying to learn 3 languages SIMULTANEOUSLY helps!

Regardless, WHO CARES if the short term memory is 100% capable? nobody has to really know, and you would still be FAR from ret**ded!

Steve

I believe the PC term is Developmentally Delayed.That is a mouthful so it is often shortened to DD.I work with DD clients and would never use the term ret*d to them(but often "think" it about several staff I work with).I believe the reason the word was changed is similar to the "N" word, which was initualy used to describe people of African descent.It became a derogatory term and has been change many times in my life time,(ironically used in rap music as a way to own the word and take away it's power?Never really understood this)The term was originally used because Niger meant black in latin (or something like that).


Point being....the word isnt negative but is used so often with ill intent that they have to keep changing it.I remember an insult when I was in school.....calling someone "special"...as in "special ed"....you can get rid of the term but not peoples disdain for people they think are inferior to them.ret*d means to be held back.I dont think it is a very accurate term because it implies that the individual will eventually go further but takes longer to get there.That is not true with my clients...they can only go so far in their ability to learn.(They are in their 40's)I dont think that describes aspie situation either.NT's have some innate abilities that we have to learn intellectually(If we chose to).Our "handicaps" are only in the context of the society in which we live.

I think it depends on the context if it's offensive ior not. If someone used it just due to a limited vocabulary out of pure ignorance (or it just slipped out by accident) I would point out that in reference to children who could be described as "r***rded" that a more acceptable term would be "special needs" if used in reference to me, I would politely point out that my IQ is actually well above normal, and if they were using it to refer to my CP friend, I would get slightly annoyed and point out thast CP affects the body and not the brain. In these cases I would be looing for AN ACCEOPTANCE THAT THE TERM COULD BE OFFENSIVE AND MAYBE AN APOLOGY.

If they were using it in any other context, yes I would get annoyed, and definately expect an apology, and if they were deliberately doing it to p*** me off, I might end up striking them.

JulieArticuno

It does annoy me when people use that term. My sister used to work with DD Teens. If somebody called me the R-word, I'l call them something twice as offensive. I'm like reflective tape. I reflect off what people dish out to me.

There's a difference between "retardation" (a medical term) and "ret*d" (an insult). Your friend might not have realized the distinction. As it gains a negative connotation, "Retardation" is slowly being replaced by "Developmental delay"; but it is still a valid and mostly neutral term.

If someone called me "ret*d", I'd just think they were incorrect (probably misled by my awkward social interaction), since an IQ of <70 is the cutoff mark for mental retardation, and my IQ is 135-ish.

If someone called me "a ret*d", I would probably assume they meant to insult me and react accordingly--usually, for me, by ignoring them and putting them on my mental "annoying people not to take personally" list. I'm not very good at making confrontations, unless somebody else is getting targeted too.

Unfortunately, if someone used "ret*d" in a subtly insulting manner, or "ret*d" in a clinical manner, I would probably take it the wrong way and be either naive or needlessly offended. But then, with AS, I can't expect myself to read people perfectly, anyway; and mistakes help me to learn properly.

I think I had better get with the times, though, and start using "developmental delay" instead of "mental retardation"... Eventually, it will be an insult no matter how you use it; and I'd probably be oblivious enough not to pick up on it when it happened. Better to be painfully politically correct than to hurt somebody.

If someone calls me ret*d in an effort to insult me, then that is grounds to be insulted.

The word "ret*d" is correctly used in the general diagnosis of "mental retardation" and in this usage it is clinical and not an insult.

Autism can be accompanied with mental retardation but this is not always the case, or never the case in regards to Asperger's Syndrome.

Besides, ret*d is IRONICALLY, a "big word". Most people just don't know it because ONE of the accepted meanings is perceived to be understood by everyone.

Developmental Delay is a phrase that everyone REALLY understands. It really has no meaning besides that meant by ret**ded. NOBODY believes ret**ded people have hit their limit because that would obviate the need for any education at all.

Steve

If its aimed at me or my brothers and sisters (all of you) then hell yes i'm offended!! !! !

NT's are teh real ret*ds,or at least teh ones that are a******.....

Words in and of themselves very rarely offend me. The intent or sentiment behind the words is what causes offense, in my eyes.