Please help me ! ~ ASS-P

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I WANT to have the operation ~ the amputation of both my big toes ~ Since it's nessecary , I want to get it over with ! Also , bluntly , here in Seattle now , it is gettiing very cold and it will only get colder ~ My clothes are rather flimsy and I only have sandals for footwear , it was REALLY cold yesterdaY and I suppose it will only get colder~ I am in a shelter now , but it was stated as " for a few days " , it might be over soon ~ My very-heavy backpack is falling apart , I had to abandon my tarp , that I took all the way up from California (One of my hands is asleep , too , making typing hard .) .
If I went into the hospital , I'd be out of the cold , as well as getting the operation ~ But , I just want to have some things to mae ythe recovery after the amputation something where I could accomplish some things !
I'd liike to have some sort of a tablet/laptop , so that I could generally connect with things during the post-amputation recovery , and , as I sent some publications and audio CDs to Aunt Blabby , so that he can sent them to me when I'm in recovery ~ And , to be able to play the discs , I'd like a basic CD boombox , and also an audio-only portable MP3 player - Also , I have a little digital camera that I want to take some pictures of my toes before the amputation , but I haven't been able to get iit to work at all .
Also , I want to at least start on getting replacements for that mail in San Jose that was not forwarded to me ~ Not through trying to conntact San Jose , that seems likely not possible , but contacting the mail people and getting replacements sent to me here ~ This includes a check , for which , to get a new one , I have to print a form , have it notarized , send it to the people (in Oklahoma) , and receive it then .
I get SSI/D , but on a weekly basis , regularly $140 ~ If I could get a laptop/tablt from somerone , and the little box and MP3 player , I would pay the pewrson back ~ lease ?
It would let me check into the hospital , if I had those things to have a (reasonably) pleasant recovery post-the amputation operation , and since I'd likely not be spending much then , I'd be able to pay back the person who helped pretty quickly !
I am asking for a loan/advance (as well as help with the mail - Which , as I said above , includes a check that I would get , maybe letting me pay off the advance from that ~ and help with getting the digicam working and posting) . I would pay it back , from my SSI/D .
It is cold here now , it's only going to get colder , being abe to have the operation and a nice recovery afterward would let me get the operation over with , as well asw take me out of this cold , cold , weather .
Please ???????
Oddly enough , I don't want a c ellphone particularly - I have next to no-one I can call/who would call me It would just be , while I'm in the post-amputation recovery , be an expense for something I wouldn't use much .
But , I could use a tablet/laptop ~ Even a 2nd-hand/hand-me-down one ~ and , likewise , a mini-boombox and a portable MP3 player (with 75 hours time to fill on it , I guess , as I bought , and sent to AB , about 50 discs) .
I DO want to get the operation done , and , I DO WANT TO GET OUT OF THE COLD .
Please ???????????

...Another point ~ Having some music , when I am recovering from the amputation operation , AND HAVE TO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN ~ Some music could really inspire me , give me energy to make myself walk .
Really , I just want to have the operation - With some decent connections to make the recovery OK ~ And , if it involves an advance fr5om someone , I WOULD pay it back .

(NTE: My hands are as touch parlysed/palsied from the cold (plus one hand being asleep) ~ Perhaps that's overly strong language , but ~ and , t get that across , I haven't corrected all the mis-types that resdult from that .)
...After I wrte the abve , yestertday , walking utside the library , my baqckpack really just ttally fell apart ~ I made an emergency purchase f sme leaf/garbage bags and transfered what there was in the pack into them .
However , I forgot to transfer the other of my two pair of shoes (Chaco sandals) , leaving it behind until it was too late to go back .
I buy basic things/necessities and end up lsing them!
Scissors , for instance...Or , recently I bught a " cheap " radio(thirty-ish dollars) , thinking it weould be nice to have some music again ~ Well , after one or two days , the radio wasw already falling apart from being bumped around in said pack , and , later n , it was even mre deteriorated and I left it behind yesterday .

