I think I might have Aspergers's

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Hi, I'm new here. I am a 35 year old mom and my son was diagnosed with autism last year when he was 2. I suspect that both his father and I might also be on the spectrum and I'm a bit confused how to go about finding out, at least as much as it's possible to really know anyway, it all seems so subjective.

As a child I spoke early, but not as early as my son who had 50 words at 12 months and who tested 4.5 for expressive language at 2. My husbands mom remembers nothing about the timing of his development, so I don't know when he started talking. Anyway, I was diagnosed with selective mutism at 6 and add at 8. Later I was diagnosed with depression, oppositional defiant disorder, and finally passive aggressive personality disorder. I never understood the last 2 as I was honestly never trying to do the things wrong that I was accused of doing in some odd pre meditated nefarious way. Honestly I've only ever wanted to do well and for people to like me and never was trying to for instance trip and fall on someones special project or bump someone with my elbow when putting on my coat. I don't know, but I do know I cried a lot because I was always being accused of stuff I didn't think I did.

Anyway, just wanted to get the diagnosis stuff out there, not that I really agree with any of it. Currently I am more social than ever, taking my son out for therapies and activities and I even talked to 3 moms enough to make my son friends for play dates and am very proud of myself for that. I have no friends of my own, but I did usually have 1 or 2 in school. I don't like social situations, meeting new people, crowds. If I have to go somewhere like my sons activities I am fine if it's as usual and scheduled, if it's something new and at a new place I get very nervous and when I'm nervous I tend to pace and have a hard time focusing and can get very agitated. Before my son came I didn't really go anywhere unless I had to, work and the grocery store basically. I even have a hard time stopping at a gas station and drive on empty for a while before I will stop.

I love to stay at home and read and play video games and do activities like puzzles. I have a huge video game collection, over 1000 mostly mint condition rpg and strategy games and love to just look at them and organize them. I also love to talk about them, but rarely get the chance because no one cares. I used to collect fantasy and science fiction novels and I still have them, but I now keep them in boxes in the attic. As a child I loved animals and especially cats and had hundreds of stuffed animals and every book I could find on cats, including the merck veterinary manual, probably not preferred reading for the average elementary student.

I don't really have any stims, I have nervous habits though. I pace when I have to wait, am nervous, or am talking on the phone. I have always been a nail biter and I bite (and sometimes pull out) my hair. My mom does not recall me doing anything unusual like lining up or stacking, both of which my son does. She does recall me being awkward and a kid who would really overfocus on one thing, like cats. She was always embarrassed by something I was or was not doing.

Socially I think I am doing well enough, I'd like to have a friend, especially one with similar interests, but have been fine without one. I do feel that I have trouble with certain parts of conversation, showing sympathy, not dominating the conversation, asking questions, remembering my manners. Overall I think, but do not know, that most people think I'm just shy or maybe rude, but I feel like I fit in and and function well enough to get by.

I took the tests posted in the other thread and got these results: empathy quotient 17, systemizing quotient 30, aq 36, 114 aspie, 87 nt, 15 on the highly sensitive quiz, 104 aloof, 88 rigid, 89 pragmatic. Hope that made sense. My hubby is a programmer and much more literal and inflexible than I am, but seems much more social and says he enjoys spending time with people. That said, he rarely takes his eyes off a screen when at home and spends little time with his friends, whom he actually barely knows, imo. He also has an autistic nephew and his brother is diagnosed add and tourettes and my hubby also has tics. He denies having any trouble in life now or in the past.

So, I am basically wondering if it seems likely I might be on the spectrum and/or what might be the best course of action if I am. Also wondering about the husband. Thanks to any who managed to read all of this!

Welcome aboard!

Interesting hypothesis.

How do you intend to obtain objective verification?

We're just a bunch of ordinary people here, not a group of appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome.

You scored higher than I did on the AQ and RDOS, and I consider myself a "self-diagnosed" Aspie. That's where I stopped, and where you could stop too, unless you think you need further verification from a professional.

IMO, getting a professional diagnosis is useful if you need services or, in your case, if a solid family history is needed for your son's benefit.

Some of what you described sounds like me and others on this forum. In my experience, if you think you have it, you probably (but not always) do. In any case, drop by the forums, look around, and make yourself at home.

You might want to look here also: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum19.html

Hi, thank you for your responses. I know no one here can offer a diagnosis, I am just looking for opinions. Sometimes I feel unqualified to be in charge of my sons therapy and life in general because I feel like the areas he most needs to work in are also my areas of weakness. I don't like the whole diagnosis thing, 20 years ago I doubt if my son would be diagnosed with autism and now I'm being told we shouldn't have more children due to family history. I sometimes wonder if that's due to them looking at us and also seeing asd? His therapists also insult me and insinuate that I don't raise him appropriately. I'm tired of hearing that he wont make progress if I don't push him. I do push him, just not all the time. I also respect him and if he's screaming stop it hurts on the swing, I'm going to stop. I might end up home schooling him, but worry I won't be able to teach him social skills and pretend play skills he needs. He does not qualify for an asd classroom as he is too high functioning and he is not able to succeed yet in a regular classroom. Can 2 aspies raise an aspie well? We sure can't get along with each other well, lol.

