Do Aspiens Have Unfair Expectations of NTs?

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I have spent most of my life unaware of ASD. Realization is coming in many forms and on many levels. As I would struggle to meet seemingly impossible social expectations of me, I had been putting the same weight on others in other areas.

For example: I would think others would be unorganized because they were lazy or unmotivated while they thought I was not listening because I could not get past their shoddy sentence structure. I now see that, perhaps the need for organization or grammer or chit-chat, is not universal.

It is easy to see how hard people can be to me, but can I see it when I am the one dishing it out?

I wonder how many times I have done this?

Do you do it?

I try not to, probably to the point of being over tolerant.

There are times when Aspies don't give NT's the benefit of the doubt. The reverse is true, too.

Asperger's is not a well-understood condition amongst those in the "general public." Sometimes, NT's believe that Aspies could pick up social cues as well as NT's-that-they don't pick them up because of a "lack of motivation" (per NT's). They figure anybody with "normal" cognition could always react "normally."

NT's frequently don't listen--hence, Aspies don't feel like listening, either.

I believe it would be useful if Aspies would listen to NT advice about such things as dating, social etiquette, how to enter and exit a conversation--things that come "naturally" to NT's, but must be "learned" by Aspies.

All in all, I believe both Aspies and NT's should meet each other halfway--listen to each other, read up on each other.

A very lucid comment by kraftiekortie. The level of ignorance among NTs about autism in general and Asperger's syndrome in particular is very high, most shamefully in government agencies whose job it is to deal with people with that and other conditions. Employers, too, have little information on the subject and have often not even heard of it.

Luckily things are beginning to change, however, due in part to characters with Asperger's in mainstream TV programmes and films, which bring the condition to the public's notice, and the work of various autism organisations. This is an area where I am currently working, and believe me it's slow going.

It would also help if more people on the spectrum felt able, and inclined, to initiate dialogue with neurotypicals. As kraftiekortie says, it's important that communication is a two-way process. There is a certain 'mystique' about Asperger's that has, historically, bred misconceptions on both sides.

To be honest, I wish there were less Sheldons as Aspergian characters. He's funny, I suppose--but a poor representative of an Aspie. The "oblivious" side of the stereotype is emphasized too strongly.

Sheldon is more like a caricature, it seems to me.

There is a play, in New York's Broadway, about a 15-year-old boy with Asperger's (not explicitly stated--but strongly implied). It is known as "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night." I read the book; perhaps some caricaturization occurred--but, all in all, I found the character realistic and sympathetic.

I would think it's fair to expect as much give and take in NT-Autistic interactions as there is inmost human to human interactions. As of now because of the reasons stated above and fear of difference, and because we are a small minority it mostly Autistics giving and giving up. Not fair.

Point taken about Sheldon; I haven't seen many episodes, but I was thinking more of British TV, which has some subtle and thus more realistic interpretations of Aspies, some of them not explicit.

Interesting what you say about 'The Curious Incident'. Like you I found the boy convincing, mainly because he wasn't always shown in a good light, although some people with ASD feel it's a bit of a pastiche. The trouble with trying to portray something like Asperger's in a TV or film character is that there's a tendency to make it slightly obvious, even clichéd, to use well-known 'symptoms' in order to get the point across. The same thing happened in early portrayals of LGBT characters or people with bi-polar disorder - programme makers and their audiences aren't always very subtle.

Perhaps more so in current times than in times past, judgments are becoming based on superficial appearances (part of a cultural shift in the West, particularly in the case of the idolatry of celebrity culture in some countries)
and perhaps this is linked in some way to the attitude of "you look normal so you should act normal". When people on the spectrum don't conform to that attitudinal expectation, they are subject to unfair expectations but tend to be placed at the receiving end of negative behaviour from NTs.

What I think ASD people want from NTs most is acceptance and respect. By and large NTs appear incapable of that (with some exceptions). Our hopes for that are not unfair but they do seem unrealistic at the current stage culture is at, given the conformity behaviour of NTs socially etc. and the fixed idea that only NT attitudes and behaviour really count - there is still an attitude toward us that we are not equal as human beings, (pushed along all the time by Autism Speaks and other hate sites).

I don't think it's quite that simple. Since knowing how to do something well does not automatically imply the ability to teach it well. Especially if that person is not conciously aware of what they are actually doing.

Especially if they have different social goals.

All right...maybe one doesn't have to "listen" to NT advice--but (like I did), they should observe, and rehearse what they observed (not within their vision, though).

I'm not saying "assimilate." I'm saying: carve a niche for yourself in the "wider world." It's more important than you think. There's less dead ends when there's more options.

Were the Vulcans based on Aspien Humans?

So how do you identify someone as "NT" or "Aspie." If people had stickers on their shirt that identified themselves, things would be much easier.

Sometimes I venture outside of my house. I see some people. They're not wearing any stickers on their shirts that say "NT" or "Aspie." I just assume they are normal people.

Sometimes I see people that remind me of myself. I think maybe that person has Aspergers. I don't know.

Sometimes I think Aspie is just a code word. I don't think people are spending much time identifying people as aspie or nt and trying to sort out their behavior. People just do what they want.

I don't really expect anything from so-called "NTs". I mean as long as they aren't being a jerk I don't really care.

I think precisely the same way you do, heavenlyabyss.

"Aspiens"

What an interesting word. Don't think I've seen that before.

Come to think of it, I probably did have a tendency to have some unfair expectations of NT's - especially during my time in business school. Fortunately, I kept most of these thoughts to myself, but I can recall being frustrated/annoyed by others' slowness in calculating things or figuring out solutions to problems etc.

This. Now that I'm aware of my diagnosis & have my symptoms under control, I don't get irritated by NT's who can't keep up with what I can process sometimes.