NT consoling vs Aspie Assistance

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Whenever somebody is upset, from what i can see NTs mostly just want to pat them on the back and make them stop crying whereas an Aspie will try to suggest possible solutions to the persons problems. We're far more practical and helpful.

Has anyone else found this to be true?

Not really sure that is always the way it works, also sometimes people need a pat on the back more than a bunch of advice/suggestions thrown at them, sometimes people more need advice/suggestions more than a pat on the back. Sometimes they need a bit of both, whether it's neurotypicals or people with autism.

My ex partner used to get very angry at me when i would try to offer suggestions to her problems and she would say "All I want is for you to comfort me!" ???

I don't actually agree. There are many NT's who want more than pats on the back or little comforting words.

I'm more the pat-the-back type. My NT wife hates that! She wants me to cry with her when she cuts her finger.

I agree. No matter how hard my relationships get I feel I owe it to everyone to remain a part of their lives.

I think, maybe, Aspies are more often better consolers, maybe----but, I also think it depends on the NT. Sometimes the more bad experiences a person has, the better consoler they are, IMO----BUT, sometimes the more bad experiences someone has, the LESS better they are at consoling, cuz they don't wanna go to that "bad place" again (for instance, when a drug abuser needs help, an ex-drug abuser won't help them).

I've seen NTs do both. I've seen people on this forum do both. Not sure if either group really prefers one type of response over the other. I think people in general try to "fix" things rather than letting someone be.

I prefer to commiserate.

Same here. I pin it down to personalty. I am someone who will try and fix something or I just listen if I don't have anything to offer or if I know they are just venting and don't want a solution.

I've learned to try to see if they need words, comfort or just an ear. But I still get it wrong at times.

This is a split that is stereotypically assigned men and women. Men are supposed to irritate the women in their lives by offering seemingly practical solutions when listening sympathetically was all that was wanted.

It doesn't seem to me to be an NT/ASD thing, but I am not very perceptive in his area.

My non-ASD wife does often want sympathetic listening and I often mistake this as looking for solutions to a problem. But that's just my family. I can't extrapolate and I have no idea how this works for other people.

^Agree that it's generally considered as an issue between genders (how it's typically understood, the "Mars vs. Venus" thing).
Though of course these sorts of misunderstandings can happen between any two people (or groups), regardless of demographics.

Awkward as it may seem, I try to ask the person (easier if it's someone with whom I'm already close, so they know how I am):
"What do you want/need (from me) right now, in this situation ?"

To get at whether I would better assist him/her by brainstorming ideas of an action to take,
or by saying sympathetic things ("That must be really painful for you") and just "being there" (not running away, not blaming the person, etc.).

Usually, yes. I've met a few NTs who describe themselves as not good with empathy and more the type to offer constructive advice, but even they view themselves as a different sort and recognize that most people aren't going to like what they have to offer.

... And yes, they have all been men. I've seen many men who are good at consoling others, though.