Anxiety with obligation of responsibility

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I don't mean moving out and living alone. I mean like when you feel compelled to take responsibility of something, out of a group of people or out in public. Two examples of recent experiences of mine:-

Yesterday I was waiting in the bus station for the bus. I was standing near a deserted supermarket trolley, and was the only one nearest to it. It was an extremely windy day, and it looked like the trolley would start rolling down the small ramp and on to the road. Although I didn't want it to go anywhere and cause a small accident, I felt anxious because I had a sense that if it did start rolling along towards the road, I would have to run after it and get it because I was the nearest to it. I was getting anxious of that responsibility because everybody would obviously look at me as I run to get the trolley, and then I would be unsure of what to do with it after, and I would feel my face going red because of being in the spotlight, and what if some people think I'm stupid because I lack confidence....? So I moved and stood somewhere else. The trolley didn't go anywhere by the way.

Then last Thursday I was on a training course (something related to my job). We were in a room with a few windows, and only one of the windows could open and had a curtain. I happened to be sitting near that window. The window looked quite difficult to open, and the curtain was tied up with one of those curtain-ties. There was clouds in the sky but it looked like the sun was about to break through and shine brightly through that window, and it was also getting hot in the room, so I sat there feeling anxious that soon people are going to want the curtain to be shut if the sun gets too bright and the window to be open if the room gets too hot, and I am sitting next to that window and so would be asked to undo the curtain and open the window. There were quite a lot of people in the room, some of them I didn't know at all because they were from other places in the same company, and I would feel embarrassed if I couldn't get the window open or the curtain undone, and the more I feel nervous, the more I find it difficult to do simple tasks. Thankfully the tutor opened the window and undid the curtain while we had done for a break.

Does anyone else become easily anxious when in a situation where you know that you are the only one who would have to take responsibility of something, which means having to do something (even if it's so simple) in front of lots of people, and worry that you might do it wrong or look nervous and feel stupid? I suppose this type of thing comes from a fear of people judging you.

I am exactly like that too. I think it's because of the lack of executive function and clumsiness and being nervous when people look at me, so when I perform this kind of task it seems I am a complete idiot because I can't do it well and those are considered easy tasks. I avoid it because of that, makes me look like an idiot.

This is due to a fear of people judging you.

Social people (NTs) do not have this issue because them being accepted by the group means more to them than avoiding ridicule/bullying. They would rather put up with being ridiculed for doing it wrong and still be accepted as someone "lower ranking" (as a result of their demonstrated incompetence), than maintain their "integrity/pride" and not be accepted by the group, leaving them turned against you.

But for people with AS, the group belonging is not nearly as strong. This means you would rather maintain your "integrity/pride" and not be accepted by the group.


But in situations as those you describe an internal uncomfortable dilemma and conflict emerges:

Currently you are in a group (just by being surrounded by people). This means you either:

1. Have to take responsibility and possibly be ridiculed by the group (thereby losing some "integrity/pride" by making you more "inferior" in the group).

or

2. Not take responsibility and thereby face a group going against you (because they realize you are not willing to sacrifice your "integrity/pride" for the group). Suddenly, you could feel as if you have a mob of people against you, the outcast, meaning to do you harm by mocking you even more in an attempt to make you "give in" to their group pressure.



There is only one solution to this: by all means, try to avoid people, if possible. If not possible, you have to accept being ridiculed by the group to some degree if you do not want them to turn against you!!

Trust me, what I just explained is the reason why it bothers you to the degree it does. It is because you face possibly being hurt in a deep way.

Joe90 - Yes, I experience that type of anxiety.

For me it is not groundless. As a boy, when I was involved in group activities, e.g. Boy Scouts, I would sometimes get ridiculed for either doing something or not doing something the group or one of it's leaders expected. Social ridicule hurts, so over time I was quite understandably conditioned to be a bit fearful when now placed in similar circumstances.

If I allow it, such a situation can escalate into some degree of meltdown or shutdown.

I get this anxiety too. I was told its social anxiety.. But I don't know if it is. In school I avoided the desk nearest to the door and light switch because if the teacher showed a movie or projected some slides on the wall, they'd always ask the student nearest to those things to "close the door and turn off the lights". I never understood why the teacher couldn't do it but that's besides the point. Either way, I didn't want to be the one that had to get up to do that in front of everyone. So I definitely understand where you're coming from.