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JWS
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24 Aug 2014, 1:17 pm

Have you ever been accused of lying about something you knew you were telling ONLY the truth about?
Hurts, doesn't it? :(


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RobertLovesPi
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24 Aug 2014, 1:43 pm

I would be more likely to react to an accusation of lying with anger, rather than by feeling hurt. I see this as directing hostility in the correct direction -- toward the person who is wrong. However, this situation rarely comes up, for I have a reputation for honesty.

The funny thing is the reason I have this reputation. I am a terrible liar, meaning that, if I tried to lie, it would immediately be obvious to almost anyone that I was being dishonest. Given that, it would be stupid for me to attempt to deceive anyone, so I avoid doing it. It is my understanding that many Aspies, and others on the autism spectrum, share the trait of honesty, although for different reasons. I think many of us simply don't understand why anyone would want to lie in the first place.

The flip side of this, however, is that many of us can be easily deceived by people who do lie. I find lie-detecting to be extremely difficult, myself. However, once I detect a lying person's dishonesty, it typically takes months, or even years, for me to reach the point where I can, once again, believe anything they say. I am quite open about this, in order to discourage others from lying to me in the first place.

Sam Harris, a neuroscientist, has written a very short, but excellent, book on this subject, with the simple title, Lying. It's easy to find on Amazon, and I recommend it highly. The book is an examination of the phenomenon of lying, and Harris uses it to make a compelling argument that lying is never -- yes, NEVER -- justifiable.


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Kiprobalhato
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24 Aug 2014, 1:51 pm

yep. it bites even more when you don't have the verbal skills to assert yourself and convince the other person that you're telling the truth. so they walk all over you.
here's one example, when i took aikido i was accused of harassing and beating up someone a year younger than me. no matter how much i told them otherwise that i would not beat up anybody, they wouldn't buy it. and we were about the same physically too.
me and him weren't exactly friends however.


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24 Aug 2014, 1:54 pm

Of course.

I am not sure how many times another kid has gotten me into trouble claiming I did this when I didn't or when someone else would do something and a kid thought I did it because I was there at the wrong time. I am sure this happens to everybody or has happened to everyone at one point in their life. My oldest aunt used to get my mother into trouble a lot by twisting what she saw and my grandparents always believed her over my mother. She was pretty abusive so she thought all big sisters were that way until she was at her friends houses who had older sisters and they were nice. She realized her sister wasn't normal so she broke that cycle with her younger siblings by being nice to them than mean. It reminded me of Malcolm in the Middle and Dewey decided to break the brother cycle of being mean to the younger brother so he decides to be nice to Jamie.

And I have also gotten accused of making stuff up online but that happens to lot of people. People will decide what is honest and what is not and who is genuine and who isn't. I try not to let it bother me and I don't have to prove myself to them. I just let them think whatever they want. Then I always feel better when they find out I was telling the truth but they never even apologize to me for calling me a liar. But I can also look at it as maybe they are too embarrassed so they never apologized to me and they can't bear to show it. I once said an aspie was a pedophile and I got accused of lying about it from one of his friends and trying to spread a nasty rumor. Then a year ago the guy got caught and went to prison and it was in the media online and his youtube channel was taken down and his videos too. All his fans were shocked and disgusted. I was feeling like "I told you so" to the person who accused me of lying and trying to spread a nasty rumor. But thank goodness they didn't mention his AS in the articles. His friend knows about him getting caught and going to prison and I am not sure how he reacted to the news.


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little_blue_jay
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24 Aug 2014, 2:02 pm

It may or may not be an outright 'accusation' per se, but it happens to me very frequently that I'll say something, and the person will say "Do you?" or "Did you?" or "Have you?" - like whatever it is that I've said, its as though they think I'm lying or making it up, and they feel the need to question it! I hate that!

