How is this possible?

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I have a friend who was born with classic autism (non-verbal until 6 etc).

I'm not diagnosed with anything yet he is at least 100 times more socially successful than I am. He always appears to never run out of anything to say, and he also seems to use body language effectively - I can't distinguish it from any other individuals that I know. I don't even know if I can read body language. It's not one of those cases where they are making rude remarks without knowing it and getting backstabbed, they are genuinely more popular and seem to have far more 'social' energy than myself and the other close friend that I have.

I don't understand how he manages it, it is literally beyond my comprehension.

Note that I don't even know if I have an ASD, but if you base it off the idea that major sensory issues = necessary for ASD, then I can't have it, which makes this even harder to think about.

Last edited by Norny on 14 Apr 2014, 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Autism is a Spectrum; that's all I can say.

I understand this, but how would he have been diagnosed had social problems not have been evident?

It really seems natural to me.. as in that he isn't 'faking it and making it'. Is it really possible to learn how to almost flawlessly pass as a popular NT? He is literally at the point where it is effortless, naturally him and essentially has turned his social side NT. I read so many posts on this board that claim it isn't possible to pass as NT, especially without energy consumption, yet here it seems to be, in front of my eyes.

I don't understand the border between ASD and NT anymore, they both really seem intertwined into each other in him in a way that I didn't think was possible.

Like someone said above, it is a spectrum, or wide range of conditions. Not all have the same symptoms. And some are very effective at developing compensating techniques. Also different conditions sometimes share some of the same symptoms.

Its not impossible also that your friend is misdiagnosed, while you may have a condition. But in that you should focus on yourself and determine if anything is going on, with self-tests, research, etc. Whether to seek a official diagnosis is a judgement call on your part. In some situations its better not to have an official diagnosis.

Last edited by Toy_Soldier on 14 Apr 2014, 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I, myself, am a mixed bag. I have social problems. I didn't speak until I was 5 years old. Until I spoke, I was probably classically autistic. Then I became Aspergian.

I'm not "officially" diagnosed.

I'm a mixed bag, really. The only way I've gotten better at socialization was through using my COGNITIVE ABILITIES. It didn't come naturally.

I'm known as "eccentric" on my job. I don't like discussing typical "social" topics; I tend to like to discuss history. History is not very popular amongst most NT's.

I've learned to read "body language," "sarcasm," etc over the years. Perhaps I give advice which makes other people on the Spectrum think I'm an NT in disguise.

What I would do is, use your cognition to more effectively socialize--but don't let other people know that you're using that device. I would try to put myself in the speaker's shoes during any discussion. I would IDENTIFY with the other speaker in some way; what is especially effective is when you offer your experiences which pertain to what they state.

Like: "Hey, this happened to me!" And relate the experience. That goes over well with NT's.

I know of an autistic man who will talk your head off and you never get the chance to speak. He says lot of things and also says the same things too. When you look at it, it's basically the same topics. He also seems to have lot of friends too but not in his age range. I think he talks more than me and he isn't even shy and can approach anyone and he is far more severe than I am. I have never met him in real life so I wouldn't know how he appears in public. We have only spoken on the phone.

Does this man you know show any signs of autism? Was he more autistic growing up and now appears normal now?

I read you can be both an autist and an extravert, although I have met few such individuals and personally I have trouble imagining how it could be. (I mean, I don't see any theoretical obstacle, but just I have trouble relating that to my own experience.)

Did you ask your friend about that ? Is he still having some therapy or followup for his autism ? Does he identify himself as autistic and does he thinks that his social communication works differently than most other people (even if it does work) ? Apart from social issues does he have the traits that some autistic persons have (stimming, special interests, sensory issues, routines, etc.) ?

From what you describe, maybe he is very high functioning (at least for social communication), or maybe he was misdiagnosed (I am no expert but I think there are some other conditions that can transiently cause autism-like symptoms)

He has visual sensory issues and what I would call mild alexithymia. He definitely isn't misdiagnosed, but it begs the question: 'What are the real differences between high-functioning autistics and weird NTs?'

