I am so confused.

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At fifteen, I was initially diagnosed with clinical depression. I do remember my father telling the psychiatrist at the time that I was socially difficult and a "monster" since I was in kindergarten. Apparently other kids didn't like me, their parents had a word with my parents about how I wasn't to hang out with their children, and the teacher and several others after that had my parents sit down for a conference, during which they were told I should be seen by a proper specialist. My mother was too embarrassed to go through that, so my parents did not seek out help when I was young.

At sixteen, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

In college (twenty-two), I was diagnosed with PTSD, although the university psychiatrist and my counselor were at odds with each other as to whether I legitimately had bipolar disorder.

Get a waitressing job out of college. Was asked by manager if I had Asperger's. It had never occurred to me, nor did I look up more information to see if this was a possibility. At the time, it was still in the DSM, but it was not seriously considered by my psychiatrist. He was more concerned with my bouts of sleeplessness, even though these bouts have been very productive. I like to obsessively map out projects and over an extended time I do complete most if not all of the tasks I've set out for myself. He thought this was troublesome for some reason, though this did help me complete college in four years, work, and cope with some personal issues that were going on my last year at the university. Even though I had the grades and test scores to realistically consider applying to some prestigious law schools, he thought this indicated narcissism (my mother is a very sick person and I think she likely has NPD). When I did bring in letters at an appointment to show that I did "get in", he seemed more pissed off than apologetic.

I guess my manager at the restaurant was concerned about my sensitivity to loud noises. He commented on my not having served tables before, but that I didn't write down people's orders and was able to accurately input them by memory (most of the time). I only thought this was something you are supposed to do if you are to receive tips for good service. I did get highly irritated when more than one table demanded my attention. I thought I was given unrealistic expectations and sometimes the guests would tick me off with stupid questions or comments.

I now work in a cubicle space where I collect and analyze data, as well as do a lot of writing. Things I'd do that my mother would adamantly chastise me for were apparent to my two coworkers. I clench my teeth when anxious and even grind them. I sometimes make facial grimaces, but only recently has it been enough to cause concern. I get up out of my chair often and sometimes walk laps around the entire office space (where other cubicles are). I do blow up at people who I think should have no excuse to ask stupid questions or do things I find stupid. I have gone to several therapists and I am not happy with them. I used to take medications for bipolar disorder that made me overweight. I would rather not take any medicine, but Prozac seems to do me some good.

I am currently taking time off before I attend law school next year. I chose not to go after graduating due to some extenuating circumstances I don't want to discuss. However, I guess my behavior and interpersonal deficiencies prompted a coworker to urge me to get appropriate help or recognize that my problems may be bigger than I had thought. He also suggested that my lack of eye contact when people talk about things I see as pointless was not good, as well as my short fuse.

I feel pretty unsure of myself lately. The coworker said that I may have the ability to complete law school, but if I am a terrible lawyer, than what is the point? I'm not even sure about what I have. I do have my interests, and I do things that most others don't think are "fun" (I like to read and write. Though I have no intention of pursuing a graduate degree, I think it would be cool to have multiple publications of some sort. I already have two published articles as well as a book review. But I've learned things like that are pointless to employers, and higher education upsets me to where I don't want to work in that field).

I decided to come here after two people who claimed to be diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum told me they thought I had it too. I don't really know if pursuing a formal diagnosis would help me given my professional goals, but my mannerisms and social anxiety have negatively impacted my ability to have good friendships and be taken seriously at work.

Hehe. I was an office secretary during college and could rattle off the contact information (names, addresses, ZIP Codes and telephone numbers for all our suppliers; about 100 of them) when the other office staff asked. Soon after, they stopped using their Rolodexes and just asked.

So much of your message is quite familiar to me, except that nobody ever suggested Asperger's Syndrome to me (I was in college when AS was first discussed in the United States).

Getting an AS diagnosis can be good and bad for anyone. There are some legal and governmental reasons to seek one, and other reasons to avoid one, especially if you are an adult.

Anyway, welcome!

You sound like you could be on the spectrum but I'm not sure no one oon,ine can make a formal diagnosis

That said that psych sounded like a jerk and you know an idiot to be honest.


