Acceptance

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I realize it is possible for someone with Aspergers syndrome to accept that they are different from NTs but is it possible for someone with Aspergers to accept that Nts are different from them? I am in a community where Nt's are the minority and I hear those with Aspergers say they just want accepted as they are without judgement but at the same time there seems to be an incredible lack of acceptance without judgement for the different-ness of Nts by those with Aspergers.

So is it possible or is this an "empathy" issue which may be outside the ability of someone with Aspergers?

Yes, it's possible.

Being prejudiced has nothing to do with AS. We are just as likely to be prejudiced jerks as NTs are.

It's no different from blacks who are anti-white. It's a reaction to being the target of prejudice.

And you're right, it is hypocritical.

I'm OK, NTs are OK, we're different. Different doesn't have to mean better or worse.

For me....I spent my whole life accepting and struggling to be like NTs and all I got (with few exceptions) was judgement, rejection, and abuse. If we are the group being discriminated against...why would we work to accept the people who habitually misunderstand and mistreat us? Do women need to work to accept their abusers as is....?

I see the issue as two sides of the same coin. If you don't accept the differences from both sides, then there's a lack of completion there because you're not getting a full view of the issue.

I'm not saying accept prejudiced bigots. Being NT doesn't mean being a prejudiced bigot. I've known many NTs who are very accepting of AS people, including my own mother.

Thought experiment: imagine if you met someone who'd had an AS father who was an abusive a**hole, and then ended up with an AS boyfriend who was an abusive a**hole. How would you feel about them hating all AS people because the two they'd met were abusive a**holes?

The NTs make and enforce the rules for social interaction. NTs are the teachers in the schools, the popular girls, the jocks (and the popular people in most subcultures). Most of the people who own businesses and are in positions to hire people are also NTs. They have the power. By the very nature of this structure, we are required to accept them and to follow their rules. The constant issue is them accepting and understanding us and our struggles.

Yes, Neurotypicals are different from Autistics. They are very social beings, whereas we, generally are not. They tend to be sufficiently good in most areas, whereas we often excel in a limited number of areas. People of one neurotype have a very different perception of the world to the other.

None of these are inherently bad things, and I believe that it is our duty to accept the difference of Neurotyoicals. However, no one should dare to suggest that we should accept the superiority, bigotry, and discrimination we suffer at the hands of Neurotypical society as a whole.

We should be obligated to accept the positive differences of Neurotypicals, and they should be obligated to accept our positive differences, but the impact of their negative differences upon our lives should by no means be tolerated.

It's very possible.

It may just be that those Aspies that aren't accepting NT's differences aren't doing it intentionally or out of spite or rudeness, it may just be that they're being oblivious, or not realizing they're coming across that way, or not realizing the potential offensive nature of what they're saying or doing due to their own social deficiencies. If it's all pointed out to them clear as day they might be receptive to making an effort not to come across as dicks to people who are different from themselves. They might just literally need it to be spelled out for them, especially if they're actually obliviously unaware of their own behaviour and it's impacts.

It's possible
Since i was born i have never been NT (i am HFA) i grew up getting teased and bullied for being "different". I realized i was different, however i didn't know how i was different than others. I ended up embracing that i was different.
After a couple plus decades of life with family, friends, and a gf saying that it is noticeable to others that interact with me that i am not NY, i realized that i don't blend in if i have to directly deal or interact with others. Up until this point, i didn't notice that i didn't blend in. I still knew i was different, yet now i am able to know it is the HFA which is i am different and i accept that.

In school i had a friend who was later on diagnosed Aspergers (we are the generation that got screwed out of a dx due to lack of knowledge on Autism) and my AS friend always wanted to fit in. He tried hard to fit into certain categories of social cliques at school only to get made fun of yet he still attempted to befriend them. Our group didn't bully him obviously, yet he had a desire to be part of other "social cliques".

The empathy issue is so confusing for me as my gf is NT and lacks empathy. She has one of the hardest faces to read. It's an odd couple situation as i am used to people who can make more emotional signs on their face. She doesn't really have any though.... and is NT i don't think shes AS.

I think it's all down to personal experience

It's easy to be open-minded about NTs if they aren't nasty to you on an ongoing basis

Where you've had mainly bad experiences with them though a defensive strategy has to be devised to
protect yourself

Also I'd say a person's mental health gets badly affected by prejudicial treatment and they probably go a bit
'funny' in the head - I've no doubt at all this is what's happened to me

It's like punching a person in the face every day but not expecting them to have any bruises or become wary of people
- that is unrealistic in my opinion

A person's capacity to tolerate prejudice can only stretch so far and some people break from it

I think NTs get a pretty easy ride on this site to be quite honest and that to try and dictate how another person ought to feel towards others is a bit off, like telling a tortured person to love their torturer

If I walk round the town I will get people openly ridiculing me to each other - imagine if that was your general experience when you went out and extrapolate how that would make you feel towards 'most people'/the world in general. It's made me highly defensive and never sure how people are going to react to me and it means I've developed a deep internal rage due to the complete unfairness of the situation and my not being able to do anything about it. I get the impression my experiences are not the norm for most people with Aspergers. I get the judgement and prejudice on sight as well as via interaction so it's a double whammy. It's a mistake to think everyone's experiences with NTs/the majority are similar - they are not and as a result people develop very differing personalities and coping strategies.

Obviously a person, any person who treats me with respect and as an equal I will feel the same back towards them but if I'm demeaned and humiliated I'm going to react.

I've formed the opinion though that when an NT/most people asks this type of question they don't really want to hear about this kind of stuff - it's an embarrassment to them and they prefer to look the other way as my experiences are signs of 'social failure' even though they are not my fault, so in that way they don't really want a truthful answer to their question, they want one which makes them feel good.

As regards having empathy problems, if you mean from the point of view that I have trouble factoring in that people will behave badly towards people who are different then I do, as I can't see why I should have to put up with it. There's the logical a + b = c thing going on ie if an ignorant person sees a different person, they will behave ignorantly but emotionally I refuse to accept it so if that is empathy then yes I am lacking it as each instance is like the first - I never get used to it; it's an outrage to me! I think most people would find it hard to accept being bullied though, no matter how much it's 'likely to happen'.

Last edited by nessa238 on 23 Mar 2013, 5:16 am, edited 2 times in total.

Where do you live? I've never heard of any community where NTs are the minority.

Doesn't she mean here on Wrong Planet?

I just woke up so my mind isn't working the best right now.

Well I assumed that's what she meant anyway

by "community" I mean my niche of the world in general.

Which community in which NTs are minority? Which niche?