I can use my cognition to socialize effectively, and believe me, in fact that's what I am forced to do most of the time. It just sucks, it feels boring, fake and I have no connection to whoever I'm speaking too. That leads to me giving up, and fast. If I'm myself, unless I talk about a topic of interest I literally rinse and repeat through random generating sentences (they tend to follow a pattern) or be the most boring person in the world. I know my friend on the other hand really enjoys it, and he seems to do it naturally. He never really received any therapy (aside from ENT specialist because his hearing used to be hypersensitive) as his parents kept the condition hidden from him.

In contrast with him (at this stage in life), I have no notable major sensory issues such as his visual hypersensitivity and I can cope with change where he can't. Neither of us truly depend on routine, though I have a stronger 'tendency' for sameness. Basically I don't really have anything 'obviously autistic' about me anymore as compared to when I was younger, and that's similar to him, though it isn't really obvious if I have ASD in the first place, whereas he was non-verbal, had meltdowns etc.

Perhaps I'm just an extremely weird NT, and I'm fine with that, but how is that different to being high functioning autistic? How would it make sense that my friend whom has autism is better at me than socializing, coping with workloads, focusing on dis-interests and more.. if I am NT?


As it was begged earlier: 'What are the real differences between high-functioning autistics and weird NTs?'

+ Various people (on this board mostly) claim that natural socialization is they key, though in conjunction with the above and following, that is logically impossible
+ This forum (and the statistics from my survey) have an almost necessity for major sensory issues when it comes to having ASD

+ How does one distinguish body language of NTs from autistics? I don't understand the difference. I always matched their body language to what the person was saying. For example, if they are repeatedly smashing their hands down in a hammer like motion in the air and speaking in an angry tone, I just match that they're expressing their anger with their body. I have no idea if that's right or there are hidden meanings.

There are different levels and types of "body language" - obvious gestures are hard to miss - everybody knows what a frown means, or disapproving crossed arms, but in my experience, it's the subtle, but critical types that I can't even distinguish as present, much less interpret correctly.

When I'm talking to a female, I cannot tell if she's flirting with me, or just making pleasant conversation, unless she rubs up against me or grabs my crotch (both of which have happened on occasion), or begins making overtly sexual remarks. Even such remarks won't clue me in until after the third or fourth one, then I know it's no longer just casual conversation or profane humor.

NT guys however, seem to just naturally know when it's cool to slip their arm around a girl's waist for the first time, or go for the first kiss, without getting pushed away or slapped. How can they tell it's okay? Why NOW, and not ten minutes ago? I'm clueless. I cannot see those kinds of signals, even when I'm looking for them. There is no inner voice, or gut instinct that says "Go for it, it's okay." I know there's a silent language being spoken and read that normal people use to communicate these things, but it's an invisible mystery to me and always has been.

not every person with autism is introverted, some people with autism are extroverted and will try theyre best to adapt in a social situation. my friend Kayleigh is the same way, she has classic autism but seems to adapt better than i can in some ways.

Catagorizing people who do not share your interests as boring and not worth the time, is easy to fall into but will limit the quality and quantity of your life experience in the long run.

Its like talking a walk in the woods reading a paperback as you go. Its sheltering and insulating yourself.

People unlike yourself are not boring. They are just different and you don't get them. If you take the time to find out what they think, why they think that, and share their experiences, you'll see you are just one of many types of fish in the tank.

I feel the same way as you, but I always simply pinned that down to a 'they just have balls and I'm too worried' type of thing.

Extroverted people on the spectrum certainly exist. There are two types that I have seen or read posts from.

First type of extravagant you see posting here all the time They say I hate my Autism I want to socialize, have friends and can't do it. They may give up and present as introvert or even hermit but that does not change there basic strong need for socialization.

The other type may become autism advocates or organize and facilitate support groups. Others I have seen are very hyper and it seems they are so extroverted they are unable to withdraw.