My sons evaluator said he would "NEVER" do these t

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My son fits every category of autism, but he did not show it at the evaluation. Which I can understand their confusion but if you read the report on him it really contradicts itself. For example: For eye contact on the DSM-V he got no point, but twice in the report they say two seperate things like this "Has inconsistent eye contact" and "seems to have a deficit with eye contact" or something similar to that. Then they say he did not show any stim behavior, but during the part of the evaluation when the PT,ST and OT therapists were in the room asking US the parents, questions, he was lining up all the cars and shrieking when his little sister touched them. Though he can be redirected, it still happened briefly. He had THREE transitioning meltdowns but after I interveined he did fine the rest of the time. THough it is stated in his report that he did well with transitioning from room to room. When I sat down with the lady and told her he HAS these issues and they get better and they get worse and that I work on him all day all the time at home, she told me "Children with Autistm will NEVER do what your son does, he is NOT autistic."

Let me give a little background. I am autistic. I have feelings, I point and ask questions. She told me that Autistic people/children "NEVER" learn to do it and he does it so naturally. I am a stay at home mom, I would rather spend a day with my children than doing other womenly/housewifey things. I put my time into my children and not in a sargent military way, but a fun, hands-on learning kind of way. I not only teach my son to "use his words" but I GIVE him words too use in situations. I "teach" by doing. I correct and show him when he is being appropriate and instead of degrating his actions or words, I explain why "people" do not find it appropriate or "okay". He is guided through everyday with me and I have a best friend bond with him and an authoritive bond. I have background in child development and IT IS MY SPECIAL interest so I devote much of my life too child development and I even was able to teach for 10 years as a preschool teacher. I know how to get the most intolerable children to listen and cooperate. I know I helped my son. It even showed when I was in the room.

Another example:
My son wanted bubbles so he was climbing the sink to get to them (in her earlier statement that is what an autistic 3 year old would do,not ask and just do) but because it is normal for me to help him and teach him, I said "Oh my (SON) why are you climbing?" He said "Bubbles, Bubbles, I want the bubbles" I told him, "We cant just take those bubbles because they are the ladys bubbles. We need to ask her if we can use them. Ask the lady when she gets back. Say "May I have the bubbles please?". So when she got in I said, "Here she is, ask her" He fiddled with his shirt and looked at her, pointed to the sink and said "May I please have the bubbles?". She said "SEE,Something like that an child with autism would NEVER do". I told her I have taught him too. I take him places, especially when he was having so many meltdowns I formed "safety places" where we always went on the same days together. I taught him to be out and around other people, but I did it to help him. I did it and had fun. It was NOT easy, and it was stressful and exhausting, but he was worth my energy and my time AND in the end, it is now something we do together for fun. She never asked me HOW I taught him, or what I did for him. She simply told me if he was autistic he would never learn to do that (point) and he would never learn to ask someone things.

Then while her and I were talking about his papers, my son climbed up mats and, again, was helping himself. She was like "Hey, get down, you cant do that" My son cried a bit and said "I want the airplane" (his obsessive interest since a year old) she told him to follow her and he started to throw a fit because he wanted a plane. She told him she would find more airplane puzzles for him. He hesitated but he really wanted the airplane puzzle in the box. He did follow her, she found a puzzle and I could see his face slowly turning into a frown as she showed him all the puzzles she had and none were the airplane. Then the last one was a puzzle of airplanes and he grabbed it and was happy.

Yes, I see how good he is, but I prepare him for everything. When he kept having the tantrums when we were their last time for the evaluation, I kept saying we will see "more" toys, as that is not what completely worked, it was the excitement and his trust in me. So I think when the lady said "more" it triggered a sense of trust. JUST a hopeful guess.

Now I do not think I taught him to point, I think he new how to do that himself, BUT he was very late with it. He did not start till he was almost a year and a half. The typical age for gesturing is 8-12months. He did not say hi or goodbye or wave... nothing. So I guess what I am trying to get at is... is the lady right? Or did my atypical parenting really help him improve in some areas? The lady told me to focus more on being a mom. That upset me because I am a better mom, I think, than most parents. Instead of having him form to what I want him to be, I help guide him and teach him that what he does and likes is okay. I have seen that ABA therapy through online things, I have seen other therapys they do with autistic children. They, In MY opinion, would never have helped me,maybe a bit on the surface but not fully. Flashcards and bribes. Thats all I see in those therapies. They structure everything so its more like work, than of any interests to the child. When my son was going through stim behaviors like lining things up, spinning, and his spit stage. I encouraged them and tried to be apart of it instead of take him out of it. I found that the more I became apart of his world, the more I was let in, till the point he now NEEDS me to play with him. When he plays WITH me,his imagination growns and he gets new material. When he plays without me, he gets STUCK in his repatitions and his play becomes just moving his row of planes from one area of the house to the next. I may sound over egotistic, but what do you guys think of my parenting style?