What it comes down to is I just want to know myself and understand myself better and be a good mom. Not sure an official diagnosis would help with that and I feel uncomfortable with the idea of self diagnosis. My health plan doesnt cover any mental health services, so testing would be expensive. Plus I don't know where I would find an expert in adult asd diagnosis. If we do all 3 have asd, I would think someone would be interested in studying our genetics. I have my son enrolled in a study right now. I am a person who always desperately wanted to fit in, I've made a happy enough life for myself, but I would make myself "normal" or at least mostly so, so I'm interested in the science behind autism. I also ironically have a psych degree and worked with autistic kids for years before my son was born. I always wondered why I could work with the kids no one else could get anywhere with, I wonder if they sensed a sameness in me or if I was just able to figure them out more easily... probably both. I only worked with very low functioning kids and I know they need all the help science will hopefully be able to provide. Sorry if I have offended any advocates of neurodiversity... I obviously believe in tolerance and in everyone finding their own happiness and if you are a happy person with asd who likes having asd, I think that is great.

I am nearly 34, and I would never have been diagnosed at your son's age, either. If it wasn't "classic autism" (low-functioning), then that possibility would never even have been entertained.

In grade school, teachers, etc., just thought I was "difficult" and "too attached" to my mother--they blamed her for all of my problems too, and nothing could have been further from the truth--she was my only advocate back then for anything. Years later, she told me that, during that time, she guessed I might have "mild autism" but never said so--who would have believed her? She was constantly locking horns with the school. Adminstrators insisted I go to therapists also, and none of them did any good whatsoever.

If his therapists are talking that way to you, it's time to find some new ones. Those remarks are not helpful, and also untrue.



You are a very good mother. Other parents (I've heard) have pushed too far/hard, and ended up doing more harm than good in the long run. Your worry is pretty much why my mom kept me in public school also (besides the fact that there were fewer homeschooling options back then): she knew I had to learn to survive in the "real world" with her still supporting me and backing me up through the difficulties. It paid off: I have a pretty "thick skin" when it comes to slights and insults, can usually pass for "mostly normal" (or just "eccentric", which many people I know seem to appreciate) and can spot a jerk a mile away. My usual response to said jerks is "avoid" or "cut down verbally."



Fair enough. I hope you will stick around this site for a bit, reading what others have to say and asking anything you like. We may not be "experts" on others, necessarily, but we are certainly "experts" on ourselves.



Yes, probably a bit of both. I'm sure you helped them immensely. One of my degrees is in Psychobiology, and I was always interested in the "science behind autism" also, well before I knew I had Asperger's. I remember, during my studies, wondering what it's like to be autistic, not realizing that I had known my entire life.



Thank you. There are good and not-so-good things about it, in my experience, and recognizing both and how to embrace/deal with them is, to me, very helpful.

Again, welcome, and I hope you will find yourself at home here and gain some useful information.

Drat!

I have a plugged ear. It comes and goes. A couple of days ago it was so plugged up and even hurt some, I wondered if I have an ear infection. Now it seems to have cleared up a lot more, for now.

I can continue to speculate what's wrong with my ear. I can look up ear problems on the internet and try self diagnosing it. I can ask others, "what do you think is wrong with my ear, do you think maybe I have an infection?"

But I think the only way I'm really going to know for sure, is if I go see my doctor and say "will you have a look at my ear and tell me if you see anything wrong with it?"

Wait for DSM V the diagnostics change and new criteria are different for diagnosed Autist.

Now this is a big load of bologna. Along with not believing Autism is that bad, I think that short of physical medical reasons, whether or not you have any more kids should be entirely up to you. No one should try to force that sort of thing on you.

Personally, I recommend going with homeschooling. You can find all sorts of materials for him to learn with, and he might even enjoy teaching himself. (Also, I understand that children learn better from their parents than from teachers.) In terms of socializing, I understand that children actually do better if they spend more time with their parents in their earlier years. Still, you could look into finding some sort of group that he could meet with weekly, like Boy Scouts or whatever would be most appropriate for him, at least until he's older.

In terms of getting diagnosed, maybe see if there are any studies in your area that include adults. I understand that sometimes you can get a diagnosis for free that way.

You don't have to disclose your diagnosis if you don't want to, but I think it could be handy to have one in some situations, just in case.