As for getting mad at people you see as stupid, try to remember they have diffrent experiences and what not and doing the best they can and are better approached by calmly educating them ......or avoiding them honestly :/


When people ask stupid questions it can be hard to but try to remember they generally have good intentions. Don't know and are intrested in learning


Then there are those that aren't and you have to just avoid them. Just remember not everyone know the things you know or thinks the way you do


And when all else fails it's ok to just remember people a an be really stupid and gove yourself a break from dealing with so much stupid




That said welcome to the forum

as a person with undiagnosed asperger's which ruined my medical career (11 years of post high school school; great. real life; not so much), i would caution you about going into a profession where you'll be judged by your social skills.

in medicine, having articles published is something to be desired. probably also true for law. if you are so far above average that your social skills can be overlooked (like house), that would be another story.

Could you elaborate? Were you a doctor? Why do you think you have Asperger's even though it is undiagnosed?

My boss never said it straight to my face about how my mannerisms were off. She had told my coworker she was concerned, and he imparted it to me. I also put my hand over my mouth a lot and apparently I didn't make eye contact a lot when interviewing. I had no clue.

My coworker has told me I've improved in that when I give presentations or talk to people, I make eye contact with them. However, when people talk to me and it seems they're being redundant, or talking about things that aren't urgent, per se, I at first engage, then "check out." I lose eye contact and it's obvious I'm not "engaged" with the person speaking. I can see how this would be problematic.

I don't think I am above average to where the social skills can be overlooked. I think that I've had to do a lot more to give my employing agency reason to keep me, although in the back of my mind I think they're just holding onto me out of pity. They've never told me I was a bad employee or that I was incompetent. It's just the "people skills" and "impatience" thing.

i was an MD specializing in internal medicine. i sent you a PM about exactly how i lost my license due to AS. names of people and hospitals are changed to protect the guilty. if i had any sense about how to navigate hospital politics, i'd still be practicing.

i'm fairly sure i have AS. my nephew was diagnosed, so i read about AS and found myself described. i think my dad had it, too. i also used the criteria that docs use via the following test:

www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

some of the other commonly used tests come out equivocal for me, but i'm 58 and have had a lifetime to learn to compensate. for example, i learned to be passable at small talk at 50. i used to stare at people, but got enough negative feedback that i usually catch myself before i make anyone uncomfortable.

i stim, but usually when i am alone. i always have to sleep on my right side in fetal position with a thick comforter exactly up to my chin, a sheet separating my facial skin from the roughness of the comforter.

Yours is a fascinating slant on Asperger's Syndrome and its diagnostic methods. I wonder if you believe that, because of your compensation skills (or anyone's), that you or they still have AS or not. Some diagnosticians, as you probably know, believe that adult-AS compensations negate the characteristics that are compensated. In other words, some diagnosticians believe that a diagnosis requires a lack of functionality among certain characteristics, and believe conversely that the existence of functionality (even if it is through compensation or masking) defines the absence of AS and, as such, no diagnosis. Do you?

Last edited by AspieUtah on 23 Aug 2014, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i feel i still have AS, compensated AS. it also resulted in me not getting married during my child-bearing years, though i dated a lot and wanted marriage and children. if something keeps you from being biologically successful, i'd call that a significant disability.

Exactly. Thanks.

matchingblues, have i answered your questions? btw, blue is my favorite color.

Thank you. You have answered my questions very well. I remember sending the link you shared to my boss (we were all just having a general conversation. I think it had to do with autism and overdiagnosis in some parts of the city), and she dismissed it. She said there was no way to test for Asperger's, there actually IS no test for Asperger's, but there are so many holistic factors needed to be considered for a proper diagnosis. It's kind of a "fashionable" diagnosis, she thinks. She's the type who thinks that if you can hold a job, do your tasks, pay your bills, and live on your own, you don't need the diagnosis. Bring up Bill Gates and Asperger's, and she'll give you a lecture on why you wouldn't want to be as successful as Bill Gates.

I think it's just my odd sense of humor and mannerisms that throws her off. But she's never been "creeped" out by me. Just noted that when I first started working there, I couldn't look at her when she spoke to me and she didn't know whether I was listening. She also asked my coworker if he thinks I'm aware that I bolt out of my seat randomly and do laps around the workspace. See, it's not my boss that I have issues with, but the other people we come into contact with as part of my job.

It isn't often that you meet other autistics, especially in the workplace. I worry for this about myself when I am older.