Do you think it could have helped him be "believably typical" on the surface?

Is it possible he was never autistic but just went through an "autstic" phase?

Because I can do all these things, does that make my diagnosis unrealistic and am I NOT autistic?

Is there something YOUR parents could have done differently that you think would have helped you "learn" to adapt more?

Do you have any questions for me as to what I did for him for the last two years?

I was teaching him through experience of growing up. I knew exactly what I was seeing and I delayed it so long, that by the time he got tested it doesnt show. At home, it still does. In public places that are different, it still does show, especially when I do not prepare him, its a nightmare and he spends most of the time YELLING at the children to go away and get off of things in a public playplace. I dont WANT him to be autistic as much as I feel the lady (who "helps" autistic children) is WRONG about our abilities and what we can and cant do as individuals. Someone told me she would probably feel threatened professionally if it was true that my techniques really worked and he really was autistic. So in the end. he is Boarderline autsitic and they are WATCHING him yearly. They want me to put him in school to see how he does socially.

Thank you for anyone who reads this. It has been in my mind for many weeks now.

I would NOT trust an evaluator who says "never" about a child's behavior indicating a possible disability. Especially with autism because it's a spectrum! Of course people with autism can learn how to behave socially and communicate with others. I'm not surprised your son was able to ask questions because you helped him learn. Children with autism are still children and thus fully capable of learning from their parents, especially from parents who put the effort in like you do.

I'm not a parent but I do ABA therapy with a severely autistic girl twice a week. Although she is not very verbal, she does know how to request things. Her favorite is "I want M&Ms please." The ABA therapy helps her but it's not "strict ABA" like you described. I don't stop her from stimming because I know it's necessary sometimes to focus. I try to make ABA fun for her, too. She smiles when I come so at least she doesn't dislike it.

I really think you need to get another evaluation with someone who has a lot of experience with autistic children and understands that it is a spectrum disorder. If he is even mildly autistic, the more early intervention you can get, the better.

yay

I think the worse thing you can do for anyone who has autism is to stop or discourage the use of our stim behavior. I was forced as a child to hide mine because I was called a "ret*d" by my father and eventually children at school too. I found suttle ways to do it but as my meltdowns seemed to progress as I got older I look back now and see why. After talking to my current psychotherapist, she told me to DO IT. If I have to do it just find a spot I am comfortable with and let go. Since I have met her and she has reminded me of things that make me feel good, my meltdowns have decreased dramatically in the last three or so months. People try so hard to take things away from people with autism. To make them "socially acceptable" without realizing we do things with a PURPOSE! This lady who evaluated him even told me to look at her because I was looking away trying to catch all the information she was throwing at me. She completely embarrassed me. All I was doing was trying to retain the information she was giving me so I could relay it back to my sons father. If thats how she treats children with Autism than I can see why HER children NEVER do things. I do not know her qualifications. I know that she works at All Childrens Hospital which is a really big deal Hospital. You would think she would understand that not all children are the same regardless of disability. We can learn many things, and most autistic people are VISUAL learners, so it ONLY makes sense to do things AS-YOU-GO Not sit them down with flashcards and sit at a circle table with toys THEY picked out for the day. The create a learning environment ment for robots I think. I do not know completely how they do things, each program is different. But I have never seen them teach social anything through play. I saw a few clips on the internet of a group of 6-10 year olds learning social rules on a projector screen. REALLY? No, I learn by doing, my son learned by doing. It just seems so weird that someone without autism can tell me what not only my son is capable of, but she is speaking to ME as well. She is a Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner. She said my son was too easy going. She was very rude and smug and even said "oh, so you have a degree?" but I can catch sarcasm, even if its a few days later. I am glad you allow your child to stim and severe Autism is hard because the children are harder to read they are so far in their own way and wants. Just know this. I believe my son can trust others because he has learned he can trust me. I have never changed my disciplines, never changed a promise, and never changed a routine without his knowledge and involvement. I do not believe that help comes from multiple people in multiple areas, I believe it STARTS with ONE person they can trust everything with, and then it goes from their. The greatest feeling is watching them "come out of their shell" and relying on you because they know they can. Good luck and I wish the best for that little girl. Be that person she can trust. Parents are not always good at doing it so its gotta start somewhere!

I agree with everything you said in general (not just the part I quoted), and honestly this person doesn't seem to know or understand much about autism, nor how to interact with people (including children) with autism. In addition she embarrassed you (what she did to you was really rude), personally I would not go back, I would find someone else, who is more qualified, and more understanding.