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SteelMaiden
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13 Jan 2014, 6:17 pm

I am an introvert, but if someone brings up a scientific topic, I will give a lecture to them about it in a robotic fashion.

I was told today that when I do, I use too much jargon and nobody in my house understands what I'm talking about.

I am not sure if I should suppress it or not. It feels like a huge building up of pressure inside my brain that is released upon rambling / lecturing.

Opinions? Advice?


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Tuttle
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13 Jan 2014, 6:21 pm

Could you redirect it to writing instead of speaking, and write up useful information, over time, by gathering together all your ramblings/rants?



Makar
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13 Jan 2014, 7:16 pm

I have this issue too, I feel like I need to find someone and share all the information I've collected because I get so excited about it and it just keeps circling around in my mind. I think it's part of the way I process information.

I've also been told I use too much jargon and sometimes no one knows what I'm talking about :/

I know I should try to stop doing this because my dad (also has AS) does this all the time and it drives my family CRAZY. If we were watching something on tv he would often come in, stand in front of it and start taking at us, sometimes for an hour + or until everyone walked away. If anyone protested or tried to point out to him that he was interrupting / being rude / had picked a bad time he would go into a rage. At least I don't do that.

Anyway, I've had the most success with explaining to people I know that if I'm doing this and it's annoying them to just let me know or tell me if it's not the best time.

Also I've realized that if the NT you're talking to completely stops looking at you for a while they're probably not listening and just zoning out. Then I ask if I'm being annoying or if they want me to stop talking.

I've been considering taking detailed notes instead and seeing if this helps remove the urge to ramble. I think the ideal solution is to have someone else with the same interest but that can be difficult to find.

With people I don't know well I just try to avoid subjects related to my interests. If they talk about other things I can stay quiet. If they talk about one of my interests I can't seem to help myself.



kifotv
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13 Jan 2014, 9:25 pm

Makar wrote:
Anyway, I've had the most success with explaining to people I know that if I'm doing this and it's annoying them to just let me know or tell me if it's not the best time.

Also I've realized that if the NT you're talking to completely stops looking at you for a while they're probably not listening and just zoning out. Then I ask if I'm being annoying or if they want me to stop talking.

I've been considering taking detailed notes instead and seeing if this helps remove the urge to ramble. I think the ideal solution is to have someone else with the same interest but that can be difficult to find.

With people I don't know well I just try to avoid subjects related to my interests. If they talk about other things I can stay quiet. If they talk about one of my interests I can't seem to help myself.


Really good advice, but I'm curious, when you say taking detailed notes, what would the notes entail? Maybe the conversation, duration, and response at end, or writing instead of talking, or something else?

Letting people know about the issue beforehand has worked well for me, but it's not really feasible for strangers or the whole host of rotating people I only see at work, but good for family and friends. When I do give people the go-ahead to stop me, they still seem to just put up with it most of the time, but it still helps. I don't usually bring up AS or anything specific when I tell people, just say that sometimes I get excited and lose focus.

Special interests still get me going sometimes, but I've had some success with pausing for a second or two when they are brought up. My dad (NT but a rambler) pauses frequently, even when he's excited, and waits for a nod or answer from the listener, which allows him to terminate conversations near when the listener is fed up, but it also annoys people and sometimes ruins conversations which the person might have actually been interested in.

Also wondering about the other way around, does anyone else here have trouble terminating conversations which other people are dragging out?



DevilKisses
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13 Jan 2014, 9:53 pm

I have this problem as well. I was way worse when I was younger. Now I can pick up enough social cues to know when I'm going too far. I usually talk about my special interests online or to one or two people who can tolerate it. My step dad has the same problem, but he doesn't seem to know it. He pretty much always talks about work and takes over a lot of conversations.


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Makar
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13 Jan 2014, 10:09 pm

kifotv wrote:
Makar wrote:
Anyway, I've had the most success with explaining to people I know that if I'm doing this and it's annoying them to just let me know or tell me if it's not the best time.

