Smirking

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Do many people on here smirk, smile or laugh to themselves as a non-verbal way of putting other people down?

I find this is common behaviour among a lot of people (I'm loathe to use the term NTs but it seems to fit a lot of the time)

I would like to know why people do this as this type of behaviour seems to be alien to my brain but seems to come naturally to the majority

It's as if every interaction has to be a 'win' for them to the extent that they have to be seen to be visually deriding the other person to 'prove' it to themselves

I find it an incredibly unpleasant way to be and the fact many people do it shows it's very common behaviour

What goes through the heads of people who do this smirking to themself thing? "Oh God what a ret*d! I'm so superior to them!" ??

Perhaps any NTs or anyone really on the board could enlighten me as I get sick of this attitude off a fair number of people.

We don't interact in a verbal way, it's just an in passing visual thing.

It's like they need to be seen as superior - nothing can be neutral to them.

I hate smirkers! I don't really know what a smirk means. Is it that the smirker wants to laugh but is holding it in or is it just like a fake laugh to say "you are a joke to me"
I've no idea but I've never smirked before all I know is I would happily poke a smirker in the eye in order to wipe it off their stupid face

They tend to do a lot of annoying gestures, don't they Nessa. Usually it's the self-centered type of people that do it.

In my opinion it is a 'you area joke to me' type thing yet I notice they can never look you in the eye so they are cowards as well as disrespectful

I instantly dismiss people who smirk as no good

It's like they are loudly signalling how unpleasant and nasty they are

I know it's important to have good self-confidence but it should not be at the expense of other people - this isn't proper confidence, it's cheap confidence without any hard work or effort hence it won't be effective

I find that I don't feel the need to give the people around me that I don't know any 'message' at all but it's as if many people do and I find it incredibly annoying behaviour.

I also get the impression that what I see as neutral observing, they take as some kind of statement on them that needs to be responded to. I find people on the spectrum are less likely to do this instant judgemental response thing as reinforcing their social status is not usually a priority or they are unaware of the social dynamics or just uninterested in it all.

I'm well aware of the social dynamics and I'm not happy about them at all, hence my desire to challenge these types of people.

They sometimes look down while doing the smirk, which I interpret as a half surrender ie they can't meet my stare but are having their private joke as if to say you're not superior to me. Don't look down then!

All this shifty, unpleasant behaviour on the part of a lot of people/NTs drives me up the wall and I get some compulsive urge to punish them for it! I know it's not healthy and I feel a lot better if I just ignore them.

It's like society is saying, 'This is your lowly status - accept it! and I'm saying f-k that! Come and say it to my face!' but they always back down like the cowards they are!

They seem to be in the majority though

Even ones who don't do an outright smirk still do a self-satisfied patronising thing as if you're some tedious simpleton
they are kindly giving the time of day!

I hate it!

They seem to think I'm not aware of it all. I'm excruciatingly aware of it all and thinking 'Who do you think you are!?' while I fake politeness back.

I see them do it to others, who often seem oblivious to it or unbothered

I seem to be 10000 times more sensitive to all this stuff than the average person

I prefer to 'smirk' at jokes rather than actually laugh when I can, since it's often kind of rude to burst out laughing, especially if you're remembering a joke from earlier that wouldn't make any sense out of context. Not really as a means of putting people down, but when I've had idiots spoiling for a fight I tend to be amused, which tends to result in smirking, and then walk away. I don't really see how finding pathetic behaviour to be amusing is really that bad, but I guess it is condescending. I just don't find people half of my height, jumping around on the spot and making stupid noises to be very threatening.

Can you give more context though re these occasions when people have been 'jumping around on the spot' and spoiling for a fight? What has caused them to act like this? Have there been verbal interactions between you and them beforehand to cause it?

Not as far as I remember. Some people just take one look at you and decide they hate you.

It's their way of laughing at someone. It's more appropriate in some situations than others.

It seems like these people are really getting on your nerves, can I ask what situation this is in, do you have regular interaction with these people?

Yes I get this and they seem disconcerted that I have an attitude back at them for being like this, as if they just expected me to take
whatever nasty attitude they decided to throw my way

People like that will never know the depth of contempt and hatred I have for them - it far outweighs their own.
If one of them meets with a horrific accident it can do nothing but please me!

Not very Christian I know but it's the truth

Death's too good for these nasty types!

