Being overly obedient

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I heard a PSA promoting reading and the featured book title was "Ella Enchanted". I hadn't heard of it but the description of the protagonist being unable to defy a direct demand from someone struck a chord with me, as memories of childhood show it to be major problem for me; I had no way of differentiating a classmate asking me a favor between a suggestion of mischief. I see this now as the root of what got me into many unwitting interactions with the school principals. In fact I'm sure with one of my most traumatizing experiences that I can't recall ever registering a fear of dislike from the peer who instigated me to do something inappropriate. This alone would disqualify a classic case of "people pleasing", am I wrong on that?

your self-description reminds me of my own omega-ness, being the low person on the totem pole with everybody above me.

I wouldn't say I'm Ella status, but I try to be helpful when I can. IDK, it's just my nature I guess. Its difficult though, because people take advantage of that and I can't tell. UGH frustrating.

I'm a pleaser up to a point but if I think a person is taking advantage I change tack.

I've always been so non-confrontational that I tend to defer to others even when I probably shouldn't, just so I don't raise a fuss.

Yes that's a major reason I do it - to ensure an interaction goes as smoothly as possible.

I am the total opposite; not at all obedient.
Now I am a bit more, but during childhood... I was terrible.
I can accept authority only when it comes from someone I like, like my science teacher. I like him, so I will obey him, or I'll try at least.
I hate my History teacher. I will not pay attention during her lessons, I will interrupt her and I won't do the homework she gives me, or I'll do it carelessly.

How old are you?

You sound exactly like I was at 15. Since then, I've gone to university and found both that my tolerance for direction is higher and I'm in an environment where authority figures are less controlling.

I was homeschooled from grade 7-9, then went to high school for grade 10. I got along well with my science teacher, ended up in serious conflicts with my Spanish and math teachers, and did OK in Chinese until I had a panic attack during the final exam and never finished the exam. (I had thought she'd say a statement I needed to translate twice, but she only said it once, and I couldn't process it at all. So I panicked and ran out of the room.)

I ended up being homeschooled for 11 and 12, then challenging the SAT so I could go to university. My SAT scores were very good, indicating that despite how hard I am to teach, I'm pretty good at learning on my own.

That's me pretty much as well. Funny that the two of us ended up clashing the other week on this forum.

Did we?

I have a very bad memory! What did we clash over?

I think I was talking about in real life more than online though. I'm far more likely to say what I think online and if I get annoyed enough in real life I become the very opposite of deferring - it's like one extreme to the other! I am not good at acting immediately on my feelings of anger in real life though - I usually feel inhibited but that means it just builds up.
So a typical scenario would be me being polite to a person's face then getting back home and ranting about it to my partner.

The subject heading of this thread got my attention immediately. I quoted above as yes, I am this - and more.

I am a paradox. I am as quoted, but I am also as stubborn as they come. I go along not to make a fuss, and maybe because lots of times I don't care - but when my heels are in or when I am fixated on something - just try to move me! Won't happen.

In the middle of all this, I also get muddled. My indecision factors in because as I am caught up in weighing possibilities, right/wrong, do I want to or don't I - what have you - when I am under time pressure, I think I go along with things just because I have to pick something, and conversely I might not for the same reason.

Meny times I found myself being someones pawn in their chess game taking orders willingly, Usally thinking what I was doing was normal procedure and would lead to accpectance and friendship only to get left holding the bag in the end.

Meny people thought I was a trouble maker when in reality I was just overly obedient to anyone who would gave me an order, EVERYONE, I think alot of it came from thinking and feeling like I was always on the bottom of the ladder, even to fellow students.

That happened at school quite often then and sometimes happends today, when I finally "get it" I end up showing alot of anger to the suprise of the people giving the orders, they thought I was such a nice person.

I've always been very obedient, ever since I was a very young child. My father always talks about what an easy child I was compared to others he knows...he barely ever had to raise his voice to me.

On the other hand, when I got more "out into" the world, my extreme obedience became a problem....I knew not to let people pressure me into things like smoking, drinking, and doing bad things, but I always got the feeling that when I made a friend, I became that person's "subordinate"....I had to do what the friend wanted me to do in order to keep said friend. I think part of this was bcuz from the ages of 9-11, my mother's complaints that I was "always off in my own world" became more frequent, and I sensed that I had to make at least one friend to pacify her before she forced me to go to some kind of torturous therapy or social skills class or whatever (she made me go to a ton of them once I got to 7th and 8th grade anyway. ).

I'm going to be 21 in less than a month, and I still have only this very skewed idea of what "friendship" is....the dominant/submissive (no, no, not like that) kinda relationship I mentioned above. I suppose that plays a big role in the fact that I try to avoid people and relationships as much as I possibly can - I don't want to be like anyone's little trained dog anymore.

Ehh, something about NTs. It's not important to me. I much prefer not being at odds with you, anyway.



With me, it happens a lot in work situations. Co-workers can usually count on me to share the workload, or to take the fall for them, or to be the one who gives in when there's a conflict between us (even if I know I'm right). Generally speaking, if they stay polite, I won't have a problem. It's only when they start to think that I'm a pushover and decide to trample all over me, that I'll put my foot down and have my say. And when I do, it tends to come as a surprise.

I'm exactly 15.

I have a mix of both in my childhood history. At times I would be very difficult, and at other times I would be stupidly compliant.

Weirdly (and counter-productively I now realize), I was more likely to obey my peers than my teachers. I guess it's because I had problems with authority, but was still at that age where I wanted to fit in and be liked by the other kids.

I remember one particularly embarrassing incident when some kids on the bus kept pushing me to "kiss the lap" of the boy next to me. Strange request, right? I had no idea what the significance of that action was but I could see that the other kids were very excited to see me do it, so I did it. I thought it would make them like me, but of course it only brought more bullying and ridicule.

"I don't understand! You just asked me to do something, but then ridicule me when I actually do it???"

Good lord was I naive back them.