Clothing issues...

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This is a bit of a twist on a recent thread.

Have any of the female Aspies out there found a good, reliable source of quality clothing that is comfortable but can be worn to work in an office without looking "frumpy" or "dowdy"? Ideally it wouldn't be expensive but I am so desperate to be comfortable I might consider saving up for something that would last...

One of my FCM's (Frequent Cause of Meltdowns) includes the frustration of getting dressed in the morning. Given the opportunity, I would wear the same clothes over and over (and have often done so). However, I now have a job where I have to show up five days a week, and the entire office is female (way too much estrogen some days) and they all dress like fashion models. My previously typical t-shirt and loose jeans (t-shirt and jersey knit skirt if dressing "up") don't fly there.

All I had besides the preferred clothes was a nice suit which I wore to a national conference, so I bought a few more collared shirts at Goodwill and started wearing that. But everyone (including my boss) started to make fun of me, because it was formal and "masculine". I bought a few other things to mix in--skirts and such--but now I am uncomfortable (office skirts seem to require tights) and confused (too many items to choose from, and they don't all work together).

I have noticed that over the years I have had a difficult relationship with clothes. I have bought specific pieces to wear to various events where a particular clothing type was required, and then at some point I have a bewildering array of things, none of which seem right for the current need and most of which are horribly uncomfortable. Also, colors affect me very strongly. I am now wearing mostly black because I went through a year or so where I was very drawn to warm colors, but something has changed where the colors seem very acidic to me and make me ill just seeing them in my closet. Grey also was very calming a year ago but now depresses me.

Any advice?

I have never been able to dress myself - meaning have no idea how to select clothing that makes me 'look good' (i don't LITERALLY have a physical incapability of dressing myself)
I am 45 and my 'good clothes' are pretty much all gifts for me from my Mum and sisters. I don't even like some of them, but at least they are not full of holes.
I usually chose plain (no prints) colours, favouring black and blue, knitted, simple cut, no tight stuff. Usually if you can afford it, it is worth buying this sort of thing in good quality materials so they last well and sit nicely on you. People will probably not notice what you are specifically wearing if you dress like this, yet you will look good. If you wear anything distinctive, then they will notice if you repeat it too much.

Classic standard colours and cuts, simple, good quality fabrics.
Find an upmarket store when it is on sale, and you should be able to find that. Then you can add accessories which will make it look different.

I notice on 'Who's Line Is it Anyway?' (an improvisation comedy show) that Wayne Brady dresses like this. He always looks casual and upmarket, very presentable, and better than the others because of this.

I sew so know about fabrics a bit. I just don't know how to choose for myself, or how I look to others. I can identify when someone else looks good to me though. Usually.

This is what I have been leaning toward. Black pants, dress, or skirt, to be varied by the tops or accessories I wear with them. I think I will follow your lead and enlist my sisters in choosing the elements of variety. Fortunately, we do have a J. Crew clearance store here, and their clothes mostly fit me and the fabrics aren't full of obnoxious synthetics. Sometimes the cut is uncomfortable, though. But when I find a pair of trousers or a shirt which fits, it never costs above $30, and sometimes half that. I used to sew, too, when I had the time, and I have always been choosy about fabrics.



I shall have a look, I have seen the show but cannot recall names well, so I don't know if I have seen him. It always does help to have a visual! Thanks so much for the tips.

It's getting summer now so you can wear casual skirts with sandals and no pantyhose. Of course if you do that, make sure your legs are shaved, and it doesn't hurt to get a bit of sun on your legs if you are naturally very pale. Also, you can get longer elastic waist full skirts and wear them with a loose top or a tank top with a thin loose overshirt on it. That's very comfortable. You can even wear flip flops as shoes if you get some that look nice. You could also do the Elaine from Seinfeld look, although it's dated it's still a nice look. Find some longer, floral print dresses and wear boots like Doc Martins with them, or any big clunky shoes with knee socks. Since the dresses are long, you can get away with knee socks.

You can pretty much dress almost anything up if you work at it a little. You could get solid color tshirts and find some tailored pants to go with them. Tuck the tshirt in and wear a blazer type jacket over it. You can find them in lightweight cotton and they are very comfortable. There are also loose baggy cotton pants with drawstring waists that you can wear with sandals and loose untucked tops. It's an artsy look but it's nice.

Wayne Brady is the hot black guy.

Oh, THAT guy!! Yes, very nice indeed

A number of these suggestions include the sort of things I normally would wear, which is good, since it means I have at least half of each ideal outfit already I think I am going to copy all these suggestions in the form of a list, take a photo on my phone of the pieces of each outfit I already own, and take a friend to the store with me who has more fashion sense than I do, to find the pieces to match them. Then I will take a pic of the whole outfit together, and hang these on the door of my closet so I can pick the one I want to wear and then take out the relevant pieces.