...Again , it is massively cold , and if is only mid-autumm , and I CANNOT buy another complete set of clothes or a bag to indefinitely carry thing around in .
WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE PEOPLE BACK AT MY " AMPUTATION " POST WHO WERE TELLING ME TO GET THE OPERATION NOW ???????????
ASide from needing it , it would get me out of the cold ~ I WOUL JUST LIKEW TO LINE A FEW THINGS UP SO THAT I MAY HAVE A " BIT OF " A LIFE WHILE STUCK SOMEWHERE RECOVERING ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
I have oNLY asked for (likely 2nd-hand) items to let me do so ~ FOR WHICH I WOULD PAY PEOPLE BACK FROM MY SSD !
On another level , I keep going through glasses (generics/drugstores only ~ I haven't had perscriptions in I don't know how many years ) ~ In the shelter I'm at , they have kept ~ " acciderntally" I guess " - picking up a plastic drugstore back that I keep water/soda bottles to use and throwing it away in the morning and I've glasses & more in those bags IIRC ~ (I also had a book I was 1/2-ish through with picked up I guess I'll never see it again) ~ For glasses , I've tended to have " nicer " ones for the library and " rougher " ones for shelter situations - IIRC , I had one rougher pair disappear , did I then get a newer pair of roughers that disappeared?? - Then , I found myself without a rougher pair and demoted a library pair , in all this I think I bought to Foster Grants , I then bough a more expensive but individually cheaper 3-pack from anothe brand but , it seems like I don't have 4 pair , 2 rough and 2 library , like I thought , just 1 of each .

...In essense , I am askin g for a " microloan " ~ but not of cash , of items , items that would let me accomplish things , reasonably enjoy myself while being laid up , and help me in LEARNING TO WALK AGAIN , which is what I would have to do post-the operation , make no mistake about that ~ It would just be making use of discs I already bought a long while back , not new discs , as far as the music went .
This is so much less than what most of you , likely , have- .
I don't have much else to put here for now

...I WOULD PAY IT BACK .
Out of my SSD - This TINY amount .
PLEASE ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
Okay , I thought of something moire to say

You can't ask for things from people on an internet forum.

...Just to say this again ~ I am in a desperate situation . I do want the operation .
However , I want to be able to do something during the (quoted at me) one-two months I am likely to be laid up post-the amputation , during which I will likely be totally isolated ~ I have (a very few ! !! !! !! !! ! ) some discs I left w/a WP friend , to ship to me when I am hospitalized , that could give me some music to listen to - and try and move/motivate myself to walk again , WHICH I WILL HAVE TO DO AFTER THE TOE AMPUTATIONS , and somekind of basic notebook/laptop , to continue contact with the outside world , and spend some of the endless hours of being laid-up I anticipate trying to DO something in doing some writing , etc.
I am not going to " give up all Internet contact for two months " (which would mean the music , too) , as a different WP friend , in a " vicariously ' put your nose to the grindstone for ME " mood suggests . This would simply f**k my life up .
If I , again , not even getting funds , simply items , could get a loan , if needed , to get the iyems I need to do this , I could start paying back out of my $140 weekly SSD/I - which I wouldn't be using much while laid up - basically immediately .
I am not going to cut myself off from life/doing anything for a " bad enough " operation ~ no matter how much " vicarious punish yourself " I get ! !! !! !! !!

...You may think I lead a more " normal " life because I manage to trudge and do an 1&1/2 hour of library computer time a day .
I am NOT .
You know , I have NEVER , in 14-15 years on the Internet , owned an at-home computer - I have been homeless (including being " one step above " homeless/temporaryaly placed/a couplish sorta " ex-homeless " places that might've , if not for...well , not now,,, worked out - For one particularly case , what I later found was a THEIVING social services organization , I'l tell you that) ~ Um , I've been homeless since mid-1996 (leaving out times before then) !
I have all my stuff in leaf/garbage and drugstore bags now , in this shelter where I have to check in by 5:30 PM , and get minimal food then sleep much too much and , waking up , feel sleepy again ~ I would like to get the operation done , but I want to have: (1) Continued world contact - Believe me , nursing/care places (Certaionly where I'm likely to be put) do NOT give you a lot to do , and I don't anticipate getting a whole lot of " learning to walk again ": teaching , I anticipate them taking a rather slow pace...and not really devoting much time to " teaching me to walk " indeppendently , more like a little " with your hospital gown on " .
I rather antticipate actually that IF I get the recovery I anticipate , it might not last all that long and I'd likely be homeless again at the end of it - If you think " gertting an amputation is a ticket to getting a place " , well , I see loads of homeless peeps with worse handicaps than having &&1/2 toes (I had a lesser , 1/2 of one toe , amputation years back) . . (20 Come on ~ I have this recorded music I left w/a WP friend to send to me ~ During the likely , long , boring recovery time ~ IF I am allowed to have it at all ~ can't I HAVE it ???????????
Or does that different WP " friend " who's obsessed with " No ! You must be without contacts for two months ! " have to win ???! !! !!
I know I'm sort of garbling here , my Internet time is running out , it's - and I'm - cold , after this there's really nothing else but go back to the sh***y indoor stuffy shelter & kill time -

at least it is shelter from the elements.

