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bumble
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07 Feb 2014, 3:44 am

Do you often find that the reactions you get from people when you say or do things are not the reactions you were expecting?

Do you find yourself surprised or confused by those reactions at times?

If so, do you find it difficult to know what you should and shouldn't be doing socially because of that?



a_dork
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07 Feb 2014, 4:33 am

Even now, this kind of drama happens to me regularly. Part of the reason why I'm so socially clueless is because people never told me what I was doing wrong. I always appreciate someone who'd take the time to explain how I handled a situation incorrectly, so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. Oftentimes, people expect you to know what a horrible thing you did and feel guilty about it right away. Unfortunately, this is one of the most difficult things for us to pick up on. So whenever I asked the offended person what I did, they'd go from annoyed to straight up pissed off. They'd think I was being a smart-ass and that I had no remorse for my actions. But they couldn't have been more wrong--led to so many misunderstandings and blow-ups. I'm not saying that we need our hand held for every social situation, but some constructive criticism would help do wonders.


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bumble
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07 Feb 2014, 8:09 am

Indeed a non judgmental explanation of the error would often be appreciated.



Eccles_the_Mighty
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07 Feb 2014, 8:13 am

Oh yeah!

Years ago I dropped off a Christmas card at work addressed to a girl I liked. The next day she walked up to me and tore it up in front of my face. It looks like I wasn't her type of guy.


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11 Feb 2014, 5:31 pm

bumble wrote:
Do you often find that the reactions you get from people when you say or do things are not the reactions you were expecting? Do you find yourself surprised or confused by those reactions at times? If so, do you find it difficult to know what you should and shouldn't be doing socially because of that?

While I am getting better at faking NT behaviours that I disagree with and at executing the ones I agree with, it still happens now and then. I do wish people weren't so evasive; I'd rather know I did something they don't like so that I can defend it or correct it. NTs must be such fragile things if they have to save face so often in order to not have nervous breakdowns :P



hyena
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11 Feb 2014, 6:20 pm

Yes at times people's reactions take me by surprise. Sometimes I am unintentionally funny (though more often intentionally :) ).
I often do not know what people think of me, going by their facial expressions. Others seem to be able to get much more out of that than I can.

Generally my behaviour is guided by my morality. As long as I am not harming any sentient being (especially on a personal level) I am ok. As long as I know something is not immoral I don't care if others think it's odd.

As far as social graces go, I am told I am seriously deficient, though people I have to deal with generally to like me. Even when I make a faux pas I am never apologetic unless someone was hurt by it. If someone seriously objects I ask them to argue for their point. If someone wants to convince me I have done something wrong they have to show who was harmed by it. No victim no crime.