Am I Doing The Right Thing? Hate Breaking Social Norms...

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So I talk to people about autism. Particularly people who've probably never heard the perspective of autistic people themselves - like moms I hear talking about their DAN doctors and how you "can't expect a cure overnight" (as I think to myself that you can't expect one at all). And I'm really nice and nonthreatening and stuff about it - normally I just hand out my website and hope they visit it and I don't say anything judge-y.

The trick is, a lot of times when I talk to people like that, they're strangers and/or I have to break a social norm. Like talking to someone I don't know by posting on another friends' status. Or walking up to a group of strangers in a restaurant (at my sister's bequest - she's the AS one in the family and I'm at least BAP).

The thing is, I'm just NT enough to know I'm breaking these norms - but not NT enough to be able to do it gracefully or confidently (or even fake charisma). And it stresses me out SO badly to do these things, because I have no idea how people are going to react, I don't have the social skills nor bravado to handle a negative reaction, and I can't stand confrontation.

I dunno, I guess I'm looking for someone to either (a) confirm I'm doing the right thing and make me feel better/give me the courage I need to keep talking to people (when I'm acting on a lot of other peoples' behalf, I don't tend to get as stressed...it's when I'm speaking for myself that I run into issues), or (b) tell me I should stop because then I would feel better about not doing this.

Help?

I think it's fine to post on things you see even if you aren't friends with the person. If you can see it then the poster allowed others to see and post. That seems to be within social norms.

As for walking up to strangers who are having a private conversation, I'd be a bit more careful with that. I'd print up some cards with your website on it and walk up with a card in your hand and say something like "I couldn't help overhearing you were talking about autism. I'd like to invite you to visit my website from the perspective of an autistic person." and hand them the card and smile and if they take it say "Thank you" and if they don't want it then say something like "Oh, ok. Well have a good day" and walk away. If they ask more questions then that opens the door to talk to them more, but they may not be interested in talking about it face to face with a stranger. They may look at your site and contact you there, or they may do nothing at all. That way you stay within the social norms, pretty much.

OliveOilMom:
That is almost exactly what I did with the strangers. Except with a bit more stammering.

Thelibrarian:
I think I'm okay on that front - I'm pretty firm on the whole 'first do no harm thing' myself. I am actually really super careful with what I say - I don't tell people what I believe, I just give them my website (which, for the most part, also doesn't tell people what I believe, but it does educate). I think my biggest problem is just not getting too nervous.



Also, I was literally just in a restaurant talking to someone about a diet, and a stranger walked up to us, interrupted our conversation, and told us all about the proper diet to follow from his point of view (which means he went far beyond what I did). I feel somewhat better now...

Then as far as I can tell you aren't breaking any type of social code, not that I'm an expert on it or something. As for the stammering, maybe just memorize one sentence to say at first and say it. I don't know what else to suggest there.

The FB thing, I'm assuming, is where you end up having a conversation or posting to a stranger who has posted on one of your friend's status. That's how I met several good friends. It's actually how I met my best friend IRL. She is my age and had worked as a volunteer at this haunted house one year where my daughter was volunteering and she friended my daughter because she friended everybody and had like 800 friends or something, half of which she didn't even know. So she commented on one of my daughters' status or on something I posted on my daughter's wall and within about a week we were having long conversations in other people's threads. Like really long ones. This one 40 some odd post thread about if it would be better to date Dog the Bounty Hunter or a guy you thought just might be a serial killer made us decide that one of us should just friend the other, so we did - I can't remember who did first, and then we talked on FB, then on the phone a few times when she had a crisis, then I had a crisis and she came and got me and I stayed at her house for a couple days after never having met her anywhere but FB and on the phone - but it is a small town and she lived about a mile and a half from me and everybody knows everybody pretty much. I have lots of stories about making friends that way, commenting on other people's stuff, but none became as good a friend as she did. I actually made a good FB and phone friend who lives in another state when we were both posting on some thread in a public site about Paula Deen. We argued then got to talking in threads and became good friends. So, don't feel bad about doing that, ever. If someone only wants friends to comment to them they will set their FB to only show their posts to friends.