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an NT gave this advice in work today

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sharkattack
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10 Sep 2014, 1:12 pm

He says I am trying too hard to please everybody.

He says I should relax be myself and if I don't get on 100% with everyone don't worry about it.

I think he makes a good point.



skibum
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10 Sep 2014, 1:20 pm

I agree. That is excellent advice.


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Last edited by skibum on 10 Sep 2014, 1:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FireyInspiration
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10 Sep 2014, 1:29 pm

Nobody, not even NTs can please everyone 100%. Everyone can just do the best they can



jk1
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10 Sep 2014, 1:46 pm

It's really nice of him to say that to you.

Some people react rather negatively when they see that you are trying to please them because they think you are rather insecure and they only like confident people. Even if you are genuinely nice, still some people wouldn't appreciate it. So what's the point? You don't need to be nasty but you also don't need to please people, either.



sharkattack
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10 Sep 2014, 1:50 pm

jk1 wrote:
It's really nice of him to say that to you.

Some people react rather negatively when they see that you are trying to please them because they think you are rather insecure and they only like confident people. Even if you are genuinely nice, still some people wouldn't appreciate it. So what's the point? You don't need to be nasty but you also don't need to please people, either.



Phew I need to let myself relax a bit. :D



eggheadjr
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10 Sep 2014, 2:47 pm

sharkattack wrote:
He says I am trying too hard to please everybody.

He says I should relax be myself and if I don't get on 100% with everyone don't worry about it.

I think he makes a good point.


That's great advice for anyone - aspie or NT.


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skibum
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10 Sep 2014, 2:52 pm

sharkattack wrote:


Phew I need to let myself relax a bit. :D
Definitely. You will feel so much better if you can.


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Waterfalls
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10 Sep 2014, 5:50 pm

It's good advice. I hear it a lot, but then people tell me what I do wrong. The thing is, I don't think that trying to correct everything anyone complains about is even what they want. I like people who are relaxed. So do most people. So, relax!



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11 Sep 2014, 4:44 am

Wanting to please everybody is a coping mechanism to bullying. One reason is the hope that by pleasing the bully they will stop. If bullies have had their way you for a long period of time you start to feel they are superior to you and deserve pleasing. When you are older and diagnosed you realize you are not inferior, that trying to please bullies encourages them to do more. These realizations are logical thoughts but the old flawed emotions on some level is still remain.


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sharkattack
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11 Sep 2014, 7:06 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Wanting to please everybody is a coping mechanism to bullying. One reason is the hope that by pleasing the bully they will stop. If bullies have had their way you for a long period of time you start to feel they are superior to you and deserve pleasing. When you are older and diagnosed you realize you are not inferior, that trying to please bullies encourages them to do more. These realizations are logical thoughts but the old flawed emotions on some level is still remain.


Bingo.



kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2014, 7:32 am

You can't please the world. Excellent advice this person gave!

People who rely upon your favors will throw you away in the end. You become like a soda can to them--dispensable.

I'm not advocating being a cynical meanie. I believe in "treating people as one wants to be treated."

However, most people don't respect those who aim to constantly please.



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11 Sep 2014, 11:02 am

I think we should love people, but I don't think we should try and please everybody. As Jesus said (for the Christians out there):

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"

Mathew 5:44

Here Christ acknowledges that we have enemies, which implies that it's ok to have people in our lives that we have no interest in pleasing.