Approaching Mom about (possibly/most likely) being an Aspie?

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Sorry this is long.
(It is long because I put in information, my plan, and background information.)

She is very supportive in everything that I do, but she is also very hypocritical and backsteps on things(opinions easily deterred by family and her very close friends)...

(also, she is a first grade teacher that specializes/went to college for extra years for Special Education)
EX on opinion changing:
- when I was little she told me "you have selective mutism" (diagnosed only by her, not a doctor)
- when I was older, she told me "stop talking like that, you never had that, that isn't true!"
- my grandmother kept saying that I have ADD, she refused to acknowlegde it.
- my grandmother KEPT saying and explaining it, she finally agreed to listen and go to the doctor
- NOW I am diagnosed with ADD(and on Adderall), and she acts like she has alsways known...
- etc.

How should I approach her about being/getting diagnosed for Asperger's?
- the easiest thing I can think of is writing a letter (my choice if I have to converse with people...)
- or starting an awkward conversation that goes something like this:
Conversation:
- Me: "you trust my judgement, correct?"
- Her: Yes...?
- Me: "I know that you want to help me graduate and excell in things that I want to do"
- Her: she will most likely butt in with some reasurring comment on my stubborn-ness when I hyperfocus on something I like or want to do.
- Me: "I think that I may have something that is undiagnosed as of now"
- Her: "What is it?" and she'll probably rattle off a few things
- Me: (avoid at all costs saying "autism" or "aspergers" until done) go through a lot of the symptoms, print out the test(s) I have taken, etc.
- Her: "a lot of those sound like you" (all of them sound like me except for me "people watching" habit that kind of freaks people out; she will either be completely on board or completely in denial at this point)
- Me: "do you think that I could bring it up at the doctor or ask where to go to get diagnosed" (for ADD I wanted to try long lasting pills now, so we have been going a lot lately.. and are going this Friday in 3 days)

Is there anything that I should mention?
Do you need any other information about me, or my situation, to help with your answer on how to help me?

Also/Background:
- Female, age 17, ADD.
- AQ 42+ (I took it a few times over the months, the lowest I ever got was 42)
- other people (family) have suspicion for: Severe (social) Anxiety, silght OCD, Depression.
- I think that, after endless research, that they are all mis-diagnosing
- (I don't know if it matters, but) Runs in the Family: Anxiety, OCD, Depression, ADD/ADHD, etc. (and two cousins that are also believed to be/possibly autistic; one is 13 and has some qualities but at his private school he is just considered "eccentric", he acts a lot like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory. the other is 22 and he is about the mental age of 14, he was also a premie)

Thanks so much.

Is moving out of the house when you're of age a possibility?

If so, it may be best to wait until you've moved out to come out. That way, there's absolutely no way your mom will try to throw you out.

If not, well, I wish you luck. You know your mom best.

I never had to come out as autistic to my parents, since my mom was there when I was officially diagnosed. They found out when I was officially diagnosed, while I had reacknowledged it three years before that. Other people might be able to give you better advice.

You don't need a parent's permission to bring anything up to your doctor. It is your doctor appointment, not your mother's doctor appointment.

Sure, be honest and open with your mother. Expect your mother to be as she is. If she consistently seeks the truth by asking around and settles at the median opinion; she will most likely do so this in this case also.

This is about insight into your own condition; not a debate topic.

I think that I accidentally made my mom sound mean..?

She wouldn't throw me out.


I know, but I don't know if we have enough money to keep going to the doctor right now...

Yes, it could be costly; but since you already will be seeing the doc; you can still bring it up and get a recommendation. Some things are necessarily done in the long run. Bring it up now, consider it a long range goal. Some things take a long time to settle in, so why not plant the thought now?

I had, and still have this problem with my mother whenever I bring up this topic, though she's a little more on the side of insisting that I don't have it, I don't need to seek a diagnosis, and that I am somehow "hypnotizing" myself into Asperger's. Ditto with my gender dysphoria, asexuality, and possible bipolar disorder/ADHD. I suggest writing her letters and stuff. I never get the story straight when I try to explain orally... Always get sidetracked into a pointless argument. I guess ASD people just don't handle these things too well.

Best of luck...

Don't bet on it. You know about the Newtown, CT shootings, and how a bunch of people thought Adam Lanza had autism, which, of course had everything to do with what he did? There is a lot of prejudice aganist autistic people.

The OP's supposed to be worried that her mother with a special education background is going to suddenly be afraid of her daughter?

- Thank you! That is what I was saying!

Update:
- the appointment was moved up, I was told the next day while we were on the way to the appointment... So, I didn't really have any time to prepare and kid of blurted it out while we were in the car.
- She said that she didn't ever think of me for having Aspergers, freaked out a little from me pointing it out, pointed out children that had very severe Autism (children/people we know that will always have to live with their parents or in an adult assisted living housing...) and tried to tell me that's what it is... etc.
- Then she suddenly went quite, and all of sudden was very concerned and questioning, she was acting nice.
- I left it alone for about a week. Trying to think of a way to bring it up.

Tonight:
- I brought it up again.
- Before I got a word in she quickly told me "no, you don't have it" and laughed at me.
- I mentioned how she acted and thought before I was conformed to have ADD, and how we then took all the tests and then talked to the doctor.
- She got quiet, I went through a lot of the symptoms, she agreed they sound like me.
- Still skeptical I had her take the Aspie-Quix nd the BaronCohen Quizes, we then compared results. (her results being NT, mine showing Aspergers.)

Now:
- She is 70-80% there, willing to have me tested/diagnosed by a professional.

It is nearly impossible for me to get my (NT, extremely extroverted, outgoing) family to underdstand that I can't just "try harder" or "get over myself" or "look happier and talk more"... They all know something is wrong (different) with me, but now that they are presented with it they are not willing to accept that there IS actually something wrong/different...

Give it some time. It sounds like they'll come around eventually.