And I too tend to react to that with anger, not hurt! They're the ones who have a problem believing something I'm saying! :evil:

For example I remember one time at the coffee shop I worked at, I said that me and someone else had cleaned underneath all the creamer machines (was a two person job, one to lift the machines, one to wipe underneath) The supervisor (she didn't like me) asked me "Are all the machines clean underneath?" I said "Yes me and _______ cleaned all of them." Then she goes "Did you?" :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: I'm thinking: I JUST SAID WE DID! It was all I could do not to yell that to her! I said "_____ (the other person who helped) will back me up" (I tried to imply that I felt like she was accusing me of lying)

WTF Do I come across as talking out of my arse all the time?? This has happened throughout my life, with many many different people, so I know it's something I must be doing or saying or having a strange look on my face when I say something factual... :?:

Or is this something that NT's in this day & age do now - just question everybody on everything to drive people up the wall?

Especially frustrating when what I say can easily be corroborated with another person! :evil:


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r84shi37
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24 Aug 2014, 2:11 pm

Yes, but it doesn't happen often because I have a solid reputation for being honest. The thing that makes me sad is that in recent years I've learned to lie. I've observed other people telling lies and also compulsive liars and thought, "Wow... you're an idiot- you're ruining your credibility by lying without thinking about it first." So when I lie (which isn't too often) I thoroughly analyze the lie in advance. I check for weaknesses in the lie (points that would lead to the lie's discovery). I also wouldn't tell a silly stupid lie that doesn't matter because a lie is something that can be discovered. I only lie if it seems worth it to me AND I've checked and double checked the lie to make sure it's undiscoverable. Credibility is very valuable. I still feel guilty when I do lie though... I guess I'm good at shutting out the guilt. It's taken practice.


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24 Aug 2014, 2:35 pm

r84shi37 wrote:
Yes, but it doesn't happen often because I have a solid reputation for being honest. The thing that makes me sad is that in recent years I've learned to lie. I've observed other people telling lies and also compulsive liars and thought, "Wow... you're an idiot- you're ruining your credibility by lying without thinking about it first." So when I lie (which isn't too often) I thoroughly analyze the lie in advance. I check for weaknesses in the lie (points that would lead to the lie's discovery). I also wouldn't tell a silly stupid lie that doesn't matter because a lie is something that can be discovered. I only lie if it seems worth it to me AND I've checked and double checked the lie to make sure it's undiscoverable. Credibility is very valuable. I still feel guilty when I do lie though... I guess I'm good at shutting out the guilt. It's taken practice.


neither lying nor shutting out guilt are things to be proud of having practiced and acquired skill in. apparently it doesn't make you sad enough to stop doing it and genuinely earn your reputation for honesty.

sorry for my bluntness, but people who lie for their own gain (especially those that do it in a really calculated way) bug me almost as much as bullies do. but you're young, you can still change. i would suggest practicing being honest and give up on the lying; it will cause you nothing but trouble in the future if you don't. trust me, i've known some good liars--and even with the best and most skilled prevaricator, they eventually lose track of their own lies and get caught. it's a game you can't--and if you're human, you don't really want to--win. change now while you still can, for your own sake.



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24 Aug 2014, 4:43 pm

starvingartist wrote:
r84shi37 wrote:
Yes, but it doesn't happen often because I have a solid reputation for being honest. The thing that makes me sad is that in recent years I've learned to lie. I've observed other people telling lies and also compulsive liars and thought, "Wow... you're an idiot- you're ruining your credibility by lying without thinking about it first." So when I lie (which isn't too often) I thoroughly analyze the lie in advance. I check for weaknesses in the lie (points that would lead to the lie's discovery). I also wouldn't tell a silly stupid lie that doesn't matter because a lie is something that can be discovered. I only lie if it seems worth it to me AND I've checked and double checked the lie to make sure it's undiscoverable. Credibility is very valuable. I still feel guilty when I do lie though... I guess I'm good at shutting out the guilt. It's taken practice.


neither lying nor shutting out guilt are things to be proud of having practiced and acquired skill in. apparently it doesn't make you sad enough to stop doing it and genuinely earn your reputation for honesty.

sorry for my bluntness, but people who lie for their own gain (especially those that do it in a really calculated way) bug me almost as much as bullies do. but you're young, you can still change. i would suggest practicing being honest and give up on the lying; it will cause you nothing but trouble in the future if you don't. trust me, i've known some good liars--and even with the best and most skilled prevaricator, they eventually lose track of their own lies and get caught. it's a game you can't--and if you're human, you don't really want to--win. change now while you still can, for your own sake.


