Diagnosis later in life

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Hello Everyone,

It's been a rather sobering day. At 37 years old, I've finally been officially diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder. I cannot say that I'm entirely surprised as it is something I've long suspected since I've been unable to hold on to a job for very long (not due to laziness or lack of intelligence.) I definitely don't want to lead an unproductive life but I need a career where I can go in to work, do my job, and leave - an environment with as little stress and social interaction as possible. Does such a career exist?

Is there anyone else out there in a similar boat to me with a diagnosis later in life? It would help me greatly to hear that other people have adapted and overcame.

Thank you,
Matt

My husband was diagnosed Asperger's at 53.

The diagnosis saved our marriage. It still isn't easy, but we are working on it together.

He took early retirement at work. He had a huge meltdown at work, and scared his coworkers. This was right around when a supposed Asperger diagnosed person shot up his work place. So the company bought him out. We could have fought it legally, but that would be money down a rat hole with no end in sight.

If nothing else, at least you know your limitations, and what you really need in a work llace setting.

I wish my husband was diagnosed at 37.

Welcome, Matt!

I spent my adult life searching for that elusive job where I could just do my work free of "meetings," "reports" and "planning." It wasn't until later that I realized that the film-projection jobs I had during college were exactly what I wanted (projectionists are usually the ONLY person at a theatre who knows how to do his work, so even the managers just leave the projectionist alone). It was a job that required precision (start times, focus, volume), and any extra work (extended maintenance and repairs) could be done at night or early morning when no one else was even there. Unfortunately, most theatres today don't use film, but project high-resolution DVDs. I can't say that I overcame my Asperger's Syndrome characteristics, but I did adapt.

But, I suspect that every generation has well paying jobs with little or no oversight.

Thank you for your response, David. I'm actually thinking about becoming a truck driver simply because the pay is decent and I'm not stuck in an office.

A truck driver or a delivery driver is a great job for an Aspie I think.

I started a wholesale bakery in the late '70's. Making carrot cakes and delivering to restaurants in Washington, D.C. I ended up with 80 restaurants, and did at least half of the deliveries myself. It was a perfect job. People loved to see me coming with my cakes, and perhaps new samples. But I learned Washington... and later Northern Virginia, and Baltimore like the back of my hand.

Thank you very much for sharing your story and for sticking by your husband. You are a wonderful person, better than you probably realize. I'm in absolute love with a very special woman. It was very hard for me to break the news to her that I have ASD. When I broke the news, I was shocked to find that she wasn't surprised and she said, "I love you because you're kind, generous, and loyal." I broke out into tears of relief and this was the first time she'd ever seen me tear up. I think this might have brought us closer together. I think had Amanda walked out on me, I would've been significantly hurt, possibly devastated. The gift of Amanda's acceptance is priceless. Your gift of acceptance of your husband is likewise, beyond words. Thank you for cheering me up.

I don't always feel like such a good person, and there are chunks of time I really hate Asperger's. Note it's the syndrome I can't stand, not my husband.

But when I get into that pity party for one, I do a gratitude list of all the good qualities my husband has. It saves me from screaming about his nonexistent executive functioning skills. Yes he has no clue how to do any house work, but he is good with our kid. I would like him to be more naturally aware in social situations, but he is honest to a fault, and generous with time and money.

Life is a bunch of trade offs.

I'm certainly not perfect either.

If there was only one thing I could change would be the ruminating about past wrongs that happened to him. They are as fresh as if they happened yesterday. It's a negative Mobius strip in his head, and it just drains him.

When I heard the diagnosis, there was a profound relief and I cried for 30 minutes. I was so happy my husband's unhappiness wasn't all on me. (I know that doesn't make sense). The whole world was making him miserable, but he lashed out at me. So I got the brunt of the meltdowns at home, with no clue what was causing them.

So yeah, the diagnosis helped.

I know I wish everyday that I were normal and I wouldn't wish ASD on my worst enemy. I can only imagine how difficult it is sometimes for you as well. I don't know where life will take me right now - anything can happen.

The psychiatrist that did my evaluation is working on getting me some vocational and occupational help. In the mean time, he is looking into getting me some short term assistance while I pick up the pieces of my life and start over, yet again. It really is what it is. I count my lucky stars that there are people like you out there. For folks with any disability, the world can be an adversarial place.

I feel the strong urge to lash out at those closest to me but it's lashing out "through" rather than at them. With age and wisdom, I'm at least able to find other outlets for this and I express frustration in written words in a personal diary. It's funny, but I've found the private diary to be more relieving than yelling and screaming. I can actually read what I write and begin to feel better.

I'm an optimist by nature, it's what has prevented me from suicide. Things can and will improve.

I found early on in the Army that if you were assigned latrine duty (cleaning the bathroom) very few people would bother you. I later fond that working third shift was an advantage because few people even knew who you were.

However, I also found that no matter how good the working environment is, it will change. You may get a few years, but often companies shake things up. You may have to begin your search again.

I was diagnosed in my forties. Think I'm more lucky than a lot of people in that I can get through meetings, but I just cant stand them and the thought of them stresses me out beforehand. If you've got the interest and can learn it, I'd recommend computer progamming. Yes theres the occasional need for some interaction, but theres also loads of individual time working the coding through by yourself.

After years of torturing myself with retail and customer service jobs that all burned out in flames for me, I finally chose a line of work that a lot of people pity, unfortunately, but it works for me -- self employed housecleaning. Society seems to feel sorry for people who clean other people's houses. But it's the one and only thing I've actually stuck at for years now, because it fulfills many of the typical spectrum needs of solitude, being left to get on with one's work, minimal "boss" interference, and zero interaction with co-workers (there aren't any) and petty office politics and socializing (there aren't any).

Of course, it's not intellectually or creatively fulfilling. But I get those needs met in my free time, with my interests and hobbies. And there is also a simple pleasure in the methodical and orderly nature of the work, creating order out of chaos is rewarding in a small way, especially when it's someone else's stuff and not your own.

The only issues are that you have to get lucky with the right clients/customers. You gather a roster of standing appointments, one for each day of your working week, and as long as those people happen to be always out at work while you're in their homes, this job is a breeze for someone who wants to be alone to work and then just get to leave and go home. This job is the epitome of "show up, do my work, and go."

I've known of guys who do this for a living too, interestingly.

It can be very tiring physically. And if the economy is bad and the only clients you can get hold of are people who are home all day, have an interfering nature, etc, then you do get some of the old workplace problems back in your life. In those cases, I have indeed run into social difficulties and fallen out with the person. Or been driven mad by them. At the moment I'm working for a family who always make for a full house and complete chaos and I'm contemplating quitting them, as they are everything that's worst about my job. But mostly I've managed to find clients who aren't home, aren't in my way, and just want to come home to a house that's already been cleaned and I'm long gone.

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