Are you supportive enough?

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I'm not a supportive person when it comes to being emotional. Like if my sister is upset crying, it makes me uncomfortable and when I try to talk to her, I'm very logical about the situation and she think's I'm either cold or insensitive. Even though I think I'm helping her, I guess I'm not being empathetic enough.

Even when friends come to me for support I tell them what I think and they don't seem satisfied with what I tell them:/

I'm a rather supportive person and try to help people the best I can if asked to. If someone seems upset I shift to a more emotion-based approach and will focus on trying to make the person feel better and other practical solutions without judging the person. If they're not upset I can afford to use a more logic-based approach and say what I really think.

I think I'm quite supportive. Whenever I try to give words of support I think of the most positive thing I can which is realistic but most commonly say 'that sucks' and let the person just talk to me about the problem. I think my friends have realised that I'm not the best at giving advice, but I'm good at just sitting there and listening to them and being a comforting 'presence'.

I'm not good with emotional support. I can listen but even people don't like that so they may think I don't care. I was once told by an old aspie friend online about how real friends support each other with emotions and that was a slap in the face because I have that difficulty and it seemed unfair and too much to ask. I guess aspies are not real friends then. I can help them if they ask for it like asking me to do something or if I help someone, that is also giving support. I can give out advice. I can give out reassurance if it's the truth. My husband doesn't think I am empathetic enough but oh well. I even told him years ago if he ever gets a ticket from the public transportation company, I will pay it. That was me being supportive because he was upset about getting a warning because he didn't know he was in zone 3 and we were misinformed what zone it was in. So he felt the warning was unfair because he feared what if he made another mistake, then he gets a $500 dollar fine so I told him if that happens, I will pay it. I didn't want him to worry about it and be so upset about it and I wanted him to move on. I don't know if anyone would call that cold or think I don't care.

Plus saying things like "I'm sorry" "That sucks" all feels fake to me if I don't mean it.

Supportive enough for whom?

I rarely have friends and my family doesn't do emotional anything, so on the rare occasion I have an upset friend who needs talked to (In the past 5 years this has happened 2 or 3 times, the same person within a few months, and the pressure was taken away since it was through text) in this occasion I think about my 8 or so years of various forms of therapy and am usually able to come up with something good. I use a lot of metaphor because one of my therapists always did with me, even though that meant she'd have to explain them, or I just flat out say what I think.

When I was younger I never thought I could give anyone advice, because I have such a hard time understanding another's perspective, but I'm 29 now, have been through a lot, and have my own hard won wisdom from that. And a lot of therapists to parrot.

If you mean emotionally supportive probably not.

My two children are my world and I am as supportive as possible to them, both with practical support and hugs and sympathy as needed.

For anyone else, they will just get a patient ear and as much practical support as possible, by way of offering advice or solutions.

Last edited by whirlingmind on 27 Feb 2013, 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's how I feel...I'll say "oh that sucks! or " I'm sorry to hear that" what's going on inside my head is "you're stupid" or "what is wrong with you??"

I try to avoid this as much as possible :S

I'm probably not like most people on the spectrum in that I'm very attentive and considerate of people when they are going through tough emotions. I really enjoy helping people work through their problems: as a mentor for others on the spectrum, I'm used to doing this quite a lot. I haven't always been good at it though: up until a few years ago, I found it very hard to identify the needs of others. The reason I decided to develop this skill was because I am a very emotional person myself: in that I can relate when others are struggling and in my head, I remind myself of times when I struggled. For all the years I've been self-focused, I feel now that I should be paying people back my my gifts of kindness, acknowledgement and acceptance.

Many of my friends have also come to me for advice and support: I can think of one friend who I've helped quite a lot, simply because he has done the same thing for me when I've gone through hard times: he thanks me all the time for listening to him and giving him thoughtful advice.

I think that may people on the spectrum aren't really skilled at identifying emotions or identifying the struggles of others, which is why they have trouble finding the right things to say and ways to act in these situations. These people mean well, and I know this because I know a lot of really caring people on the spectrum personally. However, people with ASD mainly lack the emotional nuances to convey understanding and sympathy in ways that people expect, such as a using a warm tone of voice.

Yeah, it feels kinda fake to me too. If I do say that though what actually goes through my head is "whatever, I don't care" or something like that. It's not my fault. I was somehow born with a very severe difficulty being able to empathize or care about people or the world. This is why I'm also unaffected when people die. (yes this is associated with psychopathy, but I assure you I'm NOT a psychopath!) (it can also be associated with schizoid personality disorder). I think I have some schizoid traits.