Agreed. I've cut off communication with more than one person because he turned out to be a liar. I can't have a friendship with someone who's going to throw BS my way; it just isn't friendly. Amazing how often they've come back wanting to know what they had to do to be friends again. I don't know -- be someone else who doesn't lie?



Awiddershinlife
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24 Aug 2014, 6:03 pm

tarantella64 wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
r84shi37 wrote:
Yes, but it doesn't happen often because I have a solid reputation for being honest. The thing that makes me sad is that in recent years I've learned to lie. I've observed other people telling lies and also compulsive liars and thought, "Wow... you're an idiot- you're ruining your credibility by lying without thinking about it first." So when I lie (which isn't too often) I thoroughly analyze the lie in advance. I check for weaknesses in the lie (points that would lead to the lie's discovery). I also wouldn't tell a silly stupid lie that doesn't matter because a lie is something that can be discovered. I only lie if it seems worth it to me AND I've checked and double checked the lie to make sure it's undiscoverable. Credibility is very valuable. I still feel guilty when I do lie though... I guess I'm good at shutting out the guilt. It's taken practice.


neither lying nor shutting out guilt are things to be proud of having practiced and acquired skill in. apparently it doesn't make you sad enough to stop doing it and genuinely earn your reputation for honesty.

sorry for my bluntness, but people who lie for their own gain (especially those that do it in a really calculated way) bug me almost as much as bullies do. but you're young, you can still change. i would suggest practicing being honest and give up on the lying; it will cause you nothing but trouble in the future if you don't. trust me, i've known some good liars--and even with the best and most skilled prevaricator, they eventually lose track of their own lies and get caught. it's a game you can't--and if you're human, you don't really want to--win. change now while you still can, for your own sake.


Agreed. I've cut off communication with more than one person because he turned out to be a liar. I can't have a friendship with someone who's going to throw BS my way; it just isn't friendly. Amazing how often they've come back wanting to know what they had to do to be friends again. I don't know -- be someone else who doesn't lie?


Lying is such an interesting cultural thing. That autistics are "honest" is a stereotype.

I can't stand lying, but not b/c its dishonest - but because it is inaccurate, and I can stand inaccuracy.

I was recently introduced to a person who is very inaccurate (not lying, but maybe more ignorant that she recognizes?). I took it as a personal challenge to not judge her so harshly. We ended up become friends. She doesn't seem to mind that I call her out when she is inaccurate. I guess she accepted the challenge I hold for her, too :roll:


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24 Aug 2014, 7:52 pm

Yeah definitely, its one of the few things, that can really set me off and make me angry. Being called a liar when you know your telling the truth.

Im actually really terrible at lying, you would not believe. I dont think i could lie to save my life. That damn honest personality in me.



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24 Aug 2014, 9:28 pm

I'm good at lying and acting, but only under my own character. When people accuse me, it usually ends up with no one apologizing because they are too afraid to admit they did something wrong.


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Hi_Im_B0B
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24 Aug 2014, 10:44 pm

RobertLovesPi wrote:
I would be more likely to react to an accusation of lying with anger, rather than by feeling hurt.
so if the anger does not stem from being hurt, where does it come from?



RobertLovesPi
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25 Aug 2014, 5:23 am

Hi_Im_B0B wrote:
RobertLovesPi wrote:
I would be more likely to react to an accusation of lying with anger, rather than by feeling hurt.
so if the anger does not stem from being hurt, where does it come from?


It's not where it's coming from that distinguishes them, but the direction they are aimed. Being hurt is aimed inward, while getting angry is directed outward, towards another. One (anger) hurts the offending party, which makes sense to me. The other (feeling hurt) hurts the injured party, which does not make sense to me, so I choose the one which I understand.


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25 Aug 2014, 3:10 pm

This happens to me a lot. Just yesterday, I was at a Target and I had to rush to use the bathroom. To my surprise, a code was needed for entry, but this old lady came up to me and asked me what the code was and I told her that I didn't know.

This ticked her off and she started yelling derogatory terms at me. And yes, I was wearing a red shirt. Thankfully, an actual employee showed up and opened the bathroom doors for us.


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