Starting to really dislike my spouse vent.

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My spouse and I have had great communication difficulties and differences in style of parenting, approaching conflict, managing life stresses, etc. He is quite passive aggressive, and complacent-he won't have uncomfortable conversations with anyone, and has an avoidant personality. He does not deal with any problems he just avoids, and cannot think for himself often. He positions himself to be told what to do and is good at tasking but not involving his own opinion, thought, etc. For example: when asked any small or big question like what he likes, wants to do etc he always returns in a question (not just to me, to anyone) what do YOU want? He waits to see the position of everyone around him to then go along with something. I feel like a parent to another child, and he blames everyone for his own stuff. I have my own things that I am dealing with and in a marriage I feel like I can't say anything or else I'm "attacking" him (I once told him that we need to put a waterproof pad under our child's sheet and he blew up at me about me being mean, attacking etc. I just don't get it. It's beyond the stages of working on communicating-I'm thinking we have just a too different approach to life, and people and being.

I'm moving past the annoyance pet peeve stage, and ability to let it go-I'm actually highly irritated with the tactics he does as it consumes every topic, every moment of our lives. I understand some flexibility with each having our own stuff but he positions me to be like the "manager" of him to tell him what to do (or he does nothing, says nothing) then reacts saying he does all this stuff. I do not like having to think for him. From the smallest things to me expressing some feelings around anything he says "oh" or "okay" to things that you don't say "okay" to. Sometimes I think he has ASD and adhd, more than me.

My questions are that in my past I get to a point where I am "done" with people-friends, acquaintances, co-workers and I'm feeling the same progress for him. I am trying desperately not to as I do love him but can't not see all these effed up dysfunctional things that just send me to the loonie bin (lol) more and more. Am I fighting (myself, asd) a losing battle? Is there a way to go back after feeling contempt for a person? Is it me being on the spectrum that I can't unsee them, it's like in my face all the time or?

Sorry, needed to vent today.

I would like to know this too. I mean, to know what to do. I am in a similar predicament.

I sympathise with your situation and hope for the best possible outcome for you, whatever it may be.

It sounds like counseling would be a good idea, so your spouse can hear advice from an objective party. Part of being an adult is making and owning their own decisions. The dynamic you describe is a no win situation right now.