Also I've realized that if the NT you're talking to completely stops looking at you for a while they're probably not listening and just zoning out. Then I ask if I'm being annoying or if they want me to stop talking.

I've been considering taking detailed notes instead and seeing if this helps remove the urge to ramble. I think the ideal solution is to have someone else with the same interest but that can be difficult to find.

With people I don't know well I just try to avoid subjects related to my interests. If they talk about other things I can stay quiet. If they talk about one of my interests I can't seem to help myself.


Really good advice, but I'm curious, when you say taking detailed notes, what would the notes entail? Maybe the conversation, duration, and response at end, or writing instead of talking, or something else?

Letting people know about the issue beforehand has worked well for me, but it's not really feasible for strangers or the whole host of rotating people I only see at work, but good for family and friends. When I do give people the go-ahead to stop me, they still seem to just put up with it most of the time, but it still helps. I don't usually bring up AS or anything specific when I tell people, just say that sometimes I get excited and lose focus.

Special interests still get me going sometimes, but I've had some success with pausing for a second or two when they are brought up. My dad (NT but a rambler) pauses frequently, even when he's excited, and waits for a nod or answer from the listener, which allows him to terminate conversations near when the listener is fed up, but it also annoys people and sometimes ruins conversations which the person might have actually been interested in.

Also wondering about the other way around, does anyone else here have trouble terminating conversations which other people are dragging out?

By detailed notes I mean writing down all of the information I find while I'm researching my interests. I think this might accomplish something similar to rambling because I'll be savoring the information in a different way.

I agree that it's difficult to find a solution for dealing with strangers. My current technique is conversation avoidance.

Maybe one thing to try is making a rule for yourself that any time a topic you can't help but ramble about is brought up, you excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a break for a couple of minutes. When you return the conversation will probably have moved on and you don't have to exercise the same amount of restraint.

I know that for me even if I waited a few seconds I still would probably start especially if the people were talking about misinformation or saying something inaccurately. That drives me crazy and people do it so often when they talk about things they don't know very much about.

To answer your other question I also don't know how to terminate a conversation when someone else is talking and I don't want to keep talking. For the most part my ability to carry a conversation is so bad this isn't a frequent problem for me with NTs.

A trick I use with my dad is to change the subject to something else he likes, like saying "Oh hey, why don't we do this thing you like later in the week." Then he gets all excited about that and it distracts him.



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14 Jan 2014, 2:20 am

I've learned to define all interest-specific terms within the context of my monologues, for instance, when I go off about dinosaurs and say things like, "There were certain types of dinosaurs who lived in Antarctica, for instance, the Muttaburrasaurus -- a giant 2.5 tonne plant eater that looked a little like an Iguanodon -- used to migrate down there every winter...". If you can remember to define all terms that you suspect are unclear to your audience, they may be more inclined to listen. Also, check in every so often. If I've been talking for several minutes and I notice people have started to move away or do something else, I'll ask, "Am I boring you?" and then they can say yes or no. A good rule of thumb for when to ask this question is, if you have to follow them to the next room to continue your discussion, or you have to talk past the book they're holding or over the TV they've turned on, or step out of their way as they move about performing some other activity like cooking or cleaning. Sometimes people just get sick of hearing you talk, and that's usually the point at which I leave them alone and indulge my interest by myself, whether it's research, reading, organising my figurines, or watching one of my documentaries. If you try to cut back on the amount of time you spend monologuing, and try introducing interesting mini-factoids here and there among other conversation when such facts are relevant to the current discussion, you may find people starting to become more interested in hearing what you have to say.


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EzraS
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14 Jan 2014, 2:27 am

If it wasn't for my selective mutism i would have this problem.
but i am like that with my friend and cousin.
my friend whos unbelievably patient just lets me ramble because he knows
he is just about the only person im able to do that with.
My cousin the clown will reach over and clamp his hand over my mouth and
start saying things to make me laugh so i can't keep taking.