Aspies and being touched/feeling empathy.

Post Reply New Topic

I am undiagnosed but it seems most of the traits are things I deal with, however, I found the not liking to be touched or unable to feel sympathy thing different for me.

I know as far as being touched goes I've never had a problem with it and enjoy hugs and physical touch. When it comes to empathy it kinda depends. When it comes to say some horrible disaster that you see on TV I know that it's bad and in my mind feel bad for the victims, emotionally I don't feel anything. However, I'll be honest I can be quite emotional in dramas on TV and if a close relative or friend is hurting I do feel absolutely horrible. Are those things a hard and fast rule aspies don't like?

I like hugs, but I usually have a time limit on them. My eldest daughter really likes hugs.

There is a thing called emotional dysregulation which can be part of autism. It means you are very emotional about things. I have literally sobbed uncontrollably at films, I don't like bad news stories but they don't make me sob. Sad music played alongside troubling scenes can make me cry. My youngest daughter really cries at sad music, has done since she was really little and she will come and hug me if she sees me upset.

(We are all on the spectrum BTW)

Not everyone has all the characteristics of autism, and they present differently.

I originally did not think I had any sensory issues, but as my understanding of autism grew my understanding of my own autism grew too and I realised I did have sensory issues. I like hugs, where as an affectionate stroke to my arm when I'm busy is something I hate...but until I had learned that I was on the spectrum, and heard how others described their sensory issues, I had no way of knowing that this was different to just not liking something and actually a discomfort caused by increased touch sensitivity. It is completely possible that you have no sensory issues (or at least no touch sensitivities), but it is also possible that until now you've not had the right understanding or language in which to understand how certain touches make you feel.

As for empathy - it's a myth that those with autism lack empathy.
As we struggle with theory of mind (understanding how someone is thinking, feeling or intentions) it means we lack cognitive empathy...but what we lack in cognitive empathy we make-up for in emotional empathy, in fact our emotional empathy is higher than in our neurotypical peers. It means once we know how someone feels we are more emotionally affected, say for example in TV's or films you can perhaps put yourself in a characters place so more easily understand why they are upset and so you react accordingly.

Exactly this for me too. I realized I had a lot of different sensitivities but since I had no way of knowing what other people felt or how they felt things, including emotions, how could I know it was that different for me? It wasn't until hearing others talk about some very specific things that I really clued in.

Like the other two above said, not every autistic person will have every one of the traits, just a combination of enough of them. Many autistic people are ok with hugs - some even crave sensory input by way of liking hugs EXTRA. I enjoy hugs, tight ones preferably, and when I'm prepared, etc. Conversely, light touches unexpectedly, especially while concentrating on something, are quite horrid.

Sympathy and empathy are two different things. And yes, like the other two said, with autism it's more like we're "different" about emotions. I have always felt extra sensitive to things on TV, especially in teen years. I've sobbed at commercials. Empathy problems in autism are most noticeable in cases where the autistic person doesn't understand what the other person is feeling or thinking at the time - they may say something rude or insensitive without considering the other person's perspective, or may misinterpret a situation. Despite the fact that I view myself as a quite nice and emotional person, I sometimes view the world too much through my framework thinking, and get caught off guard by how others feel about things. A lot of times, once I realize I have said something wrong, or if I find out I made someone feel bad, I'll apologize profusely and probably think about it for days afterwards.

So, in short, no. "Not liking to be touched" and "unable to feel sympathy" are absolutely not hard and fast traits.

Deleted because posted in wrong thread

Last edited by Joe90 on 12 Mar 2013, 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do not like being touched. Rarely am I hugged and very rarely do I initiate it. It is especially the unexpected touches that bother me the most. I'm hoping that my dislike of being touched will disappear when get married. I think that I feel empathy regarding others emotions. I know that in the past I have tried to comfort people and only made it worse. I do believe I have mind blindness and have difficulty taking other people's points of view because I occasionally insult people with I joke that I though was funny so I thought they would think it was funny. Or there are the times that I lose at card games because my plan of winning involved my opponent playing to my benefit and until my plan falls apart, I do not realize that my opponent is actually playing to THEIR benefit and not mine.

This is so true, not necessarily just with sensory issues but with quite a lot of traits I had that until I joined WP and read a lot, I had no idea were actually part of the traits of autism, I though it was just me. This site has been so valuable to me in that way.

And there u have it.

To the OP: People with antisocial personality disorder lacks empathy - in fact it is a diagnostic criteria for ASPD. If you cannot identify with what Bloodheart wrote in the quote above, you are probably not on the Autistic spectrum.

I do not mind being touched by someone I know well and am happy to hug someone I really like if I haven't seen them for a long time but if a stranger tries to hug me or do the false kisses thing I can't cope. Why do people think it is correct to kiss a total stranger? Yuk.

However I do think I can do sympathy and empathy. I once got in a lot of trouble for making a very factual comment about someone losing the sight in an eye though. Don't ask. I was not minimising what had happened but should have kept my opinion to myself. This may be where the supposed lack of empathy comes from, I knew the facts and made a factual comment.

I don't like people touching me. It is too invasive and I prefer being left alone.

i do not like being touched, especially without warning or suddenly.

even if its planned, i don't like being hugged, or any forms of large touch.

although if its planned, with a good-looking person, with good hygiene, and pleasant smell, then i don't mind as much

When I was younger, I used to flip out when anyone touched me, and I had to go to therapy to fix the problem. I still don't like being touched in most situations, but sometimes I'll allow or even like it. Several of my friends make fun of me for being in awkward hugger because it seems weird to me. I do enjoy cuddling or tight hugs as long as the I feel some sort of attraction toward the other person.

As far as empathy goes, I do have the ability to view things from the perspective of another person. I don't let me emotions show as easily as most women do, but I definitely feel and understand the emotions that most people have.

That's a bit restrictive. There are people on the spectrum who ALSO qualify as having a personality disorder, including antisocial personality disorder. Someone can be a "sociopath" and an aspie at the same time. Autism is a lifetime developmental disorder, and therefore allows for a wide array of psychological conditions as well, which can develop at any age. Although, I agree that Bloodheart's comment would most likely apply to the majority of people with AS.

I am hypersensitive to touch and its embarrassing. In general, I don't like being touched and awkwardly deal with people touching me in conversations and stuff. But at the same time I crave it almost as much as any other human need.

I only hug someone if I feel that I can be comfortable around them.

Generally, most of my contact is handshakes, and that is to guys only. Im a bit hesitant when it comes to touching girls, cause their more sensitive.

I find it hard to reciprocate as well

I don´t mind a hug myself, as long as it is not skin to skin, - but it has taken me a long time to learn to wait for signals from others before hugging them, - and still within this year, I have taught myself not to barge into other peoples conversations.
At my age! How embarrassing!

Last edited by Jensen on 07 May 2013, 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.