I often only have to be in the car, as a passenger. The more patronising stuff can often be shop assistants. Most people really.
Most seem to see themselves as superior due to how I look/my manner/voice/weight - you name it!

My role in life if I go outside often seems to be being a source of amusement or topic of interest for people to point out or just stare at as if my existence is some kind of imposition on normality!

I can't over-emphasise how f-ked up in the head all this has made me - I'm probably a time bomb waiting to go off but I'm damned if I'll give society that satisfaction!

I can look at a person or group as we drive past and there will be the smirk or laughter sometimes amongst the group

not all people but a certain demographic - the disrespectful types, who can be any age but often younger

It makes me tense up if we have to drive past people walking past and I often go on the defensive

other times I can be calmer and ignore them

I think ideally I should be able to exchange glances with a person without all this disrespectful stuff and it bothers me that people feel the need to be like this so often

They seem to think they are putting me in my lowly place but they aren't; they are just enraging me and making me wish I had the power to evaporate them on the spot!

If I did have it I would do just that too!

If I came across one of these types soon after and I was in a position where they wanted something from me do you think they'd get it? Of course not - I'd go out of my way to do nothing to help them and take pleasure their downfall ie they've made an enemy.

So how can that type of behaviour be useful to anyone??

Because they seem to be classifying me as some kind of joke who is far beneath them, they seem to also assume I am powerless. This is a major categorisation error for anyone to make and I often think that when these so-called random, 'unprovoked' stabbings occur in public, that it's sometimes/many times? not as random as it seems and it may well have been one of these superior smirks that set the person off ie they'd just about reached their limit and were less intelligent and in control than someone like me.

So I say carry on smirkers and hopefully one day a mentally unstable person (who you've helped to make mentally unstable) will give you what you deserve!

I can see that most people don't relate to my experiences so imo I am being treated differently to the norm, hence no one should be blaming me for having developed a major persecution complex and anger management issues over it.

Because of an autistic thinking pattern (is my guess).

Life is about survival/existence. All social mechanisms are a result of that.

Life is trying to survive in all sorts of ways. One of the attempts to survive is the natural selection process going on among the human species. There is greater possibility of survival if the strongest/most fit survive. So you may very well be right in that many people "smirk, smile or laugh to themselves as a non-verbal way of putting other people down". They realize (unconsciously opposite me) that they are part of a competition (the natural selection). They do it because they want to survive. That's why you experience they want to see themselves "win".

If you think in autistic terms you don't see yourself as part of that competition. But you are. You cannot escape it, simply because you are alive. You are a potential thread towards the survival of others, whether you like it or not.





In fact I don't think much is "going on" in their heads. If they are not autistic, it comes to them naturally to think in terms of survival. They have thought that way all their lives. They probably won't understand why you could possibly have so much against it. They have never seen the world through autistic eyes. It's a fundamentally different view. Autistic minds think life is/should be about something other than survival. Non-autistic minds think life is/should be about survival only. What viewpoint do you agree more with?

It is common behaviour. It's part of survival. If you don't fight for your life, you won't survive. That includes participating in the natural competition between humans.

Sometimes it's more beneficial for survival to compete (dating scene, jobs, etc.). Sometimes it's more beneficial for survival to cooperate (family, friends, girl-/boyfriends). Everything is dictated by the desire to survive.







The fact that it bothers you is actually also "merely" a part of the selection process. Being an autistic myself I completely relate to you. It can be and is really hideous sometimes. But letting it bother you is indirectly nature's way of saying you aren't tough enough to deal with survival.

In my experience, if one wants to accept it one has to embrace the survival/existence of the human species with all what that implies. It's very difficult, however, having an autistic mind.

But ask yourself: what's the most important ever in this world? You have to answer "my life". What could possibly be more important than your life? If you did not have that, you would not have anything else. Your life is so important that you could never let some natural selection bother you! It's in that sense that one should care much less about what people do. The only thing that matters is what the people who have some relevance to your life do. Everything else means nothing! Life is basically very superficial because it is based on survival. One has to accept that. It can be very difficult having an autistic mind that wants everything to have a deeper meaning.

Last edited by qawer on 15 Mar 2013, 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure what to say here, you've probably heard this a thousand times but it doesn't matter what others think, those people who judge are basically like sheep; they follow stereotypes and social rules and don't have a mind of their own.

Exactly. Only care about things that really concern your own life. I know it may feel like this actually concerns your life, but it really doesn't. Your life is too important to let them ruin or even have a negative impact on it.