I was hurt - now I fear people. What to do?

Post Reply New Topic

I was hurt badly in my former job, where they found out I did not like to be picked on, so that just made them think it was funny, so they did it even more. I was lowest in the work hierarchy (student employee), so I could not defend myself, because everyone agreed that I was not allowed to give back. I tried it once, and they ganged up on me and gave me even more.

This hurt me in a deep way. I fear people now.

Now I feel like I would always prefer to be alone, and when having to communicate, I will only say something after someone else has said something. In that way I can defend myself on beforehand.


I now know I made myself socially vulnerable, but because of my bad social understanding, I did not see it coming. I have learned a lot from this.

How do I regain trust in people? It has been almost 3 months now, and I am still angry and upset about it.


I try to tell myself this is "just another scar" I have gotten in combat, but I cannot seem to change that I do not trust ANY people now (besides my parents).

To me this world is always like being a stranger living in a strange land.
Or like the woman who lived with the gorillas.
Or the man who lived with the grizzly bears.
I can get along with them, make friends with them, but im not one of them
and am prone to being attacked by them. Certain precautions need to be taken.
Certain barriers need to be kept in place. They can only be trusted to a certain extent.
Can enjoy being in their company, but there is always an element of risk involved.

@EzraS:

Maybe this is a bit OT, but have you ever read Stranger In A Strange Land by Heinlein?
It's a bit dated, it was even when I read it 20 or so years ago, but very cool concepts.
Grok the essence!

found the audiobook on YouTube and am listening.
The premise sounds kind of like Tarzan.

For me, the journey was to learn to trust myself that, whatever others say or do, I know how to take care of myself and I will be ok.

Sometimes taking care of myself means speaking up (rare - I'm not that good at confrontation), removing myself from a situation, making a mental note to avoid certain people (just some, not all), or doing whatever exercises I do to get my head back to a happy place.

One of the forms my Asperger's expresses itself is that I am an abuse magnet. I have been advised that people are what they are and are ultimately going to do whatever it is they want to do. So chances are quite good that, try as I might, I will be in hurtful situations from time to time.

The key for me is to trust myself to be able to roll with whatever punches life sends my way. Trust in myself is kind of like a suit of armor that I can don to help me overcome my fear of people.

I would say that increased confidence would help with that
Just see yourself as the authority. Do not be affected by the opinion of fools. I had a boss who liked picking on me, though he was also kind to me. I picked on him as much as he picked on me. He picked on everyone, the only reason he did it to me so much was because I returned it.

In your situation I would have called them something like: the brotherhood of morons. I would give back and if they persisted I would eventually call them a bunch of idiots and tell them to go f*ck off! I also tend to use a lot of sarcasm. The more they see that you are affected the more they will do it. If you look at them as idiots and yourself as wise this teasing will actually seem funny.

If you look down on others you wont actually care what they think. And they wont get a reaction out of you. Don't do it with good people but it is fine if you do it with those who pick on you.

I've been hurt also. I am very timid and quiet anyway, so it made me even more wary of people.

I don't know the perfect solution, but I think you've just got to keep going and keep battling through.

Not everyone is out to get you, there are a lot of good people in the world.

I know what it is like when you feel that you can't trust a soul though.