Over the past week at work, I have also made surreptitious notes on the sorts of things my co-workers wear--at least, the few items that don't look frightfully uncomfortable. The outfits which fall into the "comfortable" category seem to accord nicely with the suggestions you both have made, so if I can afford a few changes, I should fit in quite nicely, without being miserable.

I shall not, however, attempt to emulate the woman who has never worn the same pair of shoes twice in the 6 weeks I have worked there... talk about sensory overload...

I will never understand some peoples attitude with clothes. I don't get the shoe thing at all.
and the whole fashion obsession thing is totally beyond me. Especially the idea that clothes are unwearable because they are no longer in fashion.
I remember a story on a current affairs program a couple of years ago where two women were complaining that they could not survive off of welfare and they should be getting more. To make her point, one of them said "I have been wearing the same jacket for three years!".

Well, I have been wearing many items for ever 20 years, and I m not on welfare.

The idea that it is somehow important to but a whole new wardrobe every year or 2 is wrong is so many ways, to me.

This is why simple classic cuts are the only way to go for me. They are not subject to the stupid whims of fashion.
In public, anyway.
At home I sometimes dress like a freak show. Whatever is going to make me comfortable for the day is my fashion of choice.I always have to change to leave the house, which I don't do more than necessary.

I couldn't agree more! The things I love, I will wear until they fall apart at the seams--even if at some point they must be reserved for "home use only". Some of my favourite items I found in the charity shops, and are several seasons "behind" by the time they make it to my closet. On the occasions that I have purchased something aligning with a current trend, I have usually regretted it in very short order, for reasons of comfort or practicality or the simple fact that I feel awkward wearing it.

The main difficulty I find is that it is so difficult for women (in the States at least) to find simple, basic stuff, even online. In the men's departments, clothes are organized by type: jeans here, trousers there, dress shirts there, and all neatly placed according to color and cut. Not hard to find a nice shirt in a comfortable cut, or plain trousers that fit more or less predictably. In the women's department, it's a disaster. Black trousers in ten different places, skirts in twenty, and not a plain basic shirt in sight. Even online, there are far too many choices and you have no ability to feel the material ahead of time, so you chance having to send it back again, unless you know the company well and they don't change up their styles or cuts every season.

The fashion industry does have a lot to answer for in terms of ethics, too. It dismays me to think of the conditions in which some of these things are made, which may sound a bit hypocritical of me since I can't afford to pay a lot for things. But if our culture didn't demand a constant influx of new fashions, we probably wouldn't be searching for cheap factories in impoverished nations to supply the massive quantities of poorly made goods people seem to demand, and the better brands wouldn't have to follow suit (no pun intended ) in order to compete. Thoreau reasoned that one only needed a single good suit, because if it was well made it would last many, many years. So prioritizing quality over quantity or couture puts you in great company!! !

And yes, when at home I throw on whatever is comfortable and convenient. Which results in some very amusing combinations... at least I am amused...

Thanks for reminding all the male aspies that it's not so bad to be a guy afterall.
Women just have to buy new clothes every couple weeks. there's no two ways around it. and you can't wear any visible clothes more than once a week basically. I guess you have to find a cheap place for nice clothes. around here we have dollar stores and foreman mills.. it's like a macy's with high-fashion $10 jeans and shirts. Look for discount department stores and try to loosely copy the other women at your job. Toned down a bit, if that's what you prefer. another place to get clothing ideas is from current TV shows.. there's plenty of them featuring job scenes and people in them. That's what I go by sometimes. good luck

Although it's too expensive for me, Eileen Fisher's line is very lovely, soft, and comfortable. The colors are mostly muted and it's elegant and graceful without being too fitted. The fabrics are excellent. A lot of the waists are drawstring/elastic.

If you find any on the clearance rack, get it. If you find it in the thrift store, look it over carefully before buying. I got an awesome skirt in a silk/linen blend but it was not cut correctly so it twists around. I guess that's why it ended up in a thrift store.

When it comes to "clothes that fit together" I orientate myself on magazines, and th puppets in the windows. I can reimagine complete building sites in 3D, but I am totally unable to imagine if blouse X will fit with skirt Y, or such stuff. I see the blouse, I see the skirt, but even if my life depended on it, I couldnt tell if combining them is ok to actual fashion or not. Luckily I only need these stuff for my partners family events, and can wear normal stuff in work.

I can't wear tight itchy stuff.It has to be soft.I've got this catalog that is rated on softness,it has nice things.I just can't really afford them.
http://www.softsurroundings.com