Dealing with a friend with Asperger Syndrome

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OK guys, I know you have had this thread many times (I have looked through a few with the search bar), but I wanted some advice on how to deal with some specific things. Sorry for the wall of text, there's a tl;dr at the end. I totally understand if you don't read this monster. I half expect no replies, but I needed to get this off my chest anyway.

I recently started a course in software development, and as you would expect, many of the people there are a bit off-beat. But there is this one guy there who I became friends with. He probably has AS. The observations I am basing this on are his odd finger and hand bending, his strange arm movements, his loud tonal voice, talking about his obsessions (hackintoshes, and anything to do with apple computers , video editing, and a few other interests), and other symptoms, I think there's enough evidence already.

Most people in the class sort of passively exclude him by looking away, using short responses to what he says, etc. (although he doesn't pick up on this) but I guess I don't do that. I have sort of an affection for, and try to be non-judgemental with, people who are a bit different, probably because I have had my fair share of mental health problems. I have bipolar type 1, diagnosed last year, and have dealt with manic , psychotic mixed , and severe depressive episodes , plus I used to have social anxiety which was never diagnosed (but I don't seem to have it anymore). However I haven't had any severe episodes since it was treated. So basically, I know what it's like to be on the outside.

Anyway, since we became friends he follows me around like a lost puppy, and since we are always together, his social skills are starting to reflect on me. For example, when I try to talk to my other friends he ALWAYS starts a side conversation with me, even when I tell him not to. Or, if he's in the mood, he announces the new topic of conversation to the table which is invariably something that interests only him. His one-on-one conversational skills are a bit better but he still talks a lot about things that interest him, but we can joke and talk about some mutual interests (interests that he does not obsess about) as well.

He is also really annoying in that he hates everyone who is different. This is probably the stupidest thing that he does because he is clearly different himself. For example, he calls many people in our class nerds, he pays out one guy constantly behind his back because he is obese. He hates gays, blacks, pays out women, religious people, pays out anyone who isn't fit (he is very fit and healty and we do workouts together) and even payed out people with bipolar disorder once which pissed me the f**k off but he didn't notice. However, if I just called him a fuckbrain for thinking that he'd probably take me on, because someone made a joke that insulted him once and he got really upset, even though most people would just laugh and make a joke back.

He also is narcissistic, he thinks he is amazing at computers because he knows how to build them and install Apple OS's on PCs, and thinks he will retire by 30 by making a hugely successful business. From what I've seen, he's not that smart, he's hopeless at most of the typical school subjects such as maths, science and English and only succeeded academically at technology, to a moderate level.

If I started avoiding him, his social contacts would start dropping off because he basically knows everyone here through me and I think if I stopped buffering him socially, people would start to hate him. I think that maybe he could straighten out a lot of his negative social traits if he worked on it. He's a good friend and we get on well but all of these things really frustrate me! WHAT DO I DO?

tl;dr, my aspie friend keeps talking to me when I am having a group conversation, he can be selfish, he isolates me to talk to me alone, hates every group that is different (ironically), is narcissistic, embarrasses me in group conversations, never leaves me alone, etc. wat do.

Also, I think it needs to be added that I know that most aspies are not like my friend here - you all seem like a group of intelligent generous people , and I look forward to participating in the forum!

Someone with a personality problem.
That sounds the exact same problem as the other.
Think you both need to be. ( The quiet one ).
No such thing as multi personality’s.
Or an actor would be mentally sick.
Your the opposite of each other on the types.

the post by edgewaters definitely hit the nail on the head there.
I reckon he is an extremely insecure and vulnerable person. I reckon if you were more upfront with him about his controversial views that you don't agree with you'll find he probably doesn't actually truly believe them. He probably just says them to make himself feel more secure about his issues.

I often have this problem with people. I get on with my friends but sometimes their views and things do really piss me off. But you have to weigh up how valuable you consider his friendship and whether his shortcomings outweigh his friendship. At the end of the day it doesn't matter if he has AS, he can still just be a turd. I guess with time he will realise that he is being a bit out of line and he will learn from the experience and change as a person.

Yes, I don't think AS is really at issue here, at least not in a major way. If it was just AS then I doubt the OP would even be writing, resolution of the more minor issues would be more easily handled. To my mind the main problem and the first problem is the intractable one, that hostility to weakness. That's not from AS, its from individual personality, but it prevents self-realization and so, problems cannot be corrected (whether they are related to AS or anything else)

I've never found a solution with people who are like this, I just avoid them. Some grow out of it, some never do, but I've never seen one come to a realization from any one thing anyone ever tried or said, usually more like years and years of multiple people plus life experiences on top of that, and even that doesn't always work.

The AS guy, from what the OP describes, clearly has flaws but the human species is inherently flawed. Being flawed is part of being human. Humans grow by learning how to deal with and accepting the flaws of others.

Just to clarify with everyone, even though he has a lot of other personality faults, the thing that I want to solve first and foremost is his social problems, ie. him butting in whenever I want a group conversation, following me everywhere, talks about himself, changes the subject. These social problems really bug me, because they isolate me from other friends. The other things annoy me but not to the level where I want him to piss off and stop talking to me.

If there is a cure for narcissistic personality disorder I'd sure like to know what it is. I've met a few here and there; by and large they're nice people. Some are quite knowledgeable but their overarching ego can trip them up. This guy at my job got fired last year because he thought he knew how to run the company better than the bosses and decided to tell them that. From my experience, bosses already think they're doing the best job possible and if you point out their shortcomings they get insulted.

He talked a lot about how they mismanaged the place. I told him to just take the money and run. I guess his ego got the best of him. He challenged them so often that he eventually got fired on some nonsense other employees would've just gotten reprimanded for. I'm thinking that Womplord's friend will be facing the exact same issues his entire life. He'll be moving from job to job and, of course, it'll be everybody else's fault why he's unemployed. Good people offset by bad personalities. Such a shame.