how to regulate emotions

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I would like some advice.

I'm autistic and have PTSD. When I get upset with my family, I tend to scream at them, punch myself, and sometimes grab or shove them.

I was looking for an online test of my attachment style (when I substitute 'parents' for 'partner' in this test, I score as 'preoccupied'). Anyway, I stumbled across some advice on how to deal with conflicts in a relationship, and I'm feeling down because the advice wouldn't work for me at all.

Basically, their advice had two components. First, recognize subtle signs of anger before it gets too high; and second, exit the situation and calm down before reengaging.

I have problems with both those steps.

Firstly, although sometimes I can notice a gradual build-up in my stress, other times I go from calm (or even happy) to extremely upset instantly, without warning, because of a single upsetting comment or event.

Secondly, when I have noticed myself getting upset and tried to exit the situation, I find that while I'm away, I can't calm down. Either one of two things happens - I either start ruminating on whatever they did and getting more and more angry about it, or I start feeling self-destructive, to the point where I've sometimes found myself looking around the room and imagining how various objects in my environment could be used to seriously injure or even kill myself.

They say you aren't supposed to stew over the issue, you're supposed to distract yourself, but they don't have any advice about how to distract yourself. Is this something most people can do easily? It's pretty much impossible for me. Closest I can do is that sometimes I manage to turn off my feelings, but then I'm incapable of feeling happy for awhile, until I finally have another meltdown and get it out.

Do you have any advice for me? I've had psychotherapy and it hasn't really helped with this.

Is there anything you can throw your attention into that will completely absorb you? I watch tv, read books, or browse WP and that will help me reorientate sometimes. If it gets out of hand I keep St.John's Wort around. Not advocating that or anything for other people, but it works for me.

I find running great for regulating emotions- it calms me down and makes me feel good at the same time. When I lived at uni (very stressful since I was sharing a house with 11 people!), I used to go for 3-4 short runs a day (only about 20 mins each) which worked really well, and now I run an hour every morning.

I've tried both of those suggestions. I can't focus on my intense interests when I'm upset, and running gets me far away from help while still being just as upset.