"The Look"

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So there's this one look, which happens when I do something or say something that turned out maybe not to be the perfect thing an NT would have naturally said, that is enough to make me want to run into the bathroom and cry.

Two NTs look at each other. The corners of their mouths go up or down, and their eyebrows often raise. Sometimes they laugh nervously.

Has anyone else noticed this? Any NTs want to explain why they get so uncomfortable so easily and feel the need to diffuse the tension that way? Because when they do that it really does hurt me and make ME feel super uncomfortable.

I think it reminds me that there is this invisible fibre-optic network between NTs that somehow tunes them into exactly what the expected appropriate thing is to say and do... a network everyone is a part of but me (and possibly other people with ASD). It reminds me of how much I struggle in life, of how excluded I am from the world, of how no matter how successful I become, I will never really be appreciated the way I deserve to be. It reminds me that my friendship will never be something coveted, only something people do to "be nice." It reminds me that I'm essentially a charity case.

And it brings back a flood of emotions - all the depression, the anxiety, the fear, the feeling of being cheated out of a full life.

I know this sounds melodramatic but I was wondering if anyone here experienced this too or has anything to say on the matter.

I don't think it sounds melodramatic. I've had similar experiences. It sucks to be aware enough to pick up that people think you made a gaffe, but not aware enough to have prevented (or even understand after the fact) said gaffe.

I tend to distance myself from people who do that too much around me. I can handle a little joking at my expense...as long as I'm included.

I do like to eventually find people who will explain these things to me. I have more than one person at my current job I feel comfortable asking them to explain those situations (and others) to me.

At my last job, I didn't have anyone to ask and also had a place of authority that made finding that type of help even harder. It was one of the most uncomfortable social situations I have ever been in.

I remember at that job telling someone that I had a second kid and that look you mentioned was exchanged between the person I was talking to and someone nearby. And then, more overtly later, giggling about my "second kid". I still don't have a clue what I said incorrectly. Speaking is so hard for me, experiences like those suck. I eventually made 100% of my interactions at that job in written format and stayed until there was a logical ending time and quit.

Do you ever find people that can "interpret" for you. I have several in my life right now. My favorites are those who admit to not getting it sometimes, too, or who can clearly understand where I'm coming from. If you don't have anyone like that, I'd highly encourage you to keep searching.

I have experienced this many times.

It is when I say something that they ( NTs ) find weird or out of context.

I don't think that what I've said is weird or out of context, however.

I have experienced this many times.

It is when I say something that they ( NTs ) find weird or out of context.

I don't think that what I've said is weird or out of context, however.

I suspect they do it to bond, sort of a "yeah, we both know she's weird, this makes us better friends because we think alike!"

I think they deem me too socially ret*d to actually know what's going on, so they do it really obviously in front of me. And the awkward part is that I totally know what they just did at my expense, in such an exclusive, careless way, and I want to confront them, but I don't see any appropriate way of doing so.

Sometimes I look at each of them straight in the eye, smile (as if I'm about to laugh), and playfully ask, "what?" They respond by either looking at their feet or saying "nothing." Of course there is no way I can nudge further without going into "super-annoying-wheels-stuck-in-the-mud" territory, so I just stop there. That's why I pretty much never do it.

But 95% of the time I don't do anything, and they go on thinking I was too clueless to pick up what I presume was their discomfort-fueled exchange.

Don't overestimate NT's---they're VERY weird at times! They say the wrong thing. They embarrass themselves.

It is more "automatic" with them, though.

Also: Maybe, just at the point of you saying the "wrong thing", NT's aren't joking at your expense; maybe they are sharing a "private joke" among themselves; perhaps, they don't even know you're in the room.

AAA! I know that "Look." Suddenly they aren't your friends anymore - they're conspiring against you, gloating over your inept worthlessness, sympathizing with one another's dismay.