You should get your priorities straightened out- if you have the odd arrangement that you are getting either SSI or SSDI weekly, that should be spent on the clothes you are telling us you can't afford or on food and very basic necessities you could use living in a shelter or on transportation to social services that you maybe have a little more faith in. While you are laid up if you aren't using it, you could be saving it for these things.

...not on means to get an MP3 player or tablet. Those would likely make you more of a target in a shelter situation anyway.

But if you have SSI, and get that little, you are eligible for food stamps. So pursuing social services would get you that benefit. That is way more practically useful.

If you are having recovery from surgery, pretty much all hospitals now have a social services department and almost no hospital will let someone go out to the streets. If you actually work with them they could help you get in a better place- but you have to want to work with them.

...To start with , SOL , I do not want a tablet/player in a shelter situation .
e sighs ~ Deep intake of breath.) I will try not to yell .
I . Want . To . Enter ther hosptal and have the ` amputation of both my big toes , remember ~ operation done .
After that there would be recovery for me that is already set (I guess) with the hospital here
with " one-two months " quoted at me . I don't remotely see how you could have interpreted me as saying " I want a tablet and disc player while I'm in a shelter " !
However , I would like to have continued contact with the world outside while I am spending that time laid up (Incidentally , you're a bit more ssuming the utter wonderfulness of everyone in the Hospital/Indudtrial/" Care " Complex (Though I'm presuming the actual medical part is ~ generally ~ carried out OK .), especially at my social/financial level , than you do .
I think I very likely have a LOT! more experience dealing with these types while homeless/low-status , I think somehow .)
I want to continue Internet connection and the ability to write over thast recovery time , NOT " take a two-month vacay from any contact with anyone " ? That alright with you ??????????? Likewise , I'd even like the ability to play those CDs I already bought a ways back , which a WP friend is storing for me .
I kind of imagine you're not going to do something that would materially ~ and , in letting me move on to doing the operastion , physically ~ help me , such as help me , say , get a - I said this all above - 2nd-hand tablet/'top & music players so I could flipping ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING during the laid-up period post-the projected - amputation - operation . (As I said , I could pay a reasonable outlay back from that soon enough - very quickly ! - from the SSI/D .) , so I'm not going to use much of my very limited computert time detailing things to you now .
Maybe , at some later time , when I in fact have more time .
I just want to have a basic notebook/'top , for continued world access while laid up after the operation , and something to play those discs on (If they got sent me , I'd ask them now to be sent to the WP friend who has the discs , so he could get them together and send them to me at the hospital/recovery place in Seattle , not receive them here and shlep them artound til' I can go in .
If this was set up , I would start setting up the going into the hospital to get the operation now .

...What I want to do is have the operation , following bwhich there would be a monthish of recovery and then I don't know what .
I'm not particularly thinking of what I'd do beryond the initial recovery time ~ I'd , to use a cliche , cross that bridge when I came to it .
I want to get the operation - which means the amputation , and learning to walk again afterwards - done .
It has been as issue/possibility for literally years now .
However , I would like to have a decent recovery , which could let me help set up my post-operation life .
Having the bareset bit - probably much much lless than most of you reading this have (Self-pity) - could let the recovery not only be - reasonanly - pleasant - but let me start to set up my life for the post-amputation period !
I REALLY CAN'T THINK GREATLY ABOUT " WHAT I'D DO POST-THE RECOVERY " , AND , IN FACT , --------- BEING ABLE TO CONTACT PEOPLE & WRITE DURING THE RECOVERY PERIOD WOULD ----------- GREATLY ----------- ----------- LET ME TRY AND FIGURE OUT , WHILE RECOVERING , - WHAT - TO - DO - NEXT - ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
IS THAT FRICKING " CHIRPY/" OPTIMISTIC " FOR YOU ALREADY NOW ?
As I have TRIED to outline , poor as I am , a slight loan/advance - WHICH I WOULD REPAY , AS I HAVE OUTLINED - would allow me to comfortably embark upon the operastion . Sheesh ! (the " crying " sig appears to be gone in the redesign)

...Doesn't anybody see that , just with the 'Net access (and the music to listen to ~ and , yes , move to , since I'll be an amputee then , and would need to learn to walk again) , I could do things like start to track down my HS/test records , to eventually go back to college/uni ?
I was born before people with AS got (generally) understanding in school , etc.
Now , I am just asking for HELP , a LOAN ~ I'D PAY IT BACK ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
If I knew that the 'book/music thing was in place , I'd start the process of entering the hospital NOW , to get the operation ~ I set it up with them , BUT I'D NEED A DECENT RECOVERY .
PLEASE ? <CRY>

things are hard all over, man. normally pofolk are the #1 generous types to other pofolk but I still have bills relating to hospitalization I have to pay back. am tapped out.

...Thank you for the thought/answer .