Ranting and rambling

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(Begin Rant 1, commence rant er #4)
Hello
I am taking advantage of this opportunity to rant about my life as it is now. Since I have no one to talk to, I figured I use this site to voice all my concerns. So, here goes nothing. Oh and you don't have to reply to this thread if u don't want to but it's strongly encouraged you read the whole thing and give me advice.
Let's begin. My life has been a nightmare for the past three to four months. I have ONE real life friend. I want a girlfriend and more friends, but most people (with the exceptions of my mom and the people mentioned above) don't give a **** about me or my life. I hate it so, and I wish there was a way to just turn back time and reset everything. I feel like I took the wrong road. Everything's messed up. All I do when I get home from work is eat, sleep, and listen to music and occasionally read and I am getting sick of it. I have no talents and no one is willing to help me work out my issues. I have to stand up for myself constantly but it's been failing miserably. I am 22, I have ASD and SA, and that seems to be why people shun me. I hate it I can't say the right things to people and act stupid. Amongst other things I have a good intelligence, so that's a plus, but due to an impaired amygdala and poor hand eye coordination I can't utilize that intelligence effectively so I end up on underqualified positions I don't belong in, which caused people to tease me and belittle me. It just suuuuuucccckksssssss and people don't get it. I am basically alone. I don't want to grow up old and alone. My friends I have now at least three of the four will likely move on with their lives by then and I can't agree more about what people have said on here it's precisely correct. You know why? I've observed normies and their lives and am always on the outside looking in it seems.

Life sucks right now, and I don't want to end it. That's a bad decision to throw it all away like that. I frequently screw up and make mistakes and get yelled at for it, which IMO is inappropriate.


I just, one day, hope a miracle will come up. One that will change my life drastically. While it's unlikely, I can always dream. I right now plan to continue trying to succeed. I will seek therapy if I cannot. I get easily jealous of normies but I've me some excellent people on here who have changed my opinion on that. I will one day teach people about my disorder, because the way I've been treated is downright ridiculous.

Please comment if u have any suggestions.

I'm changing my life and way of thinking as we speak. It's going to be a hard road but with support from people on here I know I'll make it.


(Begin Rant 2, cutscene D-45)
This is another rant. This rant will be more optimistic then the first but still need to vent.

I can't stand people who don't accept my disorders, its like they don't exist to them. I just can't believe people single me out of things when I bend over backwards for them all the ****ing time!

People at my job don't seem to know what AS and SA are. Its like both illnesses are invisible to them, why this is, I'm unsure. I know I have some friends but they are spread out. I only have one real life friend. I have hid my FB to only allow him to view things, to make life easier. I have been reading up on how to change but life has been pretty demoralizing lately so motivation hasn't gone up. I always seem to have insomnia and anxiety attacks now every night while sleeping. Why this is, may be due to night terrors (I always dream about being shot) now why mind would you do that to me? It sucks!! !! !

I also want to know, who and why invented AS? Why does it exist? It makes people become turned off by you and makes your brain seem ill equipped to deal with society, as they say "AS people aren't adjusted to society."

Sometimes people just don't get.......why am I like this? Why did I become like this? Is there something up?! I just hate that. When I was a little younger I thought I didn't belong here. I thought I was defective, now my attitude has changed, but no one except for one person and family seem to get that.

However, I feel like life is not all peaches and cream for the autist. We can't put our smarts to good use due to bad social skills. We need to have a special interest to channel into a career, and I was branded without one.

I just.....Don't grasp why I am still here. Why I am still living after living a life that feels like I've been to hell and back. Why I ask?

Changing myself is now my top priority. Question is, will it do anything?

How are you changing yourself?
What specific things are you doing?
You recognize that channeling a special interest in a career is a good path, so I suggest that you think about that and what you would like to do.
You have youth on your side, and time to try different things and make mistakes.
As for people treating you badly because of how you appear to them, it would help to learn to ignore them and their negativity towards you or AS, even if that is not easy to do, but it can be done.

I sincerely hope the venting was helpful for you.

You do not have nothing. While it may not seem so ATM you are ahead of many people. You know what the issues are, where you want to go and the drive to get there. This is important.

Figuring out a way to get more sleep is important. It's a tough fight so being properly rested would be very helpful.

As you are young I hope one day you do see ASD understood and accepted. But that won't be anytime soon. All you can do accept yourself and that is a must if you want to change your situation.

While the world may not be accepting I am glad you are finding it here.

I PM'ed you with suggestion where you can find acceptance and resources near your area. I will be happy to resend it if you need me to.