Small Talk

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Does anyone else feel that making small talk merely amounts to the modern day equivalent of people sitting around repeatedly grunting at each other.

If often feels just as informative. It feels like the modern day equivalent of what cavemen would have done long before language was invented and they could actually hold real conversations with each other.

The amount of small talk I have exchanged, even online, and yet it rarely seems to turn into a deeper conversation of any kind. Dating sites are notorious for this...I actually dread logging on to them now.

How am I ever supposed to feel attracted to someone who does the equivalent of repeatedly grunting at me? Nice rack, ug ug, how's you ug ug, what you doin' ug ug....

1 I don't have a 'rack' I have breasts.

2 How am I? PMSing....was the answer they really wanted? No, then why ask me.

3 What am I doing? Answer the email they sent me, or at the very least reading it before hitting the delete button.

Then comes in the infamous line 'wanna meet up for sex'

Um....I don't know them, I know nothing about them and as I tend to be more aroused by stimulating conversation than someone grunting repeatedly at me the answer is a definite NO.

When are men going to learn to understand that for some women the size of their mind is more important than the size of their penis.

Christ.

It's not just dating sites, it is everywhere.

It isn't meant to be informative, it is meant to be a conversation starter.

A man who says something like 'nice rack' is being overly familiar. This is actually kind of rude behavior. Or, I guess the guy is viewing it as a sex site and not a dating site.

i just got into a relationship with someone who just found out he is an aspie. he says he likes me because i can understand a large amount of his thinking and i can blend in with "them"-the other humans.

i want to small talk with him, but mostly the convo ends up with us talking about larger (informational) subjects. this type of conversation is great also (and intellectuals are so sexy) but it's important to take some time to do "small talk" also, especially with someone who is interested in you. it helps people to get to know one another....

I wish that I could go back to a time when I didn't know what small talk was.

I wish I knew how to make small talk. I can very clever and witty at times but have nothing to say at other times.

In my case it kind of fails to help me bond with anyone. I get so fed up with repeatedly having what feels like the same conversation over and over again that I start to feel like Bill Murray in the film Groundhog day and tend to start avoiding people so I don't have to have yet another small talk conversation today.

I feel like the Nazis should have used it as a torture technique or something.

Yeap, it's right: small talk is boring.

But let's face something: it's very difficult for two people, in a specific moment, to share the same interest. Imagine a guy, in a dating site, who says, for example

"Hi, my name is [X], and I like insects.

[An here five paragraphs about insects].

Nice to meet you, [X]"

That would be weird, isn't it? So at the end of the day, you have to make consessions, look for a common ground that allows you make a connection that can lead to future more interesting conversations.

I would say that the problem is another one: if every small talk is boring, how to know when you are with somebody that's worthy? how to know where it deserves to invest in this person, or it doesn't? how do you know when it deserves to follow this small talk, even if it's boring, because it can lead to something much more interesting?

Well, I still didn't find the answer. So the only thing you can do is trust, and be wrong many times. Too many times. And keep being wrong, and keep trying. But that's life.

Yes, I've often said you can imagine most people as chimps making chimp noises at each other as that is effectively what they are doing - just making bonding noises.

When you say small talk I think more of the go nowhere fake conversations people have with coworkers because you're right it feels like meaningless grunting. I also think I know what you mean about the dating websites. I've basically given up on wasting my time with those. Several times I received the pattern of correspondence from different guys: (and for any guys reading this who have personalities..please don't be offended )
'Hi! I like your profile. You seem nice.'
And I would respond with thank you and something specific about his profile.
'Thanks! It seems we have a lot in common.'
And I would respond again with something specific about his profile which he would ignore and send the following:
'Got anymore pics?'
And I would respond I'm more interested in getting to know the right person than in going crazy with a million pics. He would not respond and then send me the following msgs at random times that would follow the above pattern and not turn into actual conversations.
'Hey whatcha up to?'
'Hows your day?'
'Hows your weekend?'

These should be starting points. But what's the point if you stay at the starting point and never reach an actual conversation...?

Yes small talk grunting is infuriating, In my opinion it goes hand in hand with the me, me, me attitude so many people seem to have. Look at me, i'm so important and entitled to everything just because I want it or because I can have it.

I treasure anyone who can:

Take a conversation to a deeper level
Not assume realistic, self negative but fair comments are self esteem issues