Catching up on emotional age

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I once read autistics' emotional age is only 2/3 of their actual age. I'm 26 now, so emotionally I would only be something like 17,33 years old. I wouldn't deny that. A teenager in an adult's body, in an adult's life. No wonder adult life can feel like a big pressure. I'll have to turn 30 before I can just reach 20.

Is it possible to force an "emotional growth" so as to catch up on the emotional age one was "supposed" to have achieved?


Perhaps you know of some good coping techniques?

I suppose this is the central reason why autism is called a developmental delay?

I've never heard of this stat before, though I can see where it would come from, so I'll take your word for it.



I know it's possible to force it, but your emotions might recoil or regress as a result of it. Often times, the recoil isn't worth the push, imo.



No, but I'm open to hearing them!

In my opinion, the best way to force emotional growth is to hold in-depth, rational discussions about the inner experiences of yourself and others.

These forums are very good for achieving this. In fact that is the primary reason why I come here.

I'm not even sure what exactly emotional age even means in the first place. Do you guys have any actual definitions, or is it just a tell all measurement of maturity?

I've never gotten a good definition either.

One thing I have noticed though is how basically suffering can put things in perspective. Things that seemed like a big deal when you are younger and less experienced can seem laughable when you're older and have gone through more.

I estimate my emotional age is about eight or nine, although having more than twice that in actual years means I can pass as an 'adult' for jobs or schooling etc, albeit a rather immature one. I think a combination of AS, developmental dyspraxia and childhood trauma is responsible for this. Being a kid is fun, I don't think you need to accelerate your emotional growth OP, just grow (or don't) at your own rate and enjoy the ride

2/3 isn't accurate, it's just an estimate. I am not sure what my emotional age is. It seems to vary. I also know emotional immaturity isn't exclusive to autism.

I think that's a bit of an exaggeration, although it's probably true in some cases. All individuals with autism/aspergers' develop at different paces.

One I've heard that seems more plausible is that people with Asperger's syndrome are about 3 years behind their peers in terms of emotional and social development. Which explains why it gets easier as you get older for some people, as there is a MUCH greater difference between the emotional functioning between, say, an 8 year old and an 11 year old, compared to a 22 year old and a 25 year old.

So the reason you may have had a hard time socially at age 15, for example, may be that your emotional maturity and social understanding was more like that of a 12-year-old.

This makes some sense for me, as in elementary school and even in high school I felt like I clicked better with, and felt more comfortable around, kids who were a bit younger than me. However three years difference in age becomes less and less significant as you get older and peoples' development tends to level off around early adulthood, so this would mean it gets easier for people with Asperger's to "catch up" to their peers at around this age.

However you also have to take into account the vastly different experiences faced by different aspies. Some seem to develop much faster than this, and others much slower. There are countless factors both within and without the individual.

Some aspies may also have trouble catching up to their peers regardless of their functioning, due to the possibility that they had been rejected/excluded or bullied in the past and resultingly have a low level of self-confidence in peer-to-peer interactions, and/or a lower amount of overall social experience to really understand how to interact successfully. It also seems fairly common for aspies to develop other types of disorders which would hinder their development, such as depression, anxiety, addictions, etc.

Not to mention the other differences between many aspies and neurotypicals, I assume even a very emotionally and socially mature aspie would come across as a bit quirky or different (not necessarily worse, though) due to their naturally different tendencies of thought and action.

2/3 of my age is 18.6. I think my emotional age is even more behind than that (maybe like that of a young teenager).

When was 10 and 11, I was around six years of age and when I was 12, I was around eight. I had always been slow in my development. When I was 7 and 8, I was probably around 3 or 4 years of age. But yet when I was toddler, my emotions were appropriate. I go by how my mom would get mad at me for getting upset or having anxiety when I was seven and eight. Then when I was twelve, she told me I was just a little girl on the inside and she wishes I could be eight again where it would be easier for me. In my medical papers from when I was 10 and 11, they mentioned something about at the level of a six year old with my behavior and my drawings.

It also seems like at a certain age, our emotions stop developing because I have seen people say they are at a certain level.

I suspect this too. It's not unlikely many of us emotionally will remain teenagers throughout life.

No wonder it's difficult to find love - teenagers cannot be too serious about love affairs. Seems like I cannot experience "true" romantic love unless it's a person with a similar young emotional age. It almost has to be a little awkward to feel like it's "true".

It is very difficult to measure my maturity level. I have a job, I am a graduate and I help my mother with the bills (actually, I plan the family's budget in a way that we both spend according to our income). On the other hand, I am socially ret*d and my self-esteem is nearly null. I would say that my emotional age ranges between 10 and 30 years old, but I have no references and I am just making up these numbers, anyway.

Very good way to describe it!
I think I'm perpetually stuck at about 15 +/- 1 or 2 but I can fake it and act older when I need to so I guess I can live with it.
A youthful mind could be a good thing in the long run.

That actually feels pretty accurate for me ... I'm not sure how valid it is, but as a point of interest, I'd say it's right in my case.

I can't put one number on my emotional age. In some ways I'm wise beyond many adults, in other ways I feel like an elementary schoolkid or even a toddler.

I find it really hard to figure out what age I feel- I'm 26 and definitely feel a lot younger. I work with ten year olds which I love, and I can relate to them in a lot of ways more than I can to adults. I was talking to a couple of kids I babysit about it a while ago, and both of them (separately) said that they thought I was lucky because I was "technically an adult and can do all the things adults can do, but still fun like a kid" which I took as a compliment, lol. They said they see me as both. It bugs me at school sometimes though when teachers treat me like one of the kids (I'm a voluntary teaching assistant).