I'm confused. I think have hemophobia and hematomania. you're probably wondering how is that possible. I'm not sure, I believe it's got something to do with my unique situation- I've got two people in my head, and three if you count me in this plane of existence. I have have hemophobia but one of the people in my head has hematomania and this causes for some really weird situations.
So basically I can get sick at the sight of blood, and i want to vomit but I'm also fascinated by it and want to bathe in it.
I'm not affected by blood and gore in anything that i know isn't real or is fantasy, such as cartoons, anime, drawings, comics, video games. actually i often find myself dissatisfied with the level of blood and gore in video games. my slideshow screensaver is entirely composed of drawn images depicting torture, violence and anything with tons of blood and gore. it makes me happy and calm.
But I am often severely affected by blood & gore (mostly gore) in movies, TV shows. I can't even be in the same room of a movie with a surgery scene or anything with major blood/gore caused by serious trauma. if it's just blood without the gore though I'm usually ok, unless there's alot of blood then it can disturb me badly.
Photos of blood or gore is the worst, there are images that I wish I did not see. The self harm ones are the worst, because I can easily imagine that's my body part or seeing that person in real life, right next to me. you might wonder why would a hemophobic person go look up cutting images... that's because i cut and during the times my hemophobia gets in the way the best way to handle it is to go online and read stories about cutting or look at images. i prefer stories, not as graphic and they satisfy my lust for blood without actually seeing a really nasty bloody or a torn up arm. ones severe enough to require stitch always make me want to puke. stitches makes my skin crawl.
Real life things that involve blood or gore, it's very mixed. Sometimes i have a severe reaction and other times I can ignore a serious injury no problem. since i started cutting 3 weeks ago i haven't experience any bleeding injuries,. not even a paper cut, but one night my dad making dinner accidentally sliced off the skin at the tip of his finger. The injury was not severe, in fact it was very minor, but there was so much blood! i could not eat dinner at all I was sick for two days after. I dunno why that made me so sick, because a few days earlier i was happily cutting my own arm without problems.
I keep changing between fearing blood, loving blood and totally desensitized to it that it leaves me really confused.