One reason why I want people to know I have autism

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Not ever having been married or even having a girlfriend always felt like a stigma to me. I know it's a big deal to people especially regarding celebrities. I know it seemed to be a big deal regarding former NY mayor Ed Koch. There was supposed to be a campaign slogan when he was running against Mario Cuomo that went, "Vote For Cuomo, Not The Homo".

I also remember this being a big deal with the comedian Benny Hill who, "heatedly denied being a homosexual". Hill I think was an aspie who lived alone and had few friends having said to, "prefer his own company".

I know this has been talked about behind my back throughout my adult years, "well, you never see him with anyone". And people were always bugging me about still being single, especially in my 30's. So, in a weird way I came "out of the closet" to explain that the reason why I've never been seen with a significant other is because I'm autistic. I figure they might as well know the truth instead of making stuff up and gossiping about it. I feel like it kind of tosses a bucket of water on their whispered gossipy titillation. NT's are so weird to me when it comes to this sort of thing.
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My family was worried to the point that they asked me if I was gay, classmates teased, and coworkers were curious. I only ever dated two girls seriously before I got married and they thought I might be gay because I didn't initiate contact, but I simply just appreciated their company and didn't really know what to do in order to proceed whenever I wanted to show more affection. I tried kissing when the moment "seemed" right, but apparently the moment was not right... Both relationships lasted about 6 months and didn't amount to much, but were painfully heartbreaking and took about a year to fully recover from each. My wife just basically fell into my life and communication wasn't a problem with us. At least people don't judge me about it anymore, the teasing and assaults in high school were the roughest parts.

If I were to pick a reason why I wanted people to know I had ASD, it would probably be for my family to understand why I shy away at gatherings and don't interact much, but that I still love and appreciate them. I think they tend to overcompensate at times, and also don't invite me to some gatherings because of it (some I would actually like to attend, but do not want to impose because I wasn't invited).

Then I guess you're just like me. It's annoying to answer that "why aren't you married?" question all the time. I have a Superman ring on my right hand. Would you believe I used to wear it upside down on my left 4th finger so it looked like a wedding band? Anything to get some peace! Being autistic should be my "get out of explaining free" card but it hasn't worked out because people don't believe I'm autistic.

I know what you mean. I'm really surprised that still so many people here (Australia) seem to believe that everyone wants to get married. I've been asked that question many times. When I'm going back to my country for holiday, some people here (Australia) ask me if I'm getting married there. Since my childhood I knew I wouldn't be capable of enduring the difficulties of a marriage. Besides, I'm not interested at all. Some people don't get it, and keep asking questions like if I'm interested in getting a mail-order bride from some poor country. Well, if I get paid $1 million or something for it and don't have to live with the bride, then yeah I might consider that.

However, I also wouldn't want to give such a personal piece of information as my brain condition to just anyone. If I did, I'm sure those gossips would go gossiping about my damaged crazy brain instead of my being single. So I guess I'll have to keep deflecting the question by saying things that are not quite relevant.

Same here in the UK. It was only recently that I realised you don't have to get married, buy a house, have kids, etc, to be happy. It was just some "rule" imposed by society, and people think there's something wrong if you don't go along with it. Of course, they like to come up with their own theories. The truth isn't nearly as exciting for them.

People irritate me, can you tell?

straight men who feel the need to "heatedly deny" being gay kind of annoy me. I can understand not wanting women you might be interested in to think that, but it doesn't seem like that's what motivates the "heated" bit. no matter how many times people ask me if I'm something nice, I don't get angry about it. sorry if being mistaken for one of us is so distressing for you

When I initially found out I wanted to tell the whole world. I told a few people at work and it back-fired. So now anything I do is attributed to having Aspergers. I still find it annoying why I still have to explain why I live by myself.

I don't really care anymore if people wonder why I've never had a girlfriend.
I don't give a crap if people think I'm strait, gay or whatever.

'm 28 and have had 2 relationships with girls that were more than Just "friendship". This was back in highschool. I felt quite uncomfortable during these relationships because they wanted to make out all the time. Something I'm just not interested in (with any gender). They eventually left after a couple weeks saying I didn't seem to show any interest in them (sex)

I've recently started describing myself as asexual.

I actually would not mind having a girlfriend as long as cuddling is enough for her. I LOVE cuddling, but anything beyond that just doesn't feel normal to me.

If I did find another asexual (preferably a little nerdy )girl who wanted to be in a relationship with me, that would be awesome! But finding someone who wants to be in a relationship without sex is much less likely to happen compared to finding someone who wants a "normal" relationship.

My ideal relationship with a girl would be more of a "best friends" type of relationship. Which I kinda have at the moment.

I've never had any genuine interest in any kind of romantic relationship. I think I'm about one tenth as interested in having sex as the average male. If even that much. Maybe I'm what they call asexual. Which suits me just fine.

In order for me to get into a romantic relationship, which I'm not entirely against, she would have to really pursue it big time. And so far no woman has ever come close to displaying that much interest in having me.

This is an interesting video. I wonder if this guy is an aspie. He makes a lot of videos like this that I'm sure a lot of aspies can relate to:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mplseWnUUKs[/youtube]

I know how you feel.. My mom would constantly make little remarks about the possibility of me being gay because I would speak my mind more, do things that most men wouldn't do, or actually give a s**t in a sense. Or I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about women around my mom, stuff like that. Then we got my diagnosis when I was 19 and found out I'm just a happy hermit :3

No one ever said it to my face, but I'm sure everyone close to me thought "what the %#^ is wrong with him? He has everything a girl could want but never has a girlfriend? He must be gay or a total weirdo!" I've noticed since I have a partner that I am treated with ten times more respect as if I suddenly became normal. I even have a suspicion that at least two people think I am a pedophile just because I'm tall, good looking and (until recently) was alone almost 24 hours a day. It's because of my ASD not because I want to be!

It doesn't bother me if people think I'm gay as I don't see anything wrong with being gay in the first place. What does bother me is people thinking they have the right to assess and categorise me - usually wrongly!

That's Benny Hill you're talking about there and he died 20 years ago. Things were much meaner then, and the law was permissive of discrimination - say, on job applications - I remember this stuff. I think his defensive attitude was justified back then, much less so now.

Although, now that I'm remembering him, his humour included some lisping and limp-wristing but it was all in good clean fun - except women today sometimes think he was sexist.

He committed suicide - whatever he was, I wish society would have accepted him as is. He was so funny that he kept me going when I was down - and then poof! he was gone.

I agree. Most people think I'm lesbian and I'm not but I just let it go. Especially my sisters-in-law, they seem to be obsessed with "Why did you never marry?" And I say, "I never wanted to." But that doesn't answer their real question.

Of course, we can't win. If we tell people we didn't marry because we have Asperger's or Autism, inevitably they will say to others, "You can't have autism, you're married."

I have nothing against homosexuality but when most of the neighborhood thinks you are gay it's hard to find a female to settle down with. I had those malicious rumors follow me for years and now I've noticed a tenfold increase in women checking me out, no doubt because they realize I'm straight as an arrow.

On a side note, I was slammed with malicious rumours BECAUSE I openly said I have no problems with homosexuality and would have no trouble being a friend with someone who is gay. Boy some people have an irrational fear and hatred of homosexuals!