I am too possessive.

Post Reply New Topic

Earlier today, I had come to the realization that one of my biggest problems when it comes to me and other people is how possessive I am over things/interests. I am no longer possessive over people (probably because it's not like I have people to be possessive over...), but I was when I was younger. I was possessive over my mother when anybody else seemed to take a liking to her much longer than most kids were of theirs and hated seeing my friends become friends with my other friends because I usually knew it meant they'd like each other more. Also when I was younger, I was just as possessive over my interests and items as I am now. It's like a little child who refused to share and never grew out of it.

I'm not sure why it evokes this emotion from me. I think it's because initially I enter a somewhat confused state and I think it might be some sort of defense mechanism to cope with not being able to fully process it. Or maybe it's just that I irrationally think that whatever connection they have with said item/interest cheapens my strong attachment to it. Most people are delighted to find others that share an interest at the same intensity, but I just tend to withdraw. It's mentally painful thing to go through and at times can be disorienting. This isn't expressed outwardly and is all internalized, so it's not really a problem there.

I'm not sure why I made this thread, but today this has happened at several points when it hasn't in awhile, so I've been a bit bothered by it all.

It's okay to be possessive sometimes, it shows that you care. As long possessive does not become obsessive you're in the clear.

I am very possessive of my fiancée, for example. I do not want her to hang out or go into town alone with straight male friends, things like that. There's no shame in this, it's healthy behavior that shows a person you care about them deeply and do not want to lose them. Being possessive means limiting the risk of competition for a person's attention, whether it be in a friendship or romantic relationship. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I was watching a class by Tony Atwood and he talked about that being an Aspie thing. He said that we are possessive because we want to control our environments because we can't socially cope otherwise. Possessiveness is always an insecurity and trust thing. If you are secure and you trust, you won't be possessive.

I am very possessive about my special interest. I am a little bit possessive about my brother. I don't mind that he has a life which he does, and I am happy for him to hang out with his friends but if I have friends, unless I trust them 100%, I will not allow them to meet him. It's a weird reason though, not the same reason as why other people would be possessive. My reason is that if I don't trust people 100% I can't be uninhibited, I am always somewhat guarded. So if those people are around my brother and or know him, I don't feel safe enough to be uninhibited and unguarded with their presence and since he is one person that I can be 100% unguarded with, I don't want to risk introducing anyone to him who would keep me from being unguarded around him.

Yes, but we are talking about things with no feelings and they have no interest in whether or not I care.




I have an uncontrollable (heh) need to be able to control every little thing in my environment, yes this is true.