Questioning my Aspergers diagnosis.

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I have had three different diagnosis situations in my life. Two of them had the doctors conclude I was an individual with Aspergers. The third one happened when I was 7, and that diagnosis was "Pervasive Developmental Delay" (which is medical terminology that was applied when that particular doctor did not have a clue what was going on with me).

I have been doing a lot of reading as a part of my therapy program, though. My emotional meltdowns, my social awkwardness, the way that I always felt like an outsider, the way that I felt the need to consistently put up a facade that I was not having any real problems the need to be either at the top of my game (because being anything less would make me worthless)..... That probably is not a result of any form of autism. I am learning that all of this goes hand in hand with sexual and physical abuse in early childhood. I am also learning that I never had any problems with my perception; things really were as screwed-up as I always thought they were. My confusion with everything in life is actually perfectly understandable to most people under the circumstances I lived through.

Still, I have the speech impediment issues..... And I do take many things way too literally..... But I am beginning to think that my part of the spectrum never really was as severe as so many people have told me throughout my life. In any case, with many incompetent doctors, a diagnosis is just a diagnosis. I do know I most likely would have been functioning a lot better throughout my past life if I were born into a healthier family.

Not sure how to say that I may have really been more of a NT than I realized all of these years. I'm not sure what to think. I think I probably should get tested again after I work through my abuse issues more thoroughly. Or perhaps that should not even matter all that much at the end of the day. I am wondering if the specifics of my diagnosis history is even worth examining.

This is an awkward post. Not sure how else to explain it.

You seem to be focusing mainly on social issues; how about things like restricted interests, stimming, adherence to rituals/routines, sensory issues, etc...?

I am sorry you had to go through that abuse. That is why I am going to suggest something that will be jarring to you so sit down and a deep breath. I think you should get your brain scanned to see if there is any damage from the physical abuse.

A lot of what you mentioned can be a byproducts of autism as well as Post Traumatic Stress from abuse. Being literal is a classic autistic trait and many on the spectrum have speech issues from impediments to being non verbal.

Having to be on top of your game and no less can also be connected with Aspergers. Anything less that the perfect can be felt like disaster for an asperger. Read Tony Attwood.

abuse can make symptoms stand out. it's cause and effect. that is where you may really notice it. nt's can blow things off, put things in a box, lie, and become more like the abuser, easier. relapse. we recapitulate. make a better box. BREAK THE CHAIN.

Do you mean: NT´s can put things in a box and "let go if it" or project it, whereas we persevere over it and "keep" it?

Does it really matter? I guess for some people, if you have ASD it could seem like it was somehow an excuse for abuse. I hope you don't really feel that way. Because your having, or not having, ASD doesn't excuse or really explain abuse.

And people should take you as you are in the present. You are whole, and more complicated than one label.

I agree with other poster, it is harder to let things roll off if you have ASD than if you are NT.