Knowing when to stop talking, managing that feeling

Post Reply New Topic

I have a tendency to want to finish verbally expressing a long thought when it's about one of my passionate interests, even when I become aware that the person with whom I am talking is less interested.

I usually find ways to drop it and shut up, often asking a question to let the other person redirect the conversation to something more interesting to them, but it every now and then I realize that I have gotten lost in my passion and missed the cues that I should gear down and ease off.

The draw to share my delight in the subject is very strong and it seems tragic that everyone can't find the same intense intellectual pleasure in it.

How do you know when stop? What do you do to manage that compelling feeling that you want to share that passionate interest? What do you do with the bottled-up feeling that comes after you thoughtfully restrain your desire to share your passion?

Oh man, I am soooo bad at this! I usually miss all the signs and keep going until the person is staring at me with a look so obvious that I finally stop, usually with a nervous giggle. I like your idea of asking a question to redirect things back to them, I will try to use that.

Sometimes it's very hard to tell when to stop because many people don't give a clear indication. I have made the mistake of continuing when I should stop many times. So my suggestion is to stop if you get the slightest feeling that you are boring the listener, which means you can hardly talk about what you are passionate about with most people. That's what I do most of the time. So I naturally get pretty frustrated. You need to find people who share the passion. That's the only way to release the bottled-up feeling.

I definitely have this problem. On occasion I have actually looked up to find that the person I was talking to had gone away. Some people will look at me like I am a freak. Others will criticise my interest in the topic I am discussing, which kills the conversation, and tends to poison the relationship, too.

Fortunately, I am a hermit now, so I don't have to deal with this as much any more.

I guess so, though I am not sure how to go about doing it. Maybe there are astronomy/physics/meteorology/geology/ groups on meetup.com. I am quite averse to trying groups out, unless I already have some contact and guide. Still: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Thanks for the comment.

This ability to be focused on subjects and to discuss things in depth can definitely can be used in a lot of work situations, so it has its application.... I learnt to use it in the work I used to do with people.

Like you, in daily situations, I end up having people trying to stop me from going on and on...
its tricky - but I think reminding yourself before you start to talk that it is an exchange, and if they are NT, they are not going to have the willingness to listen to a monologue....even one that could be interesting...

the cues ... hard to spot when you arent doing much eye contact!

I still miss them now when I feel like a rant !

shubunkin

diagnosed January 2013, still haven't figured out how to change my avatar profile....

I am horrrriblllle with this. I just try not to talk to anyone other than family or pets or purposeful exchanges at work. I've bored so many people with my monologues that even if we share the interest, they start to avoid me because I'm so awful with conversations. I think the key is to focus completely on the other person and what they want to talk about. And hopefully they want to talk about the same thing, but then once I get interested in the conversation then watch out for my monologue...its a vicious cycle so again I try to not talk all that much.