Feeling as though you are not free...

Post Reply New Topic

To be an individual. Anyone experience this?

Of course! Society has so many rules about how people should look and behave, like you should stop playing with toys or doing things children like to do when you're an adult. I was so excited when I first started taking my son to the park and the ball pool. Having small children gives you an excuse to do fun things with them that people would frown upon if you did alone as an adult. I love ball pools, bouncy castles and swinging on the swings in the park

Also I think society dictates how we should dress. I often find myself wearing uncomfortable clothes when I go out. It annoys me how people mock others who choose not to follow fashion and be different. If someone wants to dye their hair pink and wear a Tshirt with a chihuahua motif they should be able to without being ridiculed but that's not the case in this society and it's sad. Too many people are overly concerned with how others look. Maybe if they were happy in their own lives they wouldn't notice.

You're only as bound as the chains you attach to yourself.

I feel too free. Six years of almost constant isolation has done that for me, I have had no one close in my life who I care about (outside my family), thus nobody important to me that I care what they think of me. Now I am peeking my head out of the door and having a little paddle in the vast ocean that is human society I am having a few problems. Honesty is my main one, I have been way, way to honest with people in more ways than one. I have shocked, upset, distressed and offended people when I really had no intention to, in some cases what I wanted was quite the opposite. I need a handler, someone to tame me while I adapt to the silly rules of formalities that people have and expect.

One of the great things about the hippie years in the mid to late '60s and into the '70s is that we were all much more free in what we could wear. I miss those days.

A few years ago I bought some '60s clothes at a thrift shop for the blind. They were great but I did get some strange looks while wearing them.

I must admit, though, that I was never a big fan of bell bottoms.

You are absolutely free to be an individual. But other people are equally free to dislike you for it. That is the nature of freedom. Clashes are inevitable because not everybody approves of the same thing but in order for there to be freedom, everybody must also be free to express their disaproval.

Why use the example of dislike janissy without balancing it out with something positive such as people are also free to like you for it?

Are you trying to tell me something?

PN I am not talking about people disliking me for being an individual I am talking about everyone trying to change me into something I don't want to be or labelling everything I do as a maifestation of some disorder (whether it is related to a disorder or not).

Ie

If they disagree with my point of view they argue that my mental health disorder or Aspegers (if I even have it, which they called a mental illness) is stopping my ability to understand the issue and I am incorrect. Thereby using my disorder to invalidate my point of view as a result.

Insisting that my interests in the paleo lifestyle (becuaes it has improved my health) is some sort of OCD and nothing more than an unhealthy obsession and I should go back on the standard western diet again.

My tendency to be studious and to like to work hard at things so that I become very good at them over time is put down to some obsession and my introversion is seen as being depression.

In other words I am not allowed to be a healthy eating introvert intellecutal or creative type without it being a disorder causing my problems because I am not an extravert who spends my whole day doing drugs and partying...

I don't feel like I am allowed to be an individual without society insisting that it's just an illness I have that needs to be treated, changed or medicated.

I can't even fart without it being put down to some kind of mental illness.

I wouldn't mind but I spend my days eating healthilly and studying. I used to want to help people but as I no longer wish to get involved with them (Years of abuse combined with finding that my attempts to pass on a kinder, more forgiving, more egalitarian way of thinking to them alongside openly talking about how I successfully overcame addiction in an attempt to inspire others to do the same and to belive in themselves failed and back fired on me) I have moved away from subjects like psychology to art and music instead (learning to play piano, learning to play flute, learning to draw and paint with acrylics).

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I am not violent, I don't commit crimes, I do avoid humans but is becuase I am generally happier when I am on my own (with a few exceptions) than when I am being pressured by company to be something I am not to fit in socially. This is not about not adhering to social rules such as being polite, listening to people talk, having two way conversations...I am talking about not being allowed to enjoy learning, being mocked because I don't drink, being bitched at because I won't take drugs, being accussed of things I have not done becuase someone is upset that I practiced hard and became better than them at something and so on...

Yet I am treated by society as though it is some kind of illness.

I have my reasons (and they are jusified given the treatment I have been given in life) for disliking the human race in general (not always the individual...some individuals I like). I know people don't like my opinions sometiems but I won't be forced to say:

All people are intelligent...they are not, some are but many simply are not.
That all pepole are kind...some are but again many are not.
That every one with low self esteem and depression etc is a nice person who just does not believe in themselves....this is not always true, having a mental illness does not by default make a person kind or nice.

And so on and so forth.

The world is quite simply becoming ridiculous in it's pursuit of perfection and is quite frankly losing its damned mind....! This obsession with the human ego has gone too far, we are no longer allowed to be honest and have to lie left right and center as a result.

Pretending that some help or advice that was given was brilliant when it was quite frankly dangerous, ill-informed or so poorely thought out it will do more harm than good in the long run all in the name of feeding the persons ego. If you try to tell them, even gently, that the advice they offered is not suited to you they go off the rails about it and accuse you of all sorts including of not wanting to help yourself.

They clearly don't understand the situation but you are not allowed to put them right or correct them. You have to tell them they are right when they are wrong even if doing so is detrimental to you (what do people think I am Saint freaking bumble? If I am expected to jeopardise my own welfare and wellbeing for the sake of someone else's ego I want to be cannonised or something...I am just not that perfect!)

People are so afraid of failure they even had to make the education system easier for them so that they got higher grades and didn't feel so bad about themselves (doesn't count if they made it easier for them, I just take that in to consideration when looking at someone's academic gains).

People don't know how to cope with losing either.

You are forced to say these people are sensitive when in actual fact they are not sensitive at all, they are simply insecure.

It's insane.

I won't condone what I disagree with regardless of how many people feel the need to bring me to task or slap me down for it. But apparenlty I am not allowed to give my opinion without being abused (verbally or even physically for it).

I don't think I have any rights to freedom in this society...at all.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmZv5ND2YuI[/youtube]

I love bouncy castles. In fact, I love them so much I even own one myself. I'm surprised that adult don't realize the health benefits of using/playing in one of these. You get the absolute best cardio workout in the world. I have tried just about every cardio workout out there and nothing compares to the cardio workout you get from having a full blown stim-fit in a bouncing castle. Even just jumping up and down in one of these things is still far better then using a trampoline or any other conventional cardio workout.

I don't know about ball pools. I've never played in one before, but I used to fix arcade machine at the local Chuck E, Cheese and I would watch the guys clean the ball pool out after closing time and to see all the discussing stuff that accumulates at the bottom of the pool. I'm glad I never did get into one of those. BTW: they removed it years ago when they remodeled the place.

AFA: The swings go. I have never had anyone look down on me for using a swing at the park. But I live here in America so I don't know what the cultural differences are in the UK regarding that.

Because if they were liking you for being just exactly how you are, you wouldn't have made this post. People only make this genre of complaint when others are either rejecting or trying to alter that individual expression.

What I'm trying to tell you is that people disapproving, not liking, or trying to change you does not impinge on your freedom to be an individual. It definately impinges on your relationships with them but that's not the same as freedom. They are free to attempt to interact with you in their preferred way and you are free to accept or reject that interaction.

You are free to do all those things and they are free to try to talk you out of it (although you don't have to interact with them if you don't want to) and judge you. You are exercising your freedom and they are exercising theirs.


You aren't forced to. You have the freedom to call them insecure. You just did right now. If you say it to them directly they are free to counter back with some retort.




You have the exact same freedoms they do. You can say whatever you want right back at them. If anything they do is illegal (such as abusing you physically) you should report this to the police.

You can't control how other people react to you. But then again, they can't control how you react to them.

You can be more free if you focus less on what other people want you to be.

I went to the library to ask about a voluntary position there and mistakenly told them about awiating an assessment for aspergers. I had to briefly explain some of my issues and mentioned that I am the type that would rather study than go out to loud parties, doing drugs or getting drunk (because I actually prefer learning and writing essays over that kind of activity, I enjoy it more). When I mentioned my preference for studying over parties she replied with "well that could be shyness".

I know she didn't mean any harm but actually shyness has nothing to do with it, it has more to do with introversion although she is right in the sense that it may have nothing to do with being caused by Aspergers...not everyone who likes sturdying is autistic. What upset me was that shyness is seen as being something that needs to be cured in this society. Implying my love of learning is because of shyness, implies that it is some kind of defect that needs to be removed or eradicated.

I don't think I will mention my social difficulties next time I ask about volunteering. I actually wanted to volunteer as I need a reference. I don't have any that are upto date as I have been out of work for too long now. Sooner or later I want to be able to get some kind or job or return to University to finish my archaeology degree...I need referrences for either. Anyway it went down hill after I mentioned the aspergers stuff and I need references to get a volunteer position, so I registered on a local course at an adult education center instead (BTec art and design) that should provide me some kind reference if I stick with it to the end (its only one day a week).

It's just that implying its shyness means its something society is going to try and fix, that is if any support services see it that way. I am really not sure about continuing on with the assessment for Aspergers as a result. I simply love learning things (when I am physically well enough) and prefer to do that over partying and don't wish for people to change that about me. I had hoped to find people who would accept it instead. If getting support in any shape or form (whether it be getting assessed for an ASD or going back to a CBT therapis) is going to try to change that about me I'd rather not bother.

I will only end up resenting the world and any friends I make for keeping me away from that which I truly love. I won't be grateful to them for it.

I did not think I did,

but someone mentioned not being able to play childish games. I still love playing with sand, like making things, but if I were to go to this farm I like to go to, playing in the sand would look really strange, lucky I am not male because unfortunately I would then be taken for a possible child predator which Is much more serious.

I also still like games like hide and seek, blind mans bluff, but try finding anyone who wont think its really strange that I want to do that.

one of the big ones is that at Easter there are Easter egg hunts we do with all the family, my family want me to hide the eggs, but I still want to be the one searching for them, but apparently I am too old for that, the only ones that look for them are cousins that are under 9 years old.