Overthinking things

Post Reply New Topic

My question is,

Who here misses social cues or does the wrong thing constantly because of overthinking things in the wrong direction?

I try to figure out things: people, especially my kids, where with other people it seems so simple. To me it is like a gigantic maze without a GPS to navigate, and gawd I'm terrible with navigation!

I'm quite logical, too logical, but I can't articulate the right thing at the right time. My brain works fast, sometimes too fast, and I get frustrated and emotional. My husband thinks I react out of my emotions not from logic. Problem is, I *DO* react out of logic, but I simply can't express all the logical jumble of ideas in my head in a logical manner and my frustration becomes paramount, hence it looks like I'm responding emotionally vs. logically.

With other people, I don't think about them so much anymore, because I am cocooned in my family life lately, it is too overwhelming to get into other people's dramas. But when I start to think about people and have to consider their motivations and their agendas, my stomach gets ill. I literally want to puke. It's like venturing out into a great big sea with sharks in it.

This is why sometimes I don't think Aspie applies to me. I don't hear of anyone else complaining about the same problem.

I over think things in the wrong direction all the time. It can be really stressful.

I'm frequently told that I overthink things, but the accuracy of the analysis/actions seems to depend on the level of social complexity. For me, I don't think there is an alternative to "over-thinking" because I have to reason my way through situations and don't seem to have reliable instincts. I consider "over-thinking" to be a coping mechanism for deficient social skills and inability to reliably "read" others to determine their emotions and intentions based on body language.

I remember we covered this topic in the Love and Dating section in the last couple of months. Yes, it seems typical that Aspies overthink things because of the inability to read cues when they need to. It seemingly has more to do with a social anxiety mixed with Aspergers. However, we noticed this over thinking can be quite overwhelming and lead to a burnout stage as well. Another topic brought up similar to this was "self-defeat" due to overthinking.

I am pretty certain there are other links on other threads on this website that indicate that the brain of an Aspie or Autistic person works differently and we tend to see things in objects. This may make it more difficult to navigate the emotional parts of our relationships with others. And yes, emotions tend to be the reason why Aspies or Autistic people get overwhelmed as well. Our way of logical thinking isn't considered logical to NT's either.

Social phobia/panic attacks, I don't know if these are in the same cluster as AS, and I also don't know the comorbidity rate, but I assume you have researched it, yes?

Cube: Yes, that article fit me to a tee, especially when I was a kid.

AspieMike: I don't hang out in the Love and Dating section usually, since I'm married and only half the title of the topic would apply to me

Actually I have to take that back above. I sometimes charge in and deal with fallout later, but in other situations I tend to be less proactive, especially if I'm in an environment where I don't know anyone or am not friends with anyone. In those cases I keep to myself generally.

Mikassyna, I think the problem is that what we are lacking isn't something that should require conscious thought at all. I think for NT's the social stuff is instinctive. I think a good analogy is if we had to think about everything we do to walk we'd never get up; how to walk is not something we consciously think about, or even could consciously think about, and do successfully. The big difference is those who aren't hardwired to walk can always use crutches or a wheelchair while there is no social equivalent for us. All we can do is our best, and not beat ourselves up if things don't always turn out as well as we could hope.

I don't think I overthink things. Other people think I overthink things. I think they underthink things.
My mind is very logical. I think that's why I tend to feel more at home in front of a computer than with people.
I hear people talking about quieting their minds by either generating noise via TV/music always on or taking something or another but I don't really understand why they want to do that.

I can often be very absent-minded because of spending too much time in my head.