How do I show more interest in others?

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How do I show more interest in others when socializing with others?
I can talk about certain things, but people told me I'm not engaging enough.

How do I show interest in others? I always freak out and forget what things are good to say in social situations. Even on boards like this one, I can't think of anything interesting and engaging I have written.

And how do I focus more and not forget what to say so often?

people like to be listen, you can show that you are listening by asking questions about what they are talking or making comments

Every conversational situation is different. But generally I follow two guidelines: repeat what the speaker has said, introduce a topic that is related to what the speaker has said. In other words, show understanding and help to move the conversation forward.

I'm learning about this in my social skills group right now. It's a good idea to show interested body language; look at the person's eyes or face to show that you're listening; have your body facing them, smile slightly (unless they're saying something sad: the point is to not look bored or uninterested). Ask them questions about themselves (as long as they're not too personal. Family, work, school and interests are generally "safe" topics for when someone is a relative stranger). If they ask you questions, try to give more than a one-word answer, and pass it back to them (e.g "Yes, I thought that movie was interesting. What did you think?"). I'm supposed to be practising having conversations with people for next week's meeting, but I can't find anyone to have a conversation with (my parents don't count because they won't make for an authentic experience).

I seem to have trouble remembering what I spoke about with someone from one conversation to the next. Also I get mixed up with who said what or which children or partners belong with which person. At one time I started writing little notes on each person after speaking to them e.g

Jane + John (cabinet maker). Children: Mark 11, Mary 8 (West school)
27/10/14 - Jane's mother in hospital with pneumonia.

I did this so next time I saw Jane I would remember to ask, "How's your mother? Is she still in hospital?
How are Mark and Mary going at school?" etc.

After a while it occurred to me that these notes might perhaps be a little creepy, so I stopped doing it. But it did really help with conversations.

I think this is a good question. If I could find a way to be more engaging, it would surely lower the stress levels associated with mixing with others (I think) but unfortunately with me, I just really don't have an interest in others to the point that even if a friend or a relative is out of my life for any amount of time, I tend to forget about them.

I used to think I was a bad person for this but I don't anymore. After my diagnosis, I now know why I'm like that. I also now know that I'm not a bad person. I'm just an Autistic person and that's how it affects me. It's not like I don't like them. I just get too caught up in my own life, Special Interests and I just REALLY LOVE my time to myself - to the point I forget about others. I've always likened it to horse blinkers. If they move slightly to the left or right out of my field of vision, I don't see them or think to contact them.

Become friends with silence. My worst verbal faux pas happen when I'm talking because I think I should be saying something, rather than because I actually have something to say.

Also avoid monologuing. I have a friend who when a topic of interest appears he compulsively goes through all the information he knows about the topic. And not just once, but whenever the topic comes up again. It's very annoying. Whenever I interject he cuts me off and goes back to his list of information. I don't know if you do this, but I thought I'd share.

Yeah....I know what you mean.

Sometimes, I sense Negativity in the air and feel compelled to say something. This doesn't usually result in positive results.

Your friend is really the classic Aspie, Androbot LOL

The way I would "show more interest in others" is to try to incorporate your "special interest," somehow, into the general conversation. It could be done--just use your cognition.

I used to try to "force myself" to show "more interest." That doesn't work. Think of the old "square peg into a round hole" analogy.

No...No...LOL

I didn't mean trying to make the "special interest" the primary topic of conversation. I meant, in a subtle sense, incorporating it into the conversation as a whole. It's a pretty difficult thing to do--but it's worth a try.

Like: if the topic of Ebola comes up, maybe you could insert your knowledge about West African cultural norms into it. Something like that. This would be quite appropriate.

Oh, I get what you mean. Like use your knowledge to further the conversation. That makes sense.

Yep

Such a laconically-florid display of astuteness and erudition, huh

to clarify: on my part

Seriously:

Temple Grandin was able to incorporate seemingly esoteric "special interests" into a great career.

One of her "special interests" was seeing animals from a perspective which no other human has ever done. This way, she developed a very humane way of administering vaccinations to farm animals. She developed the device for this, and has thrived ever since.

Showing interest in someone's life shows that you value them. But there are lots of different kinds of relationships. My good friends ask me very specific questions based on shared experiences. I know they are interested in me.

Other people will ask me more superficial questions - like "how's work?" "how's your son?" etc. The questions may be superficial but the interest is genuine. They may not 'care' about the answer, but they are using these questions to demonstrate that they are interested in me and in our connection. If you're not genuinely interested it may well show in your tone and in your body language.

And for god's sake, stay off the monologuing unless you KNOW that someone is into it. My husband monologues AT me and thinks he's talking with me. Awful.