Often come across better IRL than online

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I think this is because online I feel safer to discuss my complete views about things, which doesn't always come across as pleasant. At times, online I've gotten messages from people telling me to seek mental health help. Of course, I already am, but if I told them that, they'd talk about how I'd need to find a new therapist or something because the one I'm using is clearly not working. (Talk about being presumptuous.)

Anyway, I am able to engage in most self-care activities, I work (and as my supervisor has repeatedly told me I do a darn good job at it), and I live independently. The only for me that sucks is that I'm rather isolated socially, but I can socialize enough to ensure my needs are met.

I'm pretty happy with my therapist as is and wish there would be this lack of presumption. I'm doing the best I can IRL, while venting about the things that bother me online that way they don't blow up and mess up the arrangments I have IRL.

I don't do well anywhere but IRL is certainly better mostly due to being able to express better and more openly.

online I have mostly figured out how to avoid fights since I hate them, I just avoid many topics or areas where confrontation occur.

In real life, people take one look at me and realize I am very shy, timid, peaceful, and non-threatening. Online, that doesn't come across, so people assume I'm a lot tougher and more aggressive than I really am.

People also think I am a little on the weird side so can tend to avoid me. Others think I am too quiet so can tend to avoid me. Some think I am too quiet and too weird so tend to avoid me. Other speak to me but the conversation just seem to run dry. Men sometimes like me until I open my mouth, then apparently I am too weird again (for some, some have actually liked my quirks though).

The people where I live don't understand how I can walk to into a room full of people and go sit by myself, why I have my curtains drawn in bright sunlight and why I always wear the same coat. I know this because one in a rare while someone will tell me the gossip or will ask why do these strange things.

I don't think they are all that weird...to me the people who think they are weird are weird, in a confusing type of way.

No one has called me "weird" or "quirky" in a long time. Probably because I keep to myself and dress like a hipster. Most people assume hipster-types are faking their weirdness. I haven't heard any gossip about me. Since I go to a big school most people probably don't even notice me. People do however ask me if I'm okay. This drives me crazy. Especially when I can barely communicate or they ask me over and over again.

One problem I think I run into when I talk with ohter trans people online is when I am experiencing gender dysphoria really badly. When I experience it really badly I find it impossible to describe with words; it's like no words can describe it. So I try to describe it indirectly, by metaphors, telling stories, playing hypotheticals, etc., but how I describe it just ends up being really triggering for everyone else and like most trans people online hate me and reject me for it. They tell me I must seek mental help immediately, etc.

Nevertheless, I have described these sorts of experiences in the same manner to 3 or 4 mental health professionals, and none of them were getting the straitjacket out. They just let me describe my experiences.

I wonder if many people in the trans community are biased against trans people that look like they may have mental health issues. I know that there is a big movement in the trans community to disavail themselves of the label of mental illness, so I'm wondering if it might prompt some to throw trans people with apparent mental issues under the bus.

It's like when I mention these experiences, I do not admit of a need for community with others, neither do I provide an opportunity therefor.

Online people are more likely to just assume the worst about me and attack me for it. In real life I think people can see that I'm not threatening at all. I think I come across more aggressively in writing than I do in person, because I'm able to express my thoughts more coherently. In real life I rarely say what I really think about anything. If I do it usually makes people